The Elementals: Chapter 44 Grief

“Wow, I thought you and Sky were bad, but watching them together is practically like watching porn” Rain complains.
“Oh, it's not so bad, I’m glad Ember is happy and moving on from Sky. I have to say though that I’m a little disappointed that it wasn’t you that hooked up with him” I say.
“He is sexy as hell, but he is too in love with himself to love me like I deserve. I can do better” Rain says.
“Damn right you can and I’m going to find you a Mr perfect.” I vow.
“I will get started on my wish list them, hmm does a 6 pack or over 6ft come top of the priority list?” She asks
“Tall should be prioritised, he can always build more muscle, but he won’t grow more” I recommend.
“You should really prioritise a water dragon. I’m sure Sky can help there since he is their new leader” My mother interrupts.
“Why a water type?” I ask.
“Most dragons mate within their own types because it is harder to have children otherwise” She says cautiously eyeing me.
“But you and dad managed and Sky’s parents are mixed too.” I say
“Your father and I tried for years to have you, much longer than normal and we lost some children before they were even born. It was very difficult, one of the hardest trials we faced as a couple. We were exhausted both physically and emotionally and had given up hope, you were our little miracle. I guess Sky was just lucky” She says, trying to hide the emotion that is clear in her voice.
I slowly process what she has just told me “So Sky and I might not be able to have children?” I ask.
“Nothing is certain, it is so rare for different types of dragon to mix that there is not enough research. Have you been using protection?” Mum asks awkwardly.
“I’m on the pill, we haven’t been trying to have a baby, but we would like them at some point” I say sadly.
“The pill will not work for you. As I’m sure you noticed in hospital, our physiology isn’t like a normal human, we heal faster and have a faster metabolism. The pill will not have stopped you from getting pregnant, which i’m sorry to say means that yes if you are not, you may have troubles like we did.” My mother says sadly.
I feel a weight building in my chest and tears readying themselves to fall. I can’t be here right now, I no longer want to talk to them, I just want Sky. He had taken up the position in Nasa and is currently at work, but I don’t care, I shift and fly to the nearest volcano to fly through the underworld and out in America. I reluctantly call a taxi to take me the last part of the trip since the council have yet to vote on coming out of hiding.
I find him in a small office with a lot of other people busting about. He looks at me and quickly comes over, sensing that something is wrong.
“Is everything ok Lily? The vote isn’t until tonight, did something happen?” He asks concerned.
“I need to talk to you. Can you come home please?” I ask gently.
“Of course, I will let them know that there is a family emergency and meet you outside.” He says.
I walk slowly to the exit, all my energy drained. I had gotten here on instinct and autopilot, but now I’m not sure how to even tell him, the weight in my chest only grows heavier when I realise I have to tell him that he may never be a dad, but I can’t let the tears fall yet.
Sky reaches me and we fly back together to Edinburgh. He doesn’t ask me any questions or pressure me to talk until we are safely in the privacy of our home.
“What is it Lily?” He asks gently.
“Its something my mum said. I have some bad news and I just don’t know how to tell you.” I explain.
“Whatever it is, we will work it out. I love you and nothing will get in the way of that.” He reassures me.
I should feel better, but I can’t let myself believe that, when he realises then he might just leave me for someone who can give him the future he wants. I prepare myself for the worst, for him hating me and I take a deep breath and say it as quickly as I can before I talk myself out of to “the pill doesn’t work for dragons, all this time we should have been getting pregnant but we didn’t and it’s going to be hard maybe even impossible to have children even when we do want to because we are different types.” I say.
He doesn’t respond straight away, he sits frozen and I feel my anxiety climbing as I wait for his rejection.
“I’m sorry, I understand if you want to break off our engagement to-” I start but I’m cut off as he pulls me into a hug.
“Its ok, we can get through this. We are still young so there is plenty of time to try. Plus there will be solutions, there are plenty of kids like us who need parents, we could adopt.” He says.
Relief washes over me when I realise that he isn’t running away from it, from me. The tears finally flow out as I grieve the loss of something I never had. Grief is funny like that, people assume that it is just experienced when a death occurs, but it’s about loss, loss of anything, even an idea or a dream. It’s not that I’m against the idea of adopting, it’s just that I have to grieve for the loss of the dream of little mini mes and mini Skys. I have to let go of the dream of a future I pictured and that is hard. There will be solutions, but that is not what I need right now. What I need is to cry, to know that Sky is still with me and for us to hold each other together through this pain. Tomorrow I will plan and think about solutions, but today I just need to feel it and process.
Unfortunately, we still have responsibilities to uphold and all too soon Sky and I have to return to the council meeting. I do my best to hide the puffiness of my eyes and to look more presentable, but I doubt I will fool anyone.
The meeting passes in a blur. I’m too caught up in my own emotions to really pay attention and I’m very glad that Hades followed through on his part of the deal and presented our case to the council because I couldn’t have done it today. The vote is close, as predicted, but since I get to vote twice, we just sway a majority. Dragons will be free to come out of hiding if they choose to. This should be a momentous moment, a great victory for our freedom, but I can’t feel it. The celebrations, congratulations and arguments that go on around the room are all lost to me. All I want to do is curl up in Skys arms and cry.
It takes several days, but eventually I pull myself out from under the dark cloud. Sky recovered quicker than me, trying to do research and find solutions almost straight away. I think it was harder for me because I blamed myself, I felt so guilty for not being able to give him the children he deserves. I had to realise that its not my fault, we both love each other and we didn’t choose this. Only then was I able to see the hope and options that my friends and family were trying to show me.