CHAPTER 10: PRISONER OF LOVE

As I dragged my feet back inside the funeral home with a gloomy heart and a burdened spirit, my mind was completely befuddled after remembering that horrible day. That day in which all of my dreams ended and totally vanished.


Yet again, having a close encounter with Penelope had made my entire system in a state of turmoil and was terribly sunken deeply once more at a quicksand. I suppose there will never be a time where I couldn’t feel any adverse feelings inside of me every time I talk or even see her.


She created a crater inside of me filled with utmost hate and disgust towards her. If ever given a chance, I would choose not to set eyes on her ever again. But unfortunately and unlucky for me, I had to bear with her for the rest of my life and see her every now and then, because we shared one common interest, which was our daughter.


Lucky for her, she bore me a child. That one dreadful and grim night accidentally birthed a life in her. And that life was the only beacon of light that would forever shine brightly at my shady and inky world. That life was the only consolation I had from the chicanery and cunning web that Penelope trapped me into.


If not for my daughter, who I loved the most and will forever secure a top place inside my heart, I would have divorced her months after we got married. If I hadn’t impregnated her back then, if that one sinful night was fruitless, I didn’t give a fuck if her family sued me or roughly disliked me for ending our marriage that sudden.


That was the only reason why I had to put up with her even if I ridiculed her and blindly stuck myself in a loveless marriage for the past six years. That was solely because of my precious daughter, which was Penelope’s only saving grace for having me in her life.


She may have been a curse and a living sacrilege in my life, a gangrene that was hopelessly incurable from the very beginning, but she was and still is an excellent and loving mother to our child. I bore witness of how caring and affectionate she had been to our daughter for the past six years.


Penelope didn’t only taught our daughter the basics of life while she was growing up, she trained Michelle to be smart-witted and fearless, to know how to defend her rights even at this early stage of her life. That is why as young as six years old, my daughter already knew a lot. She was fearless and unbashful to converse with people ahead of her age like a real mature individual. She bears the mind of a well-mannered and educated adult, which was totally astonishing and remarkably spectacular.


That was the one and only thing I am proud of Penelope at. Her drive and passion for being a great mother to Michelle has earned her a little respect from me, but aside from that, there’s not an inch of positivity nor praise that I could ever describe her.


Though I have seen and witnessed how dedicated she was and how she strived to be a perfect wife to me, yet I was forced not to admire and consider her deeds and efforts all because of what she has done. Although she tried countless and restless times to mitigate the pain and the damage she caused to ruin my life, there was no way in hell I could and would condone her.


Heavily hearted, I roamed my eyes in search of Pamela the minute I set foot inside the assembly. I found her sitting at the corner on her own while looking ahead of her where her beloved father lies in peace. My line of sight was directed solely at her alone. I closely watch as she gently pat her cheeks dry and heavily sighs with grief and pain for her loss.


I wanted to hastily head towards her side and remove as much pain as possible off her. But every time I am near her for the past few days when she comes back to town, I still can't stop myself from feeling guilty of what I did to her six years ago. The indiscretion and imprudent I did to our relationship were still freshly adhered to in my brain and were caking in me over and over again.


Although after we viewed her father’s body in the morgue where we talked for hours and she forgave me for everything I did to her, the guilt-conscience in me didn’t leave my side. It was still glued in my system however I tried to take it away from me.


Pamela was kind and genuine-hearted by birth. She was unselfish and loving, so natural and has the purest of heart. That is why I loved her to the very core. That is why my love for her, until this very moment, never ceases. But that is also why hurting her with such a devastating blow had put me to a spot where I myself couldn’t get over with, even though she had already forgiven me. The feeling still settled inside of me and however I tried to assuage and alleviate myself, it was still there.


I pray that a few more times spent with her would finally free me from my guilty-conscience that was continuously eating me alive. That maybe hearing her endless and repetitive words of forgiveness would totally give me the liberty I craved for years to obtain from the shackles of mistakes I’ve committed to her.


I pulled myself together, putting the terrible feeling behind me first, and made my way towards her. The minute she saw me, her gloomy eyes showed a glimpse of light as she weakly smiled at me.


“Where have you been?”


“Just outside to gather some fresh air” I murmured softly before releasing a heavy breath.


“Still haunted with guilt, I presumed.”


I gazed at her lovingly as the smile on her face remained with her. How did she manage to handle everything that had happened between us with such a lightness now? How come she seemed to have moved on from that horrible incident, yet I am still stuck with it?


