CHAPTER 42: IF THIS AIN'T LOVE

The discussion was still taking place. It had been hours from the time Attorney Sparks had entered my father’s office and yet the deliberations seemed endless. The two were immensely in deep conversation as Attorney Sparks laid every detail on the table, scrutinizing and analyzing each and every fact and technicalities. They were obviously preparing for tomorrow’s affair.


By just merely looking at them, on how they are burning their eyebrows for this issue I am now facing, there was no doubt that my father was diligently doing all that he could to assert the matter. I could see undying determination written all over his face, his desire and hunger to win this case against my ex-husband, so the court will favor me with exclusive rights for my daughter. The drive he was exerting now was supremely astonishing and earnestly overwhelming.


I had never seen someone who was as will-driven as his. It just wasn’t his determination, which makes me look up to him, but his unwavering effort was mostly what made me revere him more. Never has anyone exerted such an effort for me ever before, no one from the family I thought I had before and Alexander Gerard Hunt was the first, that is why my respect for him and love was beyond unimaginable and totally beyond words.


Certain that the ongoing meeting wouldn’t conclude any time sooner, I did the liberty of excusing myself and respectfully headed out for a breath of fresh air. Although I could almost see the finish line ahead of me and could almost grasp the most coveted prize in my hands, the climbing process towards it was mind-gripping and intensely nerve-wracking. I had to exclude myself for a while to somehow alleviate the ghostly feeling and anxiousness I couldn’t prevent myself from experiencing.


I saw Lewis sitting patiently at the lounge area as soon as I set out from my father’s office. He swiftly stood on his ground when he noticed me and walked towards me without further ado. The expression on his face wasn't pleasant. It was like there was an enormous battle going on inside his system and he was in the middle of the storm itself. The crumpled lines on his forehead, his gloomy and ill darkened eyes and even how his lips were curveless evidently shows how disturbed he was now.


“How are you feeling now, Penelope?” He hastily asks straightforwardly, disregarding the stares from the other employees who have heard his deeply concerned query.


“Still managing to cope up.”


“Would you like to have a coffee downstairs? So you could free your mind for a bit?”


“Yes, please.”


As we waited for the elevator to settle down at the ground floor, I couldn’t stop myself from being amazed at this man beside me. How he genuinely expressed his unfaltering support and concern towards me was something I truly admire about him. He was vividly making me see that he was indeed a friend, who was more than willing to give a helping hand at all cost.


Nicole was undoubtedly blessed to have him. She was truly a lucky woman for having a man such as him. Lewis wasn’t merely a gift from heaven’s above, but he was indeed and without a shadow of a doubt a complete package.


I couldn’t cease to think of Michael. If only he was like Lewis, if only he was even half a man of Lewis, things between us couldn’t have ended disastrously. Our marriage wouldn’t have concluded in a way that made me regret I ever fell in love with him and gave him my all. If only Michael possessed a heart just like Lewis then perhaps our daughter wouldn’t be in between two raging tides and wouldn’t be in this situation now.


My heart couldn’t desist from yearning for the impossible. It continued to wish and hope for things I was certain of not coming to pass and I already knew would never be revived. There would never be a second chance for Michael and I, there wasn’t even a first to begin with, even if my heart still longs for him at this very moment.


However I desired to suppress my love for him, to shut down my mind of thinking about him, I simply couldn’t willed myself of doing so. Until this very day, it was still him that my heart beats for and my mind thought of. Even if I am perfectly aware that what I am yearning for was the most impossible thing that could ever occur, still that fire in me doesn’t subside. And this made me hate myself to the extreme.


“Penelope?” He murmured gently before placing a hand at one of the elevator’s door edges. I was caught in surprise by his call, which made me look at him dumbfounded before gazing where his hand was. “Are you alright? You were too lost in thoughts.”


“I’m sorry. This situation about Michelle was sending my mind into deep space. It got me too absorbed, which made me oblivious of the passage of time.”


He didn’t say a word, but his next action had taken me aback as I felt an electric volt suddenly stream its way through my fingertips. My body got alerted at his simple gesture, I couldn’t comprehend why all of a sudden I felt jittery and confused.


