CHAPTER 59: IN HER EYES

My eyes bore witness to everything this time. Although I couldn’t hear anything, since I was rooted meters away from where they are now, their actions were enough to make me conclude that both parties were in an intense discussion. Nicole’s outbursting features and physical attack on Lewis were evidently a demonstration of how angry she was.


From where I stood at the ballustre of my terrace, I vividly saw the occurring situation down ahead. It wasn’t my intention to pry on their affairs, but I was here first because sleep didn’t beget me. I first caught sight of Nicole sitting alone at the stone bench inches away from the pond. Then minutes later, Lewis appeared.


Even though I convinced myself that I wasn’t at fault for her miseries and I shouldn’t be blamed for what she was feeling now, there was still a part in me hurting for her current condition. I knew it would be unfair on my part to convict myself as the infiltrator of pain to Nicole, yet I somehow had a contribution to why she was in this terrible state.


I wish to talk to her so I may defend my side, but with what is occurring now between her and Lewis, there’s no way in hell she would listen to any words that I would be saying. Judging solely on her appearance now, she would never adhere to any explanations from anyone. I had been in her situation before and I knew exactly what she was dealing with at this point. She would never take heed of any clarifications from anyone, especially from me. There’s not an inch of elucidation that would suffice her grieving state.


In her eyes, I am the bad guy. In her eyes, I am her nemesis and her vicious enemy. She would never believe any rationales from anyone, she would only adhere to what she feels and what her mind thinks. Nicole would never compromise on anything at this point. She was hurting badly and not I, nor Lewis, could ever alleviate her adverse emotions as of the time being.


Regardless of what I do or what I say to her, she will never listen to me. It would only be useless even if I talk to her. So I have no other option but to stay away from her and let her be. I just wish that in due time she will eventually see that I was never her foe and I didn’t steal anything from her, which I am certain is what she was thinking of me at that moment.


***


“You will never be happy with her, Lewis, not until I am around” She continued while still weeping extensively.


I understand her feelings perfectly. She was grieving because her heart was badly injured. She was wailing in agony because of the truth she discovered. I truly understood where she was coming from, I actually do. But what I couldn’t accept nor tolerate was the fact she put almost all the blame on Penelope, who did nothing to her.


Penelope isn’t in any way at fault here. She didn’t do anything to be blamed at. I was the one who made this decision. I was the one who fell for her and wished to pursue her. None of what was happening now between Nicole and I has anything to do with Penelope. So Nicole shouldn’t include her, not even a bit, in our conflicts now.


“Stop this nonsense, Nicole. I am fully aware that you are hurting extremely and God knows I am terribly sorry about it, but it’s best that you respect my decision and acknowledge the truth open-mindedly. You can never force me to love you instead, because we both know that I couldn’t give you that love you wish for. What I could only offer to you was friendship and that’s all I can share with you.”


“But I love you, Lewis! Why can’t you just love me instead? What does she have that I don’t? I am obviously prettier than she is! My body has more curves than hers! Or was it because she’s wealthy? Was that it? Is that the reason why you liked her rather than me?”


What she uttered made me sick as I shook my head with utmost disbelief. How could she think so little of me now? Did she think I got attracted to Penelope simply because she was an heiress? Did she think it’s all about Penelope’s current status that made me fall in love with her? I couldn’t believe that she would go to the extent of degrading herself and ruining everything I knew of her before just because she was in so much pain.


“Let’s end everything now, Nicole. I came to you with hopes of clarifying things between the two of us, but it seems your mind is currently closed to any explanations and reasonings. I’m sorry I hurted you. I apologized for making you somber and for deeply causing you pain. But this is the reality, Nicole, and there’s nothing you can do but to get hold of it and accept it.”


“I can’t, Lewis! My heart can’t simply comply with what you wished for me to do! If you can’t force yourself to see me the way I see you, then I couldn’t as well oblige myself to stop loving you!”


A heavy and laborious sigh escaped from me as I watched her closely. There’s nothing else I could do for her anymore. I stated my purpose of seeing her now with hopes that she would find it in her heart to understand our situation, but it seems that wasn’t the case to her.

“There’s nothing else I could do, Nicole. I’m sorry. I’m deeply sorry. I am ending everything about us from this very moment. And please exclude Penelope in this, because she has nothing to do with my decision. I was the one who chose her and not the other way around.”


She stared straight at me with fiery eyes. They were filled with indescribable rage, which somehow shaken me for Penelope’s sake. By the looks in her eyes now, there’s no doubt that she wasn’t even half through whatever it is that her mind was conceiving. It was as if she was telling me that I would regret what I did to her and I wouldn’t like what she was yet to do. This certainly gives me a fright, not for myself, but for Penelope’s.


***


If Lewis thought that I would simply recognize and take heed of what he says, then he was utterly wrong. He doesn’t have a single clue of how badly hurt I am feeling now. He doesn’t know how my heart was suffering now just because of all the things he conveyed to me. If he thought I would simply back down and let his way happen, then he was way damn out of his mind.


I’d rather die than to see them both happy. I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of being jovial with each other, while I am grieving in melancholy and glumness. There’s no way in hell I would simply shut up and let them be merry. I will fight for what is mine and no bitch heiress could stop me from having the man I loved.


‘Pray that I die sooner, Lewis, because God forbid me, I would do everything just to have you.’