CHAPTER 107: GOODBYE, LOVE
As much as I desired to deny it, I hate to admit that I was moved at Nicole’s unforeseen confession. I never imagined she would say those words, how she unbosoms her affection towards me was something I didn’t expect of hearing from her.
This triggered a slight jolt of pain inside of me that I didn’t wish myself to experience. I shouldn’t be feeling sorry for her, but I did now. There was this building mass inside my head, which made me anxiously unsettled as I smoked on the veranda. I tried to remove this certain feeling of guilt inside my system, because I knew in myself that what I did was noble and right since she committed a crime and has to pay for it, but it kept on coming back and pestering my conscience.
‘Fuck! Why did you have to say those things to me, Nicole? Why now when I already did what I have done and sold you out to the police? Why did you have to feel this way towards me? Why do you have to fall for me, which only makes it complicated for me to go on with my life without getting pestered by my conscience? You should have simply enjoyed the fuck and didn’t let yourself fall in for me!’
But what’s been done was done and whatever I feel now doesn’t matter anymore and doesn’t weigh anything any longer. I couldn’t take back what I said to the police and I would never do it anyway. I did what any man would do if they were in my shoes, that’s the only thing that keeps me from not being totally pounded by guilt. If it wasn’t I who had told the details to the authorities, someone would have if they knew where Nicole was.
‘Don’t let yourself fall into her charm and sweet words, Dylan. What you did was right! You were just lucky that it was you who got this once in a lifetime opportunity. If it wasn’t you, others would be doing what you did as well. Stop thinking about her welfare, because she is a criminal and people like her have to pay for their crimes. You have no reason to feel guilty.’
Nicole and I had another round of fantastic sex at the villa she rented. Her body was extremely exhausted and wasted with utmost satisfaction right after I extracted my seed inside of her. I looked at her for the very last time and felt all of her as I was panting on her top.
I already made up my mind. As much as my body ached to feel her as I truly had a great time with her, this thing between us has to end. I had to end it now. I couldn’t afford to let myself be attached to her. I knew myself better than anyone else. If I get attached to her further, the more it would be hard for me to let go. So there’s no other way but to end everything as soon as possible and to never see her again.
“I need to go, Nicole,” I swiftly uttered as I climbed down her bed and started wearing my clothes back on.
“I thought you’d be staying here for a while. You told me so earlier at the hotel, remember?”
I tried hard not to gaze at her, because I might have a change of heart, which I didn’t intend to do. It was obvious in her tone that she wasn’t pleased with what I said. But I already had my mind fixed. The money was more important to me than anything else in this world right now.
“I forgot that I need to meet up with a client in an hour, business as usual.”
“I see,” She sadly murmured before slowly covering her nakedness. “But will you be back later?”
There was a long pause on my part. With the tone of her voice, she was evidently hopeful of my return, which made me feel the weight of leaving her even heavier on my shoulders. “We’ll see. If the meeting ends early.”
“Alright, take care.”
“You take care. I have to go now” My feet swiftly strode towards the door, but even before I could open it, her arms wrapped around my waist from behind that made me sigh heavily as I tightly closed my eyes.
“I love you, Dylan.”
Her simple yet heartfelt words made a part inside my heart twitch with sudden pain. I hate hearing these from her. The more I hear it, the harder it is for me to bear the thought of leaving her. I let out a harsh breath before responding.
“I love you too, Sweetheart.”
“I’ll wait for your return.”
Before I could even betray myself as I suddenly became confused of my own feelings, I freed myself from her and completely left her room without daring to look back and stormed out of her place in a flash. The minute I was inside my car, I slammed my fist on the steering wheel out of nowhere.
‘Fuck! You cannot fall for her, Dylan! That’s not your priority now! Do what is right and stop entertaining what you are feeling! Focus! Think of the money and what it would do to you! Think of where the million dollars will lead you! Think wisely and stop distracting yourself with this craziness! You can’t love a woman like her! Stop this pathetic love thing and focus on the money! There would be even more women out there whom you can fall in love with, just not her! End it now or live in regret when you let that hefty sum slip your grips!’
I heaved one final deep breath before I started the car and drove it in speed. I strived hard to free my mind from Nicole and headed straight to a liquor shop. I need to drink this feeling away or I will definitely lose my own battle. Once I purchased two bottles of tequila, I drove back to my apartment and started my one on one session with myself.
“Forgive me, Nicole, but I had to do this. I just couldn’t let go of the money, I needed it more than my heart needs you. If only we’ve met in a different time and place, I might be loving you without any restrictions. Goodbye, Nicole. Goodbye, Love,” I bitterly proclaimed before gulping a generous amount of liquor straight right from the bottle's mouth, hoping my body would immediately get intoxicated and stop my heart from beating her name.
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