Chapter 20

**Bryn**


This is going way better than I could have hoped! Why have I been freaking out so much about meeting new people? I just needed to find MY people and I think I have. We’ve long since forgotten about the subject we were meant to discuss and moved on to casual conversation. I’ve learned that Ashley's dad used to be a pro basketball player who had to retire after a knee injury. Then there is Sal who wanted to go into athletic medicine because of a cousin who became paralyzed from the waist down playing football. He wanted to not only find helpful therapy for him physically but also a way for him to play other sports safely.

Everyone in the group has a story like this but when it comes time for me to share why I chose this field I hesitate. If I tell them that I chose this so I could patch Sawyer up when he went pro and we would be together forever, then they might lose any respect for me. They’ll think I’m obsessed with the hot headed hockey player. I guess they aren’t wrong especially when we were growing up. I kind of was obsessed with him but in a non-fangirl sort of way. Sawyer was my person and I wanted that to never change.

Too bad I can’t go back in time and warn my younger self that he would shatter my heart and run off. Yeah a heads up would have saved me years of recovery.

Now back to the matter at hand. To fudge the truth and be honest straight put. While I mull it over I notice a very familiar face and a body I’ve become intimately familiar with sauntering into the library. I pick up several people whispering as he passes them, especially the girls. They’re the giggling type that makes me want to gag. He’s a person just like anyone else even if he’s a sexy as hell one that has a way with his tongue that-

Nope. I will not think dirty thoughts when I’m around a huge group of my new comrades. God that sounded lame.

Sawyer stops on the other side of the table behind Emily who is looking nervously at the table. Her ears are turning red and she’s so still I wonder if she’s even breathing. Oh Emily, you poor poor soul.

“Sawyer!” I say with a tight smile. “What are you doing here?”

I am forcing myself to sound excited but the words are coming out between a clenched smile. What the heck is he doing here? I swear if he messes this up for me I will be cutting him off from sex for a month!

“I wanted to take you to lunch! That is if you’re all finished here.” He glances around the table and everyone is looking at him like he’s a Greek god among mortals and nodding.

“Of course! We can hang out more later Bryn.” Sal says. “You have our numbers.”

“Are you sure?” I ask but I’m really hoping they say they want to hang out more now.

They don’t and Sawyer gives me a triumphant smile.

“Okay, I’ll see you guys later then. I’m glad we got to meet.” I grab my bag and stand.

They say a collective goodbye as I walk around the table toward Sawyer. He gives them a quick wave but I don’t bother. Instead I storm out of the library without waiting for him.

“B! Wait up!” I hear him yell behind me but I don’t stop or slow down. “Come on, wait for me.”

“I don’t want to see you right now Sawyer, I’m pissed!” Still I stop and whirl around to glare at him. “What is wrong with you? Why do you keep showing up and getting involved in stuff that has nothing to do with you? I want to make friends here and have a life, but you want to block me at every turn! Why?”

I notice people waling by watching us so I grab his hand and pull him toward his truck. It’s huge so it’s not easy to miss. He unlocks the door and I climb in with a huff. When he joins me I turn my body to him and give him a look that says I’m waiting for an explanation. It takes him a second to get what I’m wanting and he turns to face me as well.

“I’m sorry…I don’t know why, but I can’t stand seeing you with other guys. The smiling and flirtatious looks drive me crazy!”

“What are you talking about? There was no flirting!” I say.

I can feel heat moving up my neck and that only happens when I’m insanely angry and he recognizes it as well. He swallows nervously and looks a lot like a deer in the headlights. At least he recognizes the signs that I’m about to blow my top on him.

“B, look I know I’m a fucking idiot around you since we’ve been together again but-“

“We aren’t together Sawyer! We’re hooking up. Which is all you’re capable of! I’ve accepted that fact and am glad to play along, but I won’t let you tell me you want to be more when I know how things are with athletes. You guys are ready to jump for bed to bed at a drop of the hat, and I’m not about to commit to someone who will feel trapped. That isn’t a nice place to be! I’ve already dealt with a guy who doesn’t care to commit to anyone and it felt awful! So please don’t do that to me.” I beg him. “I don’t want to be hurt like that, and I want us to be able to be friends even when the sex stops and we meet other people.”

He looks at me and there is a flash of something that looks a lot like hurt. “Bryn I would never hurt you like that.”

“No? Tell me how many girls you have been with that think you will want something more with them and you tell them that it will never happen leaving them crying and heart broken.”

He rubs the back of his neck and that’s all the confirmation I need. I turn to face the front window and hug my bag to my chest as if it can protect my heart from the mix of feeling I have swirling around inside me. Sawyer is the boy I loved from the first day and I know I will always love him, but I don’t think he knows what it means to love someone. He’s mistaking love with lust. In his mind because we have good chemistry in bed that we could easily be more, but I know that’s not true.

“Take me home Sawyer.”

I see him nod in the corner of my eye but he doesn’t say a word. Thank god, or I would explode on him again.


**Sawyer**

I have fucked up once again. It seems to be all I’ve done over the last few days. Why do I keep doing it? I can’t seem to think before I act, and it keeps getting me in hot water with Bryn. She keeps saying I can’t commit to anyone, and I’m starting to wonder if she’s right. I don’t know a thing about being in a relationship or if I even want that. All I know is I want to be around her all the damn time and it drives me crazy when she’s gone. I’m becoming obsessed with her, and it’s unhealthy.

Maybe I’m trying to make up for all the lost time. Maybe I’ve missed her so much that I want to know her again. Or maybe I’m a damn idiot who’s acting like a spoiled toddler who doesn’t want to share his favorite toy. I need to back off and give her space…

When I pull my truck in front of the apartment Bryn jumps out before I take the keys out of the ignition. I watch her storm off and decide to stay in truck and call for back up.

“What did you do now?” My brother asks as soon as he answers my call.

“Why do you always assume I did something?” I grumble.

“Because you’re an ass and Bryn is the definition of angelic.” He says even though we both know Bryn can be hellish if she wants to be.

“I keep screwing up with her. Why can’t I be cool about this and be fine with just being roommates?” I ask dropping my head back against my seat.

“Because your madly in love with her. You always have been but you were too big of an idiot to realize it.” He says it in a way that makes me sound dumb for not knowing.

“I have not been madly in love with her this whole time. It was never like it is with you and Poppy between us.”

My brother worshipped the ground Poppy walked on from the beginning. He was crazy protective of her and threatened anyone who came too close to his princess. He’s the definition of whipped and he doesn’t give two flying shots about it. He’s proud of it. He’s right, back then I didn’t appreciate Bryn. She deserves someone better than me.

I end my call with my brother and drag myself inside. Bryn is sitting on the kitchen counter dangling her legs while she eats a snack. That one small act cements it for me. I’m in love with Bryn and she’s going to break my heart.