Chapter 27: Sawyer

Today begins the first semester, and Bryn is already booked solid for the whole day. I watched as she rushed around and ran out the door with a quick goodbye over her shoulder and then she was gone. Unlike her my classes aren’t loaded. This is my last year here and most of my classes were done early on. Bryn is a freshman, so she has to do all those basic required courses and the courses for her major as well. I think she decided to take some extra courses so she will finish quicker, but from the looks of her very detailed day planner, she probably won’t have much time for anything else including sleep.

I’m worried.

I know this degree is important to her, but I don’t want her crashing in her first year. She wouldn’t listen if I tried to tell her that, so I’m forced to sit back and watch her wear herself out. I’m not going to like that at all, but I have an idea on how to help her.

A quick text to Poppy and I have a list of some of Bryn’s favorite recipes. I don’t have practice until three thanks to the freshman on the team, and my class today doesn’t start until noon. That gives me plenty of time to dust off my cooking skills and whip up some food for my girl. If she’s going to keep me in good shape so I can get drafted, then the least I can do is make sure she doesn’t starve working toward helping me.

I haven’t thought about what will happen if I get drafted. The chances of me being chosen for a team in the state is low, so I would most likely be sent somewhere else. That would mean Bryn and I being in different states, and way too far away for my liking. I don’t want to get in the way of her finishing her degree, but I also want her with me everywhere. Knowing her she would find a way, but it isn’t fair of me to expect her to drop everything and follow me.

My phone rings and I groan when I see it’s my mom. I forgot to call her when I first arrived, and I’ve been so distracted with Bryn that I never got around to it. So, to save myself from inevitable guilt I slip my wireless ear bud in and answer the call.

“Hey mom.”

“Sawyer? Why do you sound so far away?” My mom yells, making me wince.

“I’m wearing earbuds, but you don’t have to yell I can hear you fine.”

“Oh! Sorry.” She laughs and I can’t help but smile.

There are so many memories connected to that laugh and there are so many years when we didn’t hear it that kills me to remember.

“So what’s up?” I ask as I pull out some zucchini from the fridge.

“I wanted to see how things are going! Also your brother shared some news with me today…”

Well, shit.

I made the mistake of telling Poppy that Bryn and I were dating when I called her and of course Zach heard. Clearly, he mentioned it to mom, and didn’t give me a heads up. Asshole.

“What exactly did you hear?” I ask playing dumb.

“Something about my son dating one of my favorite girls. I can’t believe this! It finally happened!” I can imagine my mom doing a little happy dance by the tone in her voice.

She loves Bryn, always have. Bryn had brought her sad angry sun out of his shell and gave him something to live for. If it hadn’t been for Bryn, my life would most likely have turned out very differently.

“Oh. Yeah, he’s right.” I try to play the whole thing off as no big deal but my mom is making all sorts of excited sounds anyway.

“This is so great Sawyer! She’s perfect for you, and you finally figured it out. That sweet girl followed you around and made you smile any chance she got. I can’t wait for her to be my daughter-in-law too.” She sighs. “I hope there will be more grandbabies coming soon.”

“Hold on mom we just started dating. I don’t think Bryn is ready to pop out little runts yet.” What I’m trying to say is I’m not ready.

I’m not even sure I want to be a dad.

“Well do you not plan to marry her?” She asks turning serious.

Okay this took a turn fast. “I’m not sure yet mom. Like I said it’s still early on.”

“Zach knew he would marry Poppy the second they met and did as soon as they could. They’re happy together, so it’s never too soon. Unless you don’t feel like Bryn is the one. If that is the case, I won’t tolerate you leading her on and breaking her heart. She’s a sweet girl Sawyer and deserves a kind man. I raised you, so I know you could be that man.”

“Mom come on-“

“No Sawyer. This makes me so happy, but I won’t let that sweet girl get hurt. So decide what your intensions are before she get’s too attached. Now, call me when you figure it out.” She hangs up on me just like that.

How did this simple conversation turn into her basically cutting me off until I’m ready to admit I want to marry Bryn and get her pregnant?

I shake my head as if that alone will clear up the confusion from that conversation. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that I wouldn’t marry Bryn but it’s so soon. I’m not like Zach, who jumps headfirst into things. He knows what he wants, and he acts without hesitation. I’m more of a don’t make too many big decisions that you may have to commit to for life…kind of guy. Marriage is a big deal, and because of what our dad did my mom takes it very seriously.

On more than one occasion she made us swear never to be like that man. Never take advantage of the blessings in life, and to always be kind to those we love. At the time I swore in my own mind that I would never love anyone and then no one would get hurt when I don’t want more. Except here I am dating my oldest and best friend, and I don’t feel that same urge to take off and lose her number. It’s not just the sex either, which is hot as fuck, but it’s her. Everything she does makes me even more crazy for her. Even when her hair looks like a tornado passed through it and she’s drooling. She is still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen and she’s all mine. I would be an idiot to screw this up, but I still feel this doubt floating nearby. What if we can’t last and I’ll have screwed us up by changing things this way? Or what if she eventually wants more and I’m too scared to give it to her?

Does she want kids? Does she want to get married soon?

Getting married before I’m settled in the NHL and with my team is risky, so even if she wanted to get married within the next year I wouldn’t agree. I want everything to be settled before I commit to something like that.

My chest is starting to feel tight, and I have to blink a couple of times when my vision starts to blur.

Fuck, all this thinking about marriage has me on the brink of passing out or having a heart attack. No, marriage talk is going to have to be a very far into the future sort of conversation. There is also so much new about Bryn that I still have to learn. Like the fact that she doesn’t like her feet touching the ground unless she’s wearing socks, or how she will wear earbuds almost everywhere. A lot of the time she’s pretty chill but once in a while she gets these random bursts of energy. She’ll be talking fast and dancing and being all sorts of crazy. Then other days she is so tired that she falls asleep instantly and everywhere.

None of which I consider a deal breaker but it’s something I’ve noticed and will have to get used to. Besides she spent years dealing with all my emotional crap I think it’s fair I deal with her quirks the same way.

I’m cutting up a few vegetables when I hear this beeping sound. Its faint but constant like an alarm. I follow the sound and it leads me to the bathroom. When I start pulling the drawers open it gets louder until I find the source of the noise in the last drawer. It’s some sort of small box with a timer on it. I turn the alarm off and open the box. Inside are several pills.

What are these for?