Chapter 100: Bryn

“I’m not sure how to do this,” I tell the lactation coach. “He doesn’t seem like he’s hungry.”

Of I’m freaking out too much and scaring the poor thing.

“He will be okay not feeding yet, so we have time to continue practicing. But we can offer him a bottle for now until you feel ready to try again. There is nothing wrong with choosing to bottle-feed your baby. Many mothers do it and it’s completely fine.” The nurse tells me again.

I know she’s right. Tons of families choose bottle feeding over breastfeeding, but I want to try. I missed the experience of having a normal birth, so I want to try and do at least one thing naturally.

“I want to try again,” I tell her.

She gives me a soft smile and nods. “Of course. Why don’t we try skin-to-skin? Let’s have the baby rest on your bare chest for a little while and become more familiar with your natural scent. Some babies need that little extra bonding before they feel comfortable enough to feed.”

“Okay.” I let her take my little man and I pop the buttons off of the hospital gown until one whole half of my chest is bare.

She hands me the baby and I lay him on my bare chest. He’s only in a diaper so we really are skin-to-skin.

He’s so tiny…

He makes a few noises and squirms to where I’m worried he isn’t a fan of the skin-to-skin, but then he’s moving like a snake against me.

“Oh no,” I say but the nurse stops me from trying to return him to his old position.

“He’s okay. Let’s wait and see what he does.” She says and we both watch patiently.

A second later he squirms a little more until he’s close to my breast and then he wraps his mouth around the tip and starts to suck. I gasp because it’s a weird feeling and even more so when I hear him gulping. My body literally made food for him! This is so bizarre.

“See. He knew exactly how to get what he wanted. How does it feel? Does it hurt?” The nurse asks me.

I shake my head. “No, it’s a little weird but not painful.”

She chuckles. “Yeah, it’s a weird feeling for all moms at first but over time you’ll get used to it. You can always substitute with formula if it becomes too painful and you need a break.”

“Okay. Thank you!” I can’t take my eyes off my baby as he feeds.

There is a sense of pride knowing all that my body has done and will continue to do for him.

“Of course, and have them come get me if you need anything, Okay?” I nod. “Would you like me to send your husband back in?”

“Yes, thank you!” She says a quiet goodbye before she leaves.

I brush my son’s hair and smile as he lets out a big breath. Everything about him is so stinking cute. Molly was an adorable baby and I adore her, but my son is the cutest thing ever. I know I’m biased because he’s mine but it’s true.

“Knock knock.” My eyes lift from my adorable son to see Nolan come in.

When the nurse said she was getting my husband I assumed she meant Sawyer. “Hey! What are you doing here? I thought she was grabbing Sawyer. She said husband so..”

He smiled at the baby feeding on me. We really need to pick a name for him soon. I hadn’t thought of boy names since we were having a girl, and I’m feeling totally stumped.

“The guys went to help your family settle in at an Air B&B near the house. Jaxon’s mom dragged him away to help her return all the baby stuff and exchange it for new stuff before you guys are discharged.” He explains.

All his attention is on the baby and I realize that he hasn’t held him yet. “I’m sorry. You haven’t had a chance to hold the baby!” I didn’t want to interrupt the baby's feeding but I also don’t want Nolan to feel bad.

“It’s okay love, I’m okay watching him for now. You finally got him to feed and I’m not getting between a guy and his food. If he’s anything like his dad, he can be a pain to deal with when hungry.” He says but he leans down and kisses the top of the baby’s head.

I laugh. “You’re right. Let’s not find out. But as soon as he’s done.”

“There’s plenty of time.” He drops a kiss to the top of my head and sits on the chair next to my bed.

We’re quiet for a while, both of us watching the baby feed.

“Would you want a baby? I mean one that’s yours?” I ask him without looking at him.

I’m not sure how I will feel when he answers me, or if I’ll be able to hold back a reaction.

“I want it if you do. Honestly, I had never thought about having kids. I never thought I would meet someone that I could see myself being with someone seriously. My mind has always been on my future as a professor of medicine. Going to medical school, especially at a young age, didn’t leave much room for relationships.” I nod along to his words.

I could understand how something as intense as medical school could make having a personal life hard.

“My sister had called me out on it just before I bumped into you that day. It’s hard to explain but I couldn’t stop thinking about you. It doesn’t make sense to want someone so badly that you only just met, and yet here we are. All of us together like this is all completely normal.” He laughs and I smile at how handsome he looks when he does.

Nolan is the more serious one out of all the guys so when he smiles it's genuine and true. There is no way he can fake it, so that is how I know he means what he says. Nolan never says anything he doesn’t mean.

“You deserve to have me all to yourself. I’m sorry you have to share.” I mean it. “But I’m glad you’re here. I don’t think I could imagine my life without any of you in it. I never thought that this would be my life, and yet it feels…natural. Normal. It feels selfish and wrong to keep all of you, but I can’t help being a little selfish. I want you guys to be happy, and I hope that I can be that for you as long as possible.” I tell him.

“Just stop trying to give us a way out. We are joking about marrying you and having kids together. We wouldn’t say that unless we see this being long-term. Plus, I still think you should marry me.” He smirks and I shake my head with a smile on my face.

“Sawyer would never allow it. I wish I could marry you all, but…”

“You can.” He says with a smirk still on his face.

“What?” I’m stunned but curious.

“Have you heard of the Solomon Islands?” He asks with a raised brow.

From his expression I think he expects me to say yes, but other than a vague name recognition I can’t recall much about the place. “Not really,” I admit.

He chuckles. “Well, in the Solomon Islands, polyamorous marriages are legal.”

My eyes widen but before I can say anything I feel the baby release from feeding and I slowly move him up to my shoulder to burp him. I carefully pat his back until he lets out a small adorable burp and then I bring him down and wrap his blanket around him. Once he’s bundled up and warm I tilt my head to tell Nolan to take him. Which he does without protest and he smiles down at my son like he’s his own.

“So why are you telling me about this place?” I ask him.

He glances up at me. “We should go. Before our lives get really crazy.”

“What do you mean?”

How much did I miss over the last day or two?

“Sawyer go the call. He starts in two weeks. He’ll be going to California, and we’ll follow him.” He says easily.

He’s looking at the baby again and is completely oblivious to the way his news bomb has just given me a mini heart attack.

“What are you talking about?” I finally blurt out.

“I spoke to the school and one down in California. I’m being moved there. Jaxon got reassigned to the LAPD, and Maddox…he got signed too.” When his eyes meet mine again he laughs. “You should see your face.”

I have to shake my head a few times to clear all this news from my mind and make sense of it. “What about my school?”

“Because of what happened they have given you some leave so that gives you time to transfer to a school in LA. If that’s what you want. If you want to stay and graduate here then we can arrange for at least one of us to be here with you and the baby.”

I laugh now with tears in my eyes. “Are you kidding? I want to be wherever you guys are.”

And I mean it. Wherever they are is where I’m meant to be.

“Oh, and there’s one more thing…”

What the heck?