CHAPTER 73: TO MAKE HER BELIEVE

My mind was spinning with wayward thoughts as I scrubbed my body off with remnants of Nicole’s extract under the cold shower. I am completely aware of how to surpass this quicksand I put myself into, but the process is excruciatingly hurtful. Whichever way I think things through, the end result would always boil down to hurting the woman I dearly loved and ruining a just started love affair, which gravely pained me to the extreme.


If there is an only way to somehow lessen Penelope’s pain once she knows everything, I would willingly exchange my life with it to partially alleviate her feelings from the upcoming suffering she would definitely experience. I will never forgive myself if I saw her crumble down at my feet due to extreme pain and agony, which I had bestowed upon her. My conscience will forever haunt me for as long as I live if I witness her crack down intensively because of my wrongdoings.


How I wished I could return back in time and redo what happened. I aching wished that I could turn back the hands of time, a day before that night I mistakenly had consecutive sex with Nicole. If I would be given a chance to do so, then I wouldn’t think twice of returning back a few days from now to prevent that horrible and unthinkable scene from occurring.


I wouldn’t be feeling this sickening guilt if none of these ever occurred. Nicole wouldn’t have her claws at my neck and had her way with me if that night of salaciousness and abomination with her didn’t happen. I wouldn’t have been departing as well and forced myself to be away with Penelope if not an inch of these took place. And there would never be an incident where I had to lie to her if I didn’t sin and committed a grave mistake that now jeopardizes our relationship from tearing apart.


But since what’s done has been done, there’s no other way but to face the consequences that I terribly knew I must face sooner or later. I am certain that the easiest way of redeeming myself from Penelope’s extreme rage was to be honest with her and ask for an apology, to accept my mistakes wholeheartedly and explain everything to her with truthfulness and sincerity.


There’s no other way to make things lighter for me, because from the way I see it, Nicole will do everything to grab a hold on me. She will use what happened to us to frighten me, to make me stay with her and continue to sin with my girlfriend, which I will never do again. Just like what I told her earlier, I’d rather accept and embrace my pitiful downfall than further hurt the woman I love.


After what Nicole did to my body a while ago and right after what I told her about ending her merry days soon, I came to a conclusion not to push through with my departure and to face my hellish situation like a true man I had been. Hiding the truth from Penelope was already an act of cowardness, and leaving even just for a while, would only add to the spinelessness I didn’t wish for myself to be dwelling with.


This was the only way I could think of right now to stop Nicole from further exploiting me and degrading my dignity. I had no other choice but to reveal everything to Penelope, the sooner the better, to end Nicole’s wickedness on me and somehow grant me some peace of mind.


I swiftly finished bathing and wrapped the towel around my waist. I had everything summed up inside my head, I will face Penelope and hope for the lightest sanction she could possibly give to me. The longer I prolong disclosing to her the truth, the more painful it would be for her and the greater my guilty conscience will be caked in me.


I almost jumped off my feet the minute I reopened the bathroom door. Sitting at the edge of my bed and looking straight at me was my girlfriend, who seemed to be waiting for quite some time. I could feel every muscle in me trembling with great fright as I gazed and studied her facial expression, which was emotionless.


“Penelope! What… Have you been there for quite some time?”


She didn’t respond to my abrupt query, but asked a different one, which made me literally frozen and grounded from where I stood with the tone of her voice.


“What happened here between Nicole and you?”


I just came out from a cold bath, yet here I am now sweating in bullets all over again at the weight of her inquest. It was as if she nearly had a clue or a wild guess of what had occurred minutes ago between Nicole and I.


‘Had she bumped into Nicole minutes ago? Did Nicole tell her something for her to ask such a straightforward and emotionless question to me?’


I wasn’t expecting to see her sooner, although I was planning to speak to her and open up everything. This totally caught me off the hook, which caused my mind to be completely blank. I didn’t know how to react nor how to respond to her uncalled for inquiry. Her question left me speechless as she didn’t leave a sight off me.


