CHAPTER 54: ONE CHANCE

Unable to find an appropriate position that will relieve me from pain as I secretly watched writhing at what was ahead of me. My hands were shaking as they tried to administer some sort of comfort as I stood helplessly and completely still, afraid that a single movement would make the pain worse or they might sense that I was eyeing them from a distance.


My face was contorted in agony with brows furrowed deeply and eyes widely opened in disbelief and bewilderment. I was biting my lower lips to suppress myself from bursting out and to somehow relieve the excruciating pain deep down within me.


I couldn’t believe what I was witnessing. My eyes were terribly sore at the sight of them, especially with what Lewis had done, who initiated such a despicable intimacy to Penelope. I hate her as well. She was such a flirt and an undeniable seductress. Her eyes must have expressed something, which made Lewis kiss her. Or perhaps she must have said something that led Lewis to dipped his lips at hers.


I harbored to cry out and scream the agony of witnessing them. I wanted to shriek in deep rage at them for hurting me with such an intensity that literally made me hunched over and clutched my chest tightly. Every muscle in me clenched. It was trembling and jiggling with extreme wrath. The breathing I am making was rapid and shallow. I am gasping intensely and cursing several times inside my head.


Words couldn’t describe how their intimacy created such a sharp, stabbing and shooting anguish to me right now. It was like a double edged knife struck straight at my heart and twisted heavily. My entire body was throbbing in discomfortable torment and cramping torture.


I was right all along. My hunches were right. It was her. It was Penelope Hunt, who was the one Lewis was eyeing at and I hated myself for being right. I am wishing that it would be someone else, someone lesser than me, and not her. The realization that it was Penelope who had captured Lewis' heart made me crestfallen and at the same time enviously abhorrent of her.


I saw Lewis walking towards the back garden a while ago and I wish to talk to him again. That was the sole reason why I followed him. But never in my wildest imagination that he went out to see Penelope. I didn’t expect either that she was waiting for him as well.


‘I hate you, Penelope! You were such a flirt! If I know, these are one of your ways to lure Lewis. You acted as if you were not attracted to him, but deep inside, you were aching to acquire his attention and affection. You are such a cunning tease and I abhor you so much! But you cannot have him, Penelope, because Lewis is mine! I saw him first and he knew me first. You were just a newcomer, yet you have the audacity to steal my man away from me. I will not let you have him. I will not go down defeated without a fight. Just wait, Penelope! I will gain my man, by hook or by crook.’


***


As my mind continued to spin and swirl with what just happened, my heart was thumping loudly and somersaulting from its ribcage. I could feel it wanting to leap out. The thumps were ear-deafening and nerve-wracking.


I couldn’t suppress and control the trembling of my body as Lewis maintained eye contact on me. My mind was enthralled and trapped in its swirling motion that it couldn’t think well and circulate normally. My lips were quivering as well. The intensity of the light kiss made it fiery and burning with a certain kind of longing that I never felt during the time I was kissed accidentally by Michael on the night of my eighteenth birthday.


The feeling I had with him that night was incomparable to the one I am feeling right now with Lewis. Even though that was merely a gentle caress on my lips, yet the feeling in me was beyond the night I had sex with Michael. Lewis' gentle kiss was far beyond anything I experienced with my ex-husband, it was miles behind Michael's. And this literally blew my mind away with wonder and unexpectancy.


I am aware that not stopping him from doing what he did was utterly a mistake, because it would be unfair to him if I engage myself with what he wishes even though I deeply know from the bottom of my heart that I am not prepared yet to commit again, but why does it feel so intensely good? Why does every second that I think of his warm kisses on mine, I feel so divinely intoxicated and serenely at peace? If that was wrong, then why does it feel so right?


“I will not apologize for boldly kissing you, Penelope. Hate me or mock me if you wish, but I will never apologize to you for what I did. I simply desired to release what my heart content has for you.”


I was temporarily lost in space by his tantalizing stares and enchanting words. I couldn’t bring myself to utter a single word to tell him what I wish to convey, yet I willed myself to speak. I mustered all the remaining strength in my body and opened my mouth.


“I am extensively confused right now, Lewis. What we shared seconds ago only complicated my thoughts and level up the disturbance in my heart. This is wrong, Lewis, we both knew it was wrong and we shouldn’t indulge ourselves with it.”


“How can you say it’s wrong, Penelope? Was it wrong to love you? Was it wrong to express what I truly feel for you? I love you, Penelope. I am certain of it, most certain of it now” He whispered pleadingly, which made my head lower down as uncertainty still clogged my mind. He swiftly held both sides of my face and lifted my head, aiming his burning eyes straight at my frightened ones. “I love you, Penelope. Let me love you. You will never regret it. I will take care of you in ways that Michael never did. Just give me a chance please.”


“You will be hurting someone else’s feelings if you pursue what you are feeling for me, Lewis. We both knew that.”


I tried my best to compromise, still not wanting to give in even if my heart says to give it a try. Because aside from my mind’s uncertainties, I am completely aware that Nicole would be affected once this comes to her knowledge. She will definitely be devastated. I saw how much she loves Lewis. Merely seeing how tense and worried she had been when Lewis’s nose was bleeding after Michael punched him back in Beechworth, there was no doubt that she loved him so damn much. And the least thing I could do for her was to lessen her sufferings after perceiving that it wasn’t her whom Lewis loves.


“Who? Nicole? It can’t teach my heart whom to beat at, Penelope. I can’t force myself to love someone whom I don’t have any feelings with. You are the one my heart beats at. You are the one it screams out. Give me a chance, please Penelope. I will prove to you how much I love you. If you need ample time to heal and be whole again, then I am more than willing to wait for you. I don’t care how long, I will wait for you. Just give me a chance and let me love you.”


“I can’t, Lewis. I’m sorry, but I really can’t.”


With haste, I pulled myself from his touch and stood up. My feet swiftly marched away, wanting to escape as far as possible from him even before I could betray myself and eat the words I already said. Just when I thought I was far enough from him, a hand grabbed hold of my arm and abruptly pulled me back. Suddenly, I was wrapped in the warmest embrace a man could ever give to a woman. Lewis’s body warmth and his highly intoxicating scent made my knees wobble and unstable. I had to cling on to him so I could steady at my ground.


“Please, Penelope, give me a chance. I will never make you regret it, I promise. I don’t give a fuck of what Nicole would be feeling or what she will say. All I care about is you and my heart that scream for your name. Don’t shut me out. Just give me a chance and I will make the most out of it, prove to you that I am the one for you. Please, Penelope, just one chance.”


His words, together with his severely warm embrace, made me completely helpless. It made me totally surrender at his persistent pleas as my head slightly did a nod, which I am aware he felt. Then as if back in an enchanted trance, he swiftly swept my heart away by brushing his soft lips on my trembling ones.


Firecrackers exploded in the air as he passionately caressed my lips. I could hear the angels singing heavenly symphonies in my ears as my mind became clouded and void of any compelling thoughts. I would be lying if I say that I didn’t desire or longed what he was doing now, because right this very minute, all my heart screamed of was him and him alone. It blocked every negativity in me as I let myself be completely free.