“I don’t think that feeling would ever leave me, Pamela,” I uttered defeatedly. She swiftly held my hand and gently squeezed it before looking straight into my eyes.


“I forgave you already, Michael. I admit that what happened was horrendously hard and painful for both of us. It haunted me for years and made me restless for God knows how long. But I am also grateful that somehow my anger to you subsided as time passed by. Although I still feel the pain and wrath lurking inside of me until this very moment, they weren’t intended for you anymore.”


“How did you do that? How come you seem to have moved on, yet I couldn’t barely escape from it until now?”


“Well, my heart told me so. My love for you surpasses all the pain I had for you in the past. That had become my medicine for me to be cured from the grudges and pain you had caused me before.”


Her sincere response somehow enlightened the burden I had been carrying inside me. It was also the same reason why up to this very minute, I am still loving this woman whole-heartedly. I smiled back at her and embraced her tightly.


“Thank you for loving me this much, Pamela. Thank you for forgiving me after all the crooked things and the pain I’ve caused you” I secretly wiped the beads away from my eyes before freeing her from my arms.


“I forgave you because you deserve my forgiveness. Actually it was long overdue. I should have done that years ago after discovering the truth from Peter.”


“What truth?”


“Peter told me years ago how our sister had an enormous crush on you. He caught her before dreamily talking to you while staring at your picture, how she secretly confessed how much she loved you and how she dreamed of being me just to be with you and to have your affection. He approached her after that discovery and lectured her on the things that she must and mustn't do. He told Penelope to stay away from you and not to pursue whatever she has in mind, because of our relationship.”


“Jesus!”


“That’s when the realization struck me after knowing the truth from my brother. We all knew how obsession could lead people to do crazy and unimaginable things, which made me realize and put pieces together about what happened on the night of Penelope’s eighteenth birthday. She must have planned everything ahead of time.”


“So you’re telling me that she might have plotted everything that night and it wasn’t an accident? That she planned everything and just waited for the right opportunity and time to perform her wicked act towards me?”


“That’s how I saw it and so does Peter’s. Both of us strongly believed that our sister’s obsession with you led her to do the unthinkable and utmost impossible thing that night, which made me despise her even more. That’s the reason why I hated and abhorred her until the very moment. I would never forgive her for ruining my life and for ruining our relationship.”


“But why didn’t you inform me about that sooner? Why did you have to wait for all these years before revealing these things to me now? You should have done it way back then, after knowing the truth, Pamela. You should have told me years ago about this truth, so I could be the one who divorced her and not the other way around. Why prolong everything?”


“Simply because you were still married to her way back then, Michael, that’s why. Although given the truth that my love for you was extreme and immeasurable, I am not the kind of a woman who would wreck a home and steal a family from an innocent child. My conscience will not let me sleep soundly knowing that I was the one and the only cause why Michelle doesn’t have a complete family as she grows. I can’t do that to my only niece, Michael. She may be Penelope’s child by mistake and betrayal, but I couldn’t do that to your daughter. I am not that bad of a person to stomach nor even do such a thing.”


I was speechless for the words that came out from her mouth. Who wouldn’t love a woman like her? Who wouldn’t treasure someone whose heart was as untarnish and unselfish as hers? With everything that I have heard, I am loving this woman in front of me even more as minutes passed by and at the same time hating even more the root cause of all the evil things that occurred to us in the past.


“You have such a pure heart, Pamela. I am lost in words of how great your heart was, not just for me, but for my daughter as well. I am so grateful for your sacrifice on Michelle's behalf, and because of that, I am loving you more and more each day. I am helplessly falling in love with you all over again, Sweetheart.”


I want to dip my longing lips on hers this very instant and express how deep is my love for her over and over again. The urge in me and the love inside my heart for this woman were so intensely unbearable that made the whole of me restless and in an uneasy state. Without prolonging anything, I immediately grabbed her hand with gentleness and led her outside.


“Where are we heading, Michael?” She asks in bewilderment,but walking alongside with me.


“Do you still trust me, Pamela?” I momentarily asked after stopping for a while and waited for her reply.


She stared at me with all the love she has for me and smiled widely before nodding. “Yes, Michael, I still trust you with my whole heart.”


Her words were enough to levitate me in space. I was soaring high above the sky right now and every negative feeling and disturbing thoughts vacated me in an instant. All I could think of right now was the woman beside me, who didn’t just hold me as her prisoner of love, but made me a willing slave of hers for the rest of my life.