CHAPTER 68: ALIBI

An hour more before dawn breaks yet I am still restless from the time that faulty incident took place. I had been pacing back and forth countless times inside my bedroom, thinking on how to escape this terrible situation I am in. My mind has been circulating endlessly, bombarded with a guilty conscience that deeply bothered and troubled me for hours.


I am utterly clueless of what to do. As much as I wished to be honest to Penelope with regards to what had occurred between Nicole and I, my heart couldn’t simply accept the consequences that will inevitably take place if ever I disclose the truth to her.


Everything will fall apart, that’s what most certainly would happen if I reveal to my girlfriend that I had sex with another woman. Our relationship would be ruined and she would never look at me the way she did prior to the night before sinful activity. But if I were to hide everything from her and act as if nothing had happened, my conscience wouldn’t leave me in peace and I would be cheating on her more, and lying at the same time with pretentiousness.


I am utmostly in rummage. My thoughts were tangled in a ball of spiral web that I couldn’t think well and properly. As much as I wanted to rest from the exhausting acts I willingly committed, my mind couldn’t condone my body to be at ease nor even to steadily lie down. I had taken two antidepressant pills with hopes that it could somehow relieve me and reduce my anxiety and stress, but they were useless and ineffective in my current condition.


I was in deep and laborious thoughts, the one that I had been asking myself for hours ago, but I still can't grasp the answer to my query. I had been persistently and constantly asking myself, why on earth did I have to indulge myself in such an abominable act of lasciviousness? What has gotten into me for me to have sex with other women, specifically Nicole?


I had been through hell before and had experienced what it’s like to be cheated upon by a third-party. The feeling was roughly indescribable and intensely unbearable. I’d wished I died during that time I discovered Antonette and my best friend’s affair in her apartment. So why the fuck have I committed the same mistake that Antonette did to me before, if I am fully aware that it will deeply and severely hurt Penelope once she knows the truth? What got into me last night that made me cheat on her?


This was the same query I had been dying to know the answer to since the night before that until now I haven’t resolved. I was wondering why I acted strange last night, as if I was possessed by a pack of sex maniacs, which I have never experienced in my entire existence except yesterday. This made my mind ache for hours aside from Penelope’s wrath, which I am certain will come upon me once she knows everything.


Was it because of the seafood I ate the night before, which I admit that I partook a lot, having known to increase libido and sexual desires? Was it mainly because of that?


A part of me also thought of the possibility of being drugged, which was the least reason why I acted peculiar last night, because who would do such a thing to me? I could think of one person who could or might do such a thing out of desperation, but could she do such a thing? Was Nicole too desperate enough to go to that extent of drugging me just to have her way on me?


I was with her almost the entire evening and we had sex countless times, for Christ’s sake. She even begged me to stop, protested with all her might just to prevent me from continuing what I started with her. She couldn’t have faked everything, I saw how desperate she was to free herself from me. So how come she drugged me with the way she reacted prior to being carried away with my persistent onslaught? So the thought of her plotting against me was out of the topic, because I knew she wouldn’t go to that extent.


So it must have been with what I had taken the night before, which causes me to be sexually stimulated and horny. I don’t see any reasons why, but that one. I couldn’t put the blame on Nicole, she was a victim herself. I took advantage of her weakness and even dared her to show me how much she loved me. None of these could have happened if I simply didn’t let my raging hormones get the best of me.


And now that everything has occurred and there’s no way I can correct the mistakes I’ve made, what would be my course of action then? Will I or will I not tell it to Penelope? This was definitely something I must think about for a hundredth time, which I am not certain when I will figure out answering.


The sun was up and I had no other option but to commence the day on how I routinely do it even with no sleep at all. I forced my body to move and take a cold bath with hopes that the chilled water would somehow untangle my wayward thoughts, but it was unproductive as my distress didn’t even subsided a bit.


Once done with myself, I headed out light-headed and dragged my feet towards my patient’s room. Gently opening the door to check if he was awake, but the moment I saw him still soundly asleep, I walked away feeling relieved and headed out. I walked past Penelope’s room, still uncertain of how to face her as ill-stricken guilt caked inside of me. I was a few steps away from her door when I heard a clicking sound as it opened. My nerves started to convulse and my skin started to sweat bullets as I was rooted from my ground but didn’t dare to look back.


“Baby? Had you been to Daddy’s room? Was he still asleep?” I had to swallow hard several times to release the huge lump inside my throat. I could feel myself trembling with fright, praying inside of me that she wouldn’t notice my agitation and nervousness.


I swiftly looked back and plastered a huge fake smile to mask away my trepidations and fear. “Good morning, Baby! Yes, your father was still soundly sleeping. I didn’t also bother to knock at your doorstep with thoughts that you might be sleeping still.”


“I was awakened by a call at work, I have to be at the office later after breakfast. There’s something that I needed to sign” She conveyed as she walked towards me. She quickly gave me a chaste kiss on my lips when she reached me before locking her hand at mine. “You’re chilling, Baby. Why? Are you sick or something?”


“No! I… I took a cold bath to awaken my senses” I uttered, slightly stuttering before removing my eyes off her as guilt heavily pounded my chest.


“I see. Let’s have breakfast together, Michelle must still be sleeping.”


“Alright!” I had to fake even my tone to appear normal in her eyes.


I was striving hard to maintain eye contact with her and remained silent unless spoken to. She must have noticed it, because it was evident in her words.


“Are you alright, Lewis? You seemed to look a bit odd this morning. Is something the matter? Want to share it with me?”


“No, I’m fine! I just didn’t sleep well the night before, so I am somewhat light-headed this morning.”


“Any problems?”


“None! None at all, Baby,” I chuckled lightly to intercept my nervousness. I had a glimpse of her eyeing me, which made me switch the subject to divert her attention. “By the way, I had to tell you something.”


“What about?”


“I had to be away for a week. There’s a medical conference in South Korea that I needed to attend to further widen the scope of my medical knowledge. I am planning to bring you with me, but I am aware that you’re busy at work” I announced out of nowhere.


This alibi had encompassed my mind earlier this morning. There’s no medical conference that I had to attend, but I wanted to have time alone and just be with myself. That way I could think without worrying about bumping into her, nor with Nicole, while I am still having a difficulty on what to do about my haywired situation. This will be my temporary escape with hopes that I could resolve my problem and clear my thoughts with the given time I allotted to myself.


“Even if I’m not, I couldn’t leave Dad behind, especially that you’ll be away for a week. I had to look after him while you’re gone.”


“That’s what I was about to say as well.”


“When will you leave?”


“Later this evening. I haven’t told your father about it.”


“Was that why your mind seemed to be flying elsewhere?”


‘Oh, God! She noticed.’


“A bit, yes. I was thinking if I should proceed with it or not.”


“You must, Baby. That’s important, right?”


“I was thinking that it would be a week without you. I’ll miss you dearly, Baby,” I sincerely confessed as I held her hand tightly. It’s true that I would be missing her, I am not lying about it.


She smiled lovingly at me before answering. “It’s just for a week, Baby. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? Don’t think about it, let’s catch up once you return. We could spend a night together perhaps to catch things up.”


There was a hidden meaning behind her words, which I am certain what she was implying. If only I didn’t sin at her, I would be ecstatic at what she said. But what I felt now was so gravely intense that I couldn’t feel any excitement at her words, only enormous guilt and utmost regret.


I sighed heavily inwardly before responding to her. “I like the sound of that, Baby. Wait for my return then” I whispered, pecking the back of her hand with trembling lips as I tried my very best not to tear up.