Chapter 82: Bryn

We barely make it through Speed before I start to get tired. It’s been a crazy day and all I want to do is change into some comfy clothes and slide into our soft bed with my two guys. But that would leave…

“Nolan, why don’t you take the room upstairs? Then I can drive you back to your place tomorrow morning.” Sawyer says, clearly reading my thoughts.

I sit up and look at Nolan to see what he’ll say. He looks a little surprised by the offer and glances at all three of us as if to see if anyone will object. None of us do, so he clears his throat and nods.

“That would be great, thank you,” He says with a small smile.

“Babe?” Sawyer squeezes my ankle, and I nod.

“Right. Come on, I’ll show you where everything is.” I tell Nolan while I struggle a little to get off the couch.

He jumps to his feet and holds his arm out for me to grab. I slip my hand through his arms and he stiffens his arm so that I can hold on tight to it and pull on him without falling. I feel way more pregnant than I am, but my sister was the same. We’re both petite, so we are bound to feel the size and weight of the baby much more. When I’m on my feet, I notice that Sawyer and Maddox had both stood to help me, but I had my eyes fixed on Nolan.

Crap. I shouldn’t be looking at him. It’s like my brain has shifted since Sawyer said he didn’t mind Maddox being a part of our relationship. Now I’m noticing things about Nolan that I should ignore, since I’m already in a relationship with two other guys. Why can’t I just be happy with what I have?

That has guilt the size of a rock hitting me and extinguishing any relaxed feelings I had until now. I drop my hand from his arm and point to the stairs.

“It’s this way.” I move past him and glance at Sawyer, who gives me a soft smile as I pass.

Before I get too far away, he grabs my hand and leaves a kiss to my knuckles before releasing me. It feels like my heart grows from that small show of affection alone, but I know it’s the way I love him growing even more intense. When I walk toward the stairs with Nolan following, I’m smiling. I think that was the point. He knows me too well.

I lead Nolan upstairs without saying a word. I’m not sure what to say right now with how gross I feel for thinking of him at all. My head needs to be checked if I’m this selfish. It’s not right.

We reach the spare room and I open the door to show him inside. I flip the switch next to the door and the space lights up thanks to the ceiling fan light. The room looks bare now. All of us share my room now, so there was no need for anything to be in this room. The plan had been to turn it into the baby’s room, but we haven’t found out the sex of the baby yet, so it seems too soon.

“The bathroom is across the hall. There should be clean towels already in there and everything else you’ll need in the shower.” I point to the door across the hall and Nolan follows my finger.

“Great, thanks.” He says when he looks back at me.
Our eyes meet and there’s a long moment where neither of us can look away. There’s this odd feeling that I get, but I brush that aside and give him the best smile I can make.

“Well, goodnight I guess.” I say in a far too peppy voice.

I walk around him to head for the door, but before I walk out, he calls out to me.

“Bryn.” I squeeze my eyes shut at the sound of his voice saying my name.

It sounds too soft and warm in his low voice, and if I turn around, I know he’ll be able to see how much I’m struggling.

Seriously Bryn, get it together!

I suck in a quick breath and turn to face him with that same ridiculous smile on my face. “Yeah?”

He doesn’t say anything and instead walks closer to me and stops about two feet away. There is a good enough space between us, but it still feels too close.

“I hope you know I don’t blame you for what happened today. Something tells me you’ll be feeling guilty over it for a while, but you don’t have to. I would do it again if I had to, so I’m not sorry and you shouldn’t be either.”

My body moves without my permission until we are close enough that I could reach out and touch him with little effort at all. I don’t. All I do is look up at him and let him see the battle going on in my head. Why does he make me feel so safe to let all my worries and fears out in the open like this?

He tilts his head slightly, and he cups my face. My eyes close and I lean into his touch. I let myself enjoy the feeling of him for a short moment before I open my eyes again. He’s watching me and I see an expression on his face that must mirror my own. We aren’t sure what to do about this…connection between us. Once again, I’ve welcomed a stranger into my life and felt a pull to them that can’t be natural. I should say goodnight and turn around and walk out of the room, but I can’t move. My feet are planted to the ground and show no signs of moving, but Nolan doesn’t move, either.

Instead, his hand slides down to the side of my neck and I shiver from the feel of his skin on the soft skin of my neck.

“Bryn…I…” He says but shakes his head and I expect him to step away from me.

He doesn’t. We stay there looking at each other for what must only be a few seconds, but it feels like we’re frozen in time. Just the two of us.

“Why do I want to kiss you so bad?” He asks me.

I sigh when he brushes his thumb along my neck and chin.

“I don’t know.” I admit to him. “Maybe I should go so you don’t feel the need to kiss me anymore.”

Again, he doesn’t back away, even though I just gave him the chance to. It would be the smart thing to do, so why is neither of us being smart about this?
“You’re so beautiful.” He says, and then he is leaning closer and covering my mouth with his.

I tilt my head up to meet his kiss and I slide my hands to his waist and client his shirt in my fists. His kiss is slow and soft, lulling me into this place where all I feel is calm. He pulls me closer against him by wrapping his arm around my waist. We don’t have a way to fully touch thanks to my belly, but he makes it work.

My belly…my baby…another reason this is not a good idea. Maddox showed from the second we met he was happy to be with me while I’m pregnant. To him, this baby will be just as much his as Sawyer’s and mine.

Nolan, on the other hand…I can’t expect him to be okay with me getting bigger and then having a newborn around. He is so handsome, and it’s not right for me to get close to him when so many normal women would be a far better choice. I have my guys who love my changing body, and that’s more than any girl could ask for.

I break our kiss and drop my head against his chest.

“What’s wrong?” He whispers next to my ear.

“We can’t do this.” I say into the fabric of his shirt.

He rests his hands on my shoulders and pulls me away from him so he can look at me. “Why not?”

I can feel tears forming, but I try to fight them back as best I can, and then I look up at him.

“You can be with any girl. I’m not right for you.” I tell him.

His forehead wrinkles slightly, like he doesn’t understand why I’m saying this, but he will. He’ll understand when he meets someone new.

“Why are you not right for me? I know we have a lot to learn about each other, but I’ve never felt anything like this before. There’s never been someone pulling me toward them so strongly than with you.” He sounds so sincere, but he can’t mean that.

“Look at me Nolan. I’m not exactly a sexy college student right now. Some days I’m too tired to do more than pull my hair back in a bun and go out without make-up. You deserve better than that.” I’m the one that backs away. “Sleep tight.”

With that, I turn and walk as fast as I can out of the room. I need space to clear my head. Or a distraction or two.