‘Why does his mere touch, which I am certain of didn’t mean a thing to him, created such an impact on me and rummaged my system in a trice? Was this simply because I am not accustomed to a man getting too clingy with me? Was it because I wasn’t used to acquiring such attention from a man in the past?’


***


I couldn’t bring myself to stop from meddling into Penelope’s personal affairs. My mind just couldn’t suppress the urge to pry and be attached into her private life. Although I am fully aware that her father has his hands at it, I still can’t quite willed myself not to interfere with her privacy.


Although she wasn’t asking nor seeking my help, I can’t seem to comprehend why I desire to be there for her at all times.


Seeing her earlier when she abruptly barged inside her father’s office unannounced and uncalled for, my mind already figured out that something was enormously bothering her. The way her eyes were sharply smothering and how uneven her airflow was, then and there I knew that something was not right. She looked like she was daubed with a toxic substance in a carelessly rough manner. I am not fully aware of how deep and heavy the problem about her daughter was, but the mere sight of her a while ago and how her mind was flying in space now, it was enough for me to conclude that Michelle was in a terrible shape back there.


Without asking for what she wanted to have, I did the liberty of ordering for her. As I waited for the staff to hand it to me, my eyes were fixed solely at her while she sat in silence and was looking ahead. I had never been too attached to a woman, except for my ex, as much as I am now with Penelope. There was indeed something about her that drove and pushed me to cling on her even though I shouldn’t be.


Setting my troubled mind aside, I carried the tray towards our table and gently placed a cup in front of her. She simply smiles before continuing her mind’s endless journey. I watched her for minutes while sipping my coffee, studying her facade and analyzing the cause of her abrupt disturbance. Several minutes more, I could no longer contain myself from voicing up.


“What happened, Penelope? Did something happen to Michelle back there? Is she in some kind of trouble?”


She responded first with a heavy sigh before finally opening up. “Michael said a lot of harsh and foul words to her the night before. Words that a six year old child shouldn’t be hearing in the first place, even though they had the mind of an adult. She called me a while ago before I barged inside Dad’s office, telling me what had occurred while bursting in agonizing tears. I also talked with Carol, her stay out nanny, she confirmed all the things my daughter disclosed to me. I wanted to wring Michael’s neck to death for hurting Michelle” She promptly paused as painful fluids streamed down from her beautiful eyes, which made my heart twitch in ache. “I feel so worthless, Lewis. I was supposed to be the one who would protect her from harm against anyone, but where am I? A decent and noble mother must protect their offspring at all costs, yet I wasn’t there beside her to do that. My heart was torn and shredded into shard bits when I heard her weeping her heart out. Her sobs were like keen knives slashing my heart severely. I couldn’t do anything to alleviate her pain and that grieves me a lot now.”


Without thinking of anything else but to partially ease her sorrows away, my feet swiftly moved and I sat next to her. My hand automatically pulled her close to me and caged her in my arms. She wept her heart’s content on my chest as I tried to soothe her anguish by gently caressing her back. She was shaking uncontrollably, obviously that she was in extreme pain.


“Don’t worry, Penelope. Everything will be alright. I know that your father will not let this incident simply pass without making any move. Things will be better, believe me. Your father will not let Michael get away with what he has done to your daughter.”


She wraps her arms around me as she cries in succession. A warm feeling touches my heart with her untimely actions. It was as if she was hugging my heart itself. I could feel it swelling with unexplainable joy, which gave me a certain kind of peace I never felt for quite some time now.


I don’t want to conclude what I am feeling, but I am certain that this isn’t merely a simple thing. Everything seems right whenever I am with this woman. Everything seems so serene and ethereal every time I spend time with her. There were no dull moments with her. She would either leap my spirit in heavenly realms whenever she’s exuberant or buried me with adverse emotions whenever she’s down and in sorrow.


I am fully aware of what it is. I am positively sure why I am like this towards her. This isn’t just an ordinary feeling or a friendly feeling, it was something extremely deeper than that. If this ain’t love, then I don’t know what it is and how to describe it.