The second kiss

Chapter thirty-two
Gwen
I open my eyes slowly. It felt heavy at first and gummy. I force it open nevertheless. I stare wide at the fan rolling endlessly.
This can be Ryder's living room because he uses Air condition and not fans. Instead of a fan, he has a big chandelier.
I try to move my head but it feels so heavy. My throat feels patchy and itchy.
Where am I? The familiar smell hit my nose and I remember I'd been here before.
Then, realization became dawn on me. I remember coming out of Ryder's room in tears. I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. And I've never felt so sad in my entire life.
But I knew I had no cause. Even though I remember Ryder kissing me back and telling me there was nothing better than him and Mimi.
And I believed it. I believed every single word and I remember him soothing my hair while we stayed cuddled up in bed.
I thought I had a chance with him. I thought he loved me. Does the kiss mean nothing to him? Or was he forced to kiss me back because he didn't want me to feel sad? Just like he did with Mimi? Kissing her back?
I was a fool to have actually thought of that. Yet, it still hurt so much especially seeing that he lied to him. I was starting to trust in him.
In all my life, I've always lived in insecurity, mistrust, and maltreatment.
And I thought life would change for the better, for me.
Little did I know I was going to meet another of Heidi again. Maybe I will continue to see someone like her, especially because I have now developed a soft spot for Ryder.
But how did I get to the hospital? Who brought me to the in? I clearly can't even remember anything.
All I can think about when Mimi pushed me and a pain shot through me. And then, darkness.
I move my head slowly, enduring the pain while thoughts continue to collide in me in some sort of crazy confusion.
The door opens suddenly and Lizzy walks in. Oh, I've forgotten Lizzy. She tried to come in but I'm sure she wasn't expecting it either.
"Gwen!" Lizzy yells happily. I manage a smile as she walks near.
She pulls a seat out for herself and the action reminds me of Ryder.
I close my eyes and stifle out the tears. It's not worth it. And I'm used to it already. I shouldn't be expecting more.
"How do you feel now."
"I open my eyes and smile again, "I feel very good except for the fact that my head feels so heavy. How are you doing?"
Lizzy laughs, " it will feel very heavy Because there's a bandage around it."
" Did I break a lot?"
Lizzy nods briefly, " if Ryder didn't bring you in on time, you might have passed away. Also, you've been unconscious since yesterday."
I look away, " No wonder I felt like I needed something."
Lizzy stand to examine me well, " Are you alright?"
" No, I need to drink water. I'm feeling funny."
She laughs, " I know. I will get you something quickly," she says and proceeds to the door.
" Lizzy," I call softly. She stops and looks back at me, "Is Ryder around?"
She shakes her head negatively, "He hasn't been back since yesterday. He said he wanted to go and change but he never came back. I wonder how much we the maids mean to him," she says sadly before walking out.
I try to stop myself from crying but I fail and they came rushing down my cheek. Was he satisfied that his girlfriend treated me this way? The least he could do was come and apologize on her behalf.
I close my eyes and eventually cease the tears. Or should I just kill myself? I mean my hope gets dashed away this day, and I fear there's nothing to do about it.
I open my eyes as I think about my life again. It's nothing to write home about.
I manage to sit up, even though my head is still banging seriously.
The door opens again. I'm sure it's Lizzy.
I look at my clothes, all stained with blood. I should have told her to bring me a spare.
"Lizzy, will you get me a new one. I feel so dirty this way," I say with a funny tone and look up, not to see Ryder walking close to me slowly.
I look at him for a while and blink numerous times. I mean I've been thinking about him a lot, maybe that's why I'm seeing him.
But I heard the door open the other time.
"Gwen," he calls softly and that was when I knew it was him.
"When am I getting discharged?" I ask him instead. I don't want to go down the road of explanation. And I'm sure he must have seen the doctor before coming here.
"Tomorrow. Then you can come back for checking the wound."
"Am I going to get bald?"
" No. It's not going to be a permanent scar. And I've paid for them to give you a healing drug. Your hair will grow back in a couple of days."
I nod slowly and sit on the bed while looking at the stain with disgust.
"Gwen," he started again, slowly.
"Did I lose much blood?" I cut in again, unsure if I'm ready to have any conversation with him about his girlfriend.
I can hear him sigh, "A lot and you are to receive another pint this afternoon."
I nod again as if I was really attentive. I was occupied by his cologne and the huge aura around him. And the fact that I find myself loving this guy even though he will never be for me.
"Gwen," he starts again and this time, he's closer to me, "I'm sorry for everything."
I nod again, "It's ok. You shouldn't apologize. I just want you to remember I didn't force you to bring me to your home."
" You could have helped me in another way that won't cause misunderstanding with your girlfriend."
" Mimi is not my girlfriend," he says tiredly
I look at him as I search his face for something that will tell me I wasn't thinking well. That them having sex doesn't mean they are in a relationship.
"And I never mean to hurt you. I never mean for any of this to happen," he says and I look away.
There were many layers of lies, half-truths and truth in his words. My problem is figuring which one is one.
My headbang suddenly and I quickly support it with both my hands. I feel hands on me and look up at Ryder.
I look at him for a while before I slowly let his hands off my head.
He withdraws slowly, pains in his feature. Nevertheless, he only took two steps back.
"I will make sure nothing like this happens again, I promise," he says and I nearly scoff.
" You don't have to promise me anything because I won't be coming to your house. You can tell your girlfriend I'm not fighting a man with her."
" Gwen!" He calls but I'm not yet done.
" The reason why I decided to follow you was that I realized I would be free from Heidi's claws. I never knew I would meet a copy of her here."
Unconsciously, the tears slide out of my eyes. I didn't try to stop it or hide it. I think I need it.
"All I ever wanted was to live a normal life. I don't know why every lady you choose do think I am going to take you away from them! How can I? How can I even think of something like that?"
I stop suddenly when Ryder's lips touch mine. He wait for a moment as if I would recoil away in fear. When that didn't happen, he slowly kiss me.
Electricity sparks up in me. I feel my body vibrate by his kiss. And my heartbeat made an increase.