“Penelope…”


She suddenly shook her head slowly as her eyes became misty and somber. Her body begins to tremble uncontrollably as well. She took several deep and laborious breaths before closing her eyes then suddenly, out of nowhere and as if they were pricked with something pointed, beads of crystal fell rapidly from them. Keen, sharp knives lacerated my heart, making me voluntarily weep as guilt flooded me at the sight of her.


“Did you touch her? Don’t you dare deny it to me, Lewis, because I saw her coming out of your room in her most disarrayed and disrupted appearance” She murmured through her tears.


“I can explain everything, Penelope. Please allow me to do so” My feet swiftly walked towards her and kneeled in front of her. I was about to hold her hand, but she hastily stood up and distanced herself from me.


“Six years ago, I committed an extremely grave sin to the family I grew up with, specifically to the person who I thought was my sister. The night of my eighteenth birthday, I had sex with her fiance, seizing every opportunity I had been given and took advantage of his drunken state. I did that intentionally to Michael out of my deep love for him. Now it pained me that karma was taking its toll on me. I never thought of how much it pained and devastated Pamela before, not until I was the one experiencing it now.”


I was utterly shocked at what she revealed and it doubled the guilt I was feeling, because I made her relive those painful years of her past, which I knew she desired to forget.


“It wasn’t my intention, Baby, please believe me. The night you were too sleepy was also the same night where I felt like I had been drugged. I lost my sanity and control over things, which ended in something unexpected.”


“Such a lame excuse, don’t you think? Might want to level up that excuse of yours, that way you might convince me that you were forced to do it with her.”


“But that’s the truth, Baby. I don’t know what came into me that night for me to feel like a sex-starve monster.”


“So you had been cheating on me since the other night? You could have simply told me you were extremely horny that night, so I would have resisted my urge to sleep and let you fuck me instead of her!” She furiously shouted, which made me swiftly head towards her, but she stopped me from reaching her when I was just a few inches away. “Don’t come near me, Lewis! And don’t you dare fucking call me Baby! You disgust me! You just made me look less of you! How could you even look at me now after what you did to me?”


“Penelope, please believe me. I never meant to hurt you, that’s the truth. I would accept your punishment wholeheartedly, but please don’t break up with me. I love you, Penelope. I am sorry for what I did, for what happened the previous night and a while ago.”


I cut our distance and embraced her tightly regardless of how she struggled to free herself from me. I was so afraid that if I let her go, she would leave me and break our relationship. I am terribly devastated now, what more if she decides to end everything between us.


“Let go of me, Lewis! You sickened me! Let me go, I said!” She pounded my chest, but I didn’t free her. I had to pin her at the wall and restrain her hands upward so I could make her listen to me.


“Baby, listen to me. I am telling you the truth. I admit I made a grave sin to you, but God knows how sorry I was for committing them. It wasn’t intentional, Baby. I was drugged. Someone must have placed something on my drink for me to stupidly act like a sex maniac. Believe me, Penelope, I love you. I wouldn’t intend to hurt you.”


She was continuously shedding eye-soring tears, which completely gripped my heart as I cried rivers of tears with her. “None of what you say will make me believe you, Lewis. It’s best we end everything now. Let’s stop this nonsense relationship right here right now.”


“No! I will not let you end anything between us, Penelope! Give me time to prove everything to you. Give me ample time to search for the truth about my hunches, so I can prove to you that I am not lying. Please don’t leave me, Baby, please don’t do this to me.”


“Have all the time you need to prove your stupid claims, because I don’t give a fuck of what you say nor what you wish to do! Let me go because your mere presence makes me want to puke!” She fought her way to be released from being held captive, but I firmly held on to her, not intending to let her go in this state of ours.


Thinking of nothing but to subdue her anger on me and make her listen to my explanation, my lips abruptly locked hers as my body pinned her even more, out of frustration and helplessness. If I had to make love to her now for her to feel how much I love her and how sorry I was for what I did to her, then I would spend the entire evening and even the rest of the following day, just to make her believe me.