My resolve

Chapter thirty-four
Gwen
I look at the clothes he brought for me for a while before making my way inside the bathroom to wash up. I spent a lot of time in the bathroom because I kept thinking of what Ryder said.
I mean I don't even know if I should believe him or not. Sometimes, it seems like lies, and the other time it would almost look true.
I'm so confused.
I feel very dizzy and stomach pain has set in suddenly. I feel so hungry but I need to get dressed as I feel so dirty.
I walk out of the bathroom and realize he didn't even bring me any underwear. I wear the dress like that and lay back on the bed.
Aside from all other things, I can't seem to place my mind on why Ryder would kiss me. Why would he do something like that?
I touch my lips slightly so as if I would wake up. There's definitely something unclear to me.
Though, now, I'm not ready to find out. I just want to be alone. I want to stay away from Ryder. Last time it was Heidi, now it's Mimi. Do I know the next one? Do I know what they would do for me next?
What if I die? What if I become bald? What if I lose something very special to me.
I won't allow that. I will stay away from Ryder.
The door opens again and Lizzy walks in, with a bag, "Hi, I've got you lots of jealous food," she says happily and walks closer. She stops suddenly and looks all over me, "When did change? And how did you get a dress?"
I raise my brows at her, " You didn't see Mr. Ryder leave?"
She shakes her slightly, " I didn't. Did he bring this?"
I nod slowly, "I need underwear. He couldn't bring that over. It would be so awkward, you know."
She smiles with great understanding, " I will go and get it. You can eat then. I will be back."
I nod and watch her walk out. I take the bag and go through it. She brought me cereal and a hamburger.
I take the hamburger instead and decide to watch any TV show.
Looking at the images, I kind of remember my past life. And the fact that I need change.
The door opens again. I look up at Mrs. Johnson. I feel great happiness seeing her. These women has been the only good thing that have ever happened to me these days.
If I wouldn't be grateful to Ryder then I will because of Mrs. Johnson. She's the only one that makes me feel at peace. And I love her as if she's my mother.
"Gwen," she calls and moves closer, with arms stretched wide for me. I hug her, feeling rest assured that everything is going to be alright with me. She soothes my hair slowly.
I pull back after a while, "I thought you won't be back until tomorrow."
She smiles, " I couldn't wait. How do you feel now?"
" I'm ok. Ryder said I would get discharged today. But I don't want to go home."
She raises brows at me, skeptical, " What do you mean?"
" I will love to follow you home till I'm good enough to be on my own," I look away as I feel the tears tugged underneath my lashes, " I don't have anything with Ryder. I don't know why every lady would think so."
I look back at her, " Please, I don't want to go back to that house. I don't want to see Ryder again. Please, I don't want to die," I beseech softly.
She pulls me into another hug, "Don't worry. I will take you to my place. You can stay there to fully recuperate".
" Thank you so much," I whisper as my voice shrank immediately. It seems like a large lump has suddenly formed in my throat.
I couldn't stop the tears. I couldn't stop the pains I feel. I couldn't forget all the pains that they have all caused me. Everyone that I know.
Perhaps, I shouldn't have stayed behind that day. Even when the manager gave me such an amount of money, I should have fleed.
If I had, I wouldn't have met Ryder and all this wouldn't have happened to me.
But then if I didn't follow him, I wouldn't have been able to meet Mrs. Johnson. She's the first good thing to happen to me in this life.
I will always be grateful to her.
She pulls back now and wipes away my tears with the back of her palm, "Now, clear your tears young lady. Have you eaten?"
I sit back on the bed and nod briefly, " I have. I ate a hamburger. Lizzy brought for me."
"I didn't see her anywhere. Where's she?"
" She has gone to get me some underwear."
She nods briefly and gives me a bag. I look inside and there are lots of fruit. I look back at her, with gratitude, "Thank you so much."
Perhaps, my future is bright!