CHAPTER 36: DO OR DIE MISSION

All my life, for twenty five years of my existence, I had never been this humiliated and thought so low of myself. From the time I was old enough to understand what’s happening around me, never did anyone shame me the way Lewis has done earlier at the fish pond. I couldn’t recall a single moment in time when someone made me feel like I was unimportant and this insecure of myself. Only Lewis made me feel like trash. He alone filled my mind with thoughts that I see less of myself when almost everyone around me doesn’t.


What happened earlier outdoors wasn’t something I had expected to occur. It wasn’t something that I had adhered to, not after all those time I spent holding on with my emotions. All along and with a positive outlook, I thought everything would be smooth-sailing and wonderful the minute I disclose to him what I truly feel for him. I waited for the right time, patiently and quietly stood by for the good opportunity and perfect timing to tell him the truth, which I kept hidden inside my innocent heart for almost two years.


There were a lot who tried to catch my attention and captured my meticulous heart, but no man had triumphantly succeeded and piqued my interest in them even though most of them did the extreme simply to please me.


I am meticulous in many ways, not only with material things, but most especially with the opposite sex. I think numerous times before indulging myself in purchasing a certain commodity, the same goes with men. I don’t precisely look at physical features, although I consider it as a bonus, my eyes dig deep on what’s inside a person, their personalities and characteristics. And that’s what made Lewis appealing and fascinating to me.


Lewis was a man whom God took time to carve and made into perfection physically, he was also immaculately flawless in the inside as well. What really caught me to him was his kindness and his compassion towards his work and the people around him. He was the only man who I saw fitting for me and would make me happy.


I learned to cherish and treasure him inside my heart after a month of carefully analyzing him. That’s the time I told myself that he was the perfect one for me. As time passed, my heart grew fonder of him. There was never a time where I craved to behold his beauty and witness his highly contagious and beautiful smiles. His smile alone could remove all my worries away. I learned to love him secretly and in my own little way, with hopes that someday he would see me the way I see him and we level up the friendship that we built in years.


But what happened earlier, how he ruthlessly and unmercifully broke my hopeful and innocent heart that solely yearns for him and his love, destroyed every remaining light in me. Not only did I hate him for being so tactless, I am deeply mad at him for hurting me this much.


This was my first time experiencing such a wonderful feeling for a man, yet also my first ever heartbreak with the same man who I have high respect for and extremely admired. I never thought he was capable of saying those things, especially that we became close friends over the years.


Lewis was the reason why I held on with my job as Mr. Hunt’s personal assistant at home. Mr. Hunt offered me a much higher position, a supervisory role at Hunt Global Corporation after a year of seeing my full potential with a salary triple of what I was earning as his personal assistant, but I humbly declined his generous offer and stayed. It was all because of him and him alone. Yet now, after hearing his heartless words that face slapped me triple times, he simply made me regret not grabbing the opportunity that came my way.


I hate him. I hate him to the fullest that I wanted to slap him in full force for what he did earlier to me. All the respect I earnestly have for him evaporated in thin air. All the admiration and yearning my heart feels for him vanished as if it was a bubble that suddenly popped in an instant.


The veins in my body were bulging in anger right now as I stared at his photo in my phone’s gallery. I could feel every muscle in me clenching with extreme rage as I ran through the words he had spoken to me earlier.


I was misled by his kind gestures and sweet words. All along, I thought what I felt for him was the same as his. I thought that the feeling I wholeheartedly perceived for him was mutual, that he too felt the same for me. He tricked me, he made me believe that we have something wonderful ahead of us and was simply waiting for the appropriate time to make it happen. I couldn’t believe that I patiently waited for the right time to come, but all waits were practically in vain.


“I hate you, Lewis! You are so ruthless, a beast hiding inside a gentle facade. Didn’t you know that you were lucky to have an intimate relationship with me? Many men tried, but failed. Several men lured me and even tried to pamper me with glitters and gold, yet none of them caught my attention. You alone captured my heart, Lewis, yet you were so blinded to notice it. Why? Was there someone else who piqued your interest? Was there a woman who captured your attention the way your ex-fiance did? I am not like Antonette who would trash you just like what she did to you in the past and I could prove that to you, if only you would give me a chance to show to you how much I care and love you. You hurt me so much, Lewis! Why does it have to be you who my heart longs for? Why does this stupid heart of mine still love you now after all the harsh and unimaginable words you said to me? Why do I still wish for you to be the man for me even though I am hurting this way?”


Rivers of sorrowful beads course down my cheeks as I blurrily stare at his picture, a picture of us together taken months ago. My heart was tearing apart in anguish and grief, utterly clueless of how to stop it from aching. If only I could order it to stop from suffering, if only I could mandate it not to love him, but I couldn’t. It was badly aching now, yet it still yearns for him.


If he thought I would stop pursuing him, then he is damn wrong. If he thought everything I felt for him would slowly disappear and die naturally, just because of what he said, then I would prove to him how persistent I could be to win him and his heart. I didn’t wait for years to simply go home empty handed and not gain my most coveted spot in his life. I didn’t reserve my heart solely for him just to end up being a failure and forever heartbroken. I would fight for him for as long as it takes. And if someone had already captured his heart, then by all means, I would do everything to exceed that someone in every aspect as much as possible and snatch him away from her, whoever she may be.


I will not be disheartened in aiming for my dream of having him in my life. Nothing and no one could make my love for him waver. The more he resists me, the more that I will pursue him. If I have to go the extra mile just to win his affection and make him see me the way I see him, then so be it. I will push it through to the very end until I achieve my ultimate wish of becoming the love of his life next to Antonette. There’s no way I would back down, not now and not ever. It’s a do or die mission for me that I would uphold until my very last breath.


‘Be prepared, my love, because you haven’t seen the last of me. If you think you got rid of me that easily, then you don’t have a clue of what I am capable of doing. I could turn your world upside down, Lewis White, and there’s no way you can stop me from having you, not unless you love me back.’