Take what's mine

Chapter fifty-two
Gwen
I turn around quickly and walk out of the house. I take a cab straight home.
My heart feels so heavy and I couldn't stop crying. Though, I'm not sure why it's all happening to me. I'm so sick and tired of it all.
I just want to be alone.
I walk inside my room and lock my door. I don't even want to see anyone.
I walk out of the room again to get cereal and milk. I will be in my room throughout today. I'm not going to go out but I will need to eat.
"Gwen!" Mrs. Johnson calls behind me, the moment I was about to walk inside my room.
I had even forgotten about her. I've been thinking about Ryder and Iizzy that I've suddenly grown farther from her.
She used to be like my mother.
I walk to her and pull her into a hug. She smoothes my hair slowly, "Are you ok? It seems like you've been avoiding me for so long."
I pull back and look at her, " No, that's not the case. I was just thinking about a lot of things. I hope you aren't offended?"
She smiles and shakes her head negatively, " No, I'm not. But what have you been thinking of that overclouded your mind so much? You used to be so carefree. Now, you've got a lot on your mind?"
I try to hold my tears. I shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't even let her know. But won't it let me feel better if I tell her?
"I have someone I love," I couldn't look at her though I'd decided not to let her know it's Ryder. It's only going to complicate matters, "But he has a girlfriend now. And it pains me to see them together. I don't know what to do. It hurt so much."
Unconsciously, the tears come out again. I let them drop.
Mrs. Johnson wipes them off and pulls me into another hug.
"It's ok, it's all going to be ok."
"What can I do? How can I stop loving him? Because no matter how much I tried, I kept falling in love with him the more."
" Has he ever asked you out?"
" No, he doesn't love me but he took me as a friend and gave me everything I've ever asked for," I pull back quickly and look up at Mrs. Johnson, fear over loud my mind.
I've just given her a clue of who the person is. Gosh, what should I do?
She smiles and nods briefly, "It's ok. You don't need to tell me more if you don't want to."
I sob the more and hug her, " Cant I fall out of love for him? What can I do?"
" Why don't you tell him how you feel instead? Who knows he might love you."
" No, he has a girlfriend."
" And how did you know he has one."
" I do see them together," I swallow hard on the large lump that has formed in my throat, "And they are happy together."
Mrs. Johnson pulls me back again, " Don't say that my dear. You can never know how a man feels unless he tells you. For all we know, the lady you call his girlfriend might be his friend."
Is that even possible? I mean it can, right? Ryder used to play with me. We were friends then. But now, we are not anymore.
Why was I waiting for him to call me? If he has a new friend, he wouldn't, right? And he might think I was busy and so, doesn't want to disturb me.
It might all be a misunderstanding.
Mrs. Johnson is right, I should speak with him. I shouldn't take my friendship for guaranteed.
But he wanted to tell me something that night. Gosh! I shouldn't have stopped him. I should have heard what he wanted to say.
How do I start now? He and Lizzy are always together.
I look up to Mrs. Johnson, hoping there would be an answer to my question.
"He and this girl are always together. There's no way I will be able to talk to him."
She smiles, " Find a time to do so. The lady won't be with him all the time. Find a time when they are not so together and do it. Let him know how you feel."
I shiver silently, " What if I get rejected?"
She shrugs slightly, "What if you get accepted."
"But it's really not right for girls to tell a guy how we feel."
" Then be back as his friends. You don't need to tell him by words, you can always do it by your actions."
Yes, she's right. I could let him know I love him with my actions instead of running away from him. He could have misunderstood that as well.
Running away means you don't want to have anything to do with that person.
Yes! I know what to do!