CHAPTER 9: GHOST FROM THE PAST

I watched her go and ran away from me. The way her body shook from my grip as if she just emerged from a December night swim and the cold breeze of the evening penetrated her entire system, only proves that she was still evidently guilty as charged from the haughtiness and unimaginable sins she committed. Those cat-like eyes that quivered as I stared at her signified deep pain and endless grief, which I knew well enough she was still bearing.


I know she still hasn’t moved on from the past, from what she did to me and especially to her sister. And I would be damned if she would. That ill-stricken abomination she purposely did will forever haunt her in her sleep and will not leave her in peace. Whatever she does to free herself from that self-condemnation and shamefacedness, that ghost of her past will always be behind her, viciously clawing her conscience countless times for the rest of her life.


I didn’t feel any regret, not an inch at all, that I was one of the causes for her to feel this way. All the adverse emotions that she was experiencing now definitely served her right. She deserves all the misery, agony and excruciating pain, she deserves all of it.


I loathed her before for what she did to me and I still loathe her now. My wrath for her exceeded my limitations that all I feel now was hatred and contempt for ever being connected to her. I abhor her to the extreme. What she did was clearly unforgivable and defies any sort of kindness and compassion from anyone, which she craves to acquire.


She ruined my life six years ago. She destroyed my dreams, along with my heart, because of her selfishness and her undaunted greed just to have someone that was not hers. I had never encountered anyone who was as evil and wicked as her. She was the epitome of profound immorality and fiendishly black-heartened. She was the mother of all aversion and shamelessness.


Never in my wildest dream did I think that she would have the guts and face to do such a heinous and dubious act to ruin my relationship with her sister. Because of her inward-looking and inconsideration to others, her heedless and self-seeking ambition, she devastated the lives of almost everyone around her and made a demolition that was incapable of rebuilding.


The only remorse I had for myself was getting too intoxicated that night. If only I didn’t drown myself with too much alcohol and stayed conscious enough to know what I was doing, none of these could have happened. But regardless of how I blamed myself and felt sorry for what had occurred, the damage was done and it was all because of her.


Although Pamela was kind-hearted and genuine enough to give what we’ve lost a second chance, those past six years that were snatched from us could never be returned. How my heart ached for those wasted six years, where we could have been happily married and had children of our own, if that incident didn’t happen in the first place.


As I stood silently amidst the dim-lit surroundings and the cold gentle breeze of the evening, I couldn’t stop my mind from returning to that apocalyptic and catastrophic morning that bewildered not just me, but the entire Watsons’ household.


*Flashback*


A troubled knock on the door awakened my deep slumber where I could hear Pamela’s anxious and frightful voice at the other side calling her sister’s name. Feeling light-headed and still groggy due to excessive intake of alcohol the night before, I involuntarily forced my eyes to open only to be shocked at my current surroundings.


On a spur of the moment, my head swiftly moved sideways and I was jolted off to bed as I saw Penelope, Pamela’s youngest sibling, soundly sleeping beside me with a blanket wrapped over her body. By the looks of her alone, anyone could tell that something out of the ordinary indeed occurred last night. I hastily looked at myself and confirmed what my mind was thinking. I was completely naked.


“Jesus! What the fuck!” I loudly cursed that made the woman beside me stir and opened her dreamy eyes. Abruptly searching for my boxer and pants, which I found rummaged and settled on the floor, I hastily put them on me as my eyes never left hers.


“Michael? Fucking open the goddamn door, Penelope!” Pamela kept on pounding the only barrier that separates her from us.


Penelope swiftly climbed down the bed and was about to open the door with only a blanket covering herself when I firmly held her arms and looked at her with utter disgust.


“Might want to wear something decent first before opening that fucking door” I uttered with mockery and anger, eyeing her with daggers of stares and wanting to wring her neck to death. She did what she was told as I watched her moving in slow motion, obviously still sore and in physical pain. My eyes diverted, from her to the bed she just vacated. Now that the blanket is removed, I vividly saw stains of blood sitting on the mattress that made me curse even more and take the life out of me. “Fucking shit! What have you done, Michael? You piece of shit!”


“MICHAEL! PENELOPE! OPEN THE GODDAMN DOOR THIS INSTANT!” Pamela continues to adamantly bang the door. I could hear other voices outside as well that only intensified my fear.


Even without gazing at Pamela now, the tone of her voice alone concluded how ragingly furious she was, which made my blood run cold. Every part of me was frozen and was in a stand still. I couldn’t even move from where I was standing and was deeply grounded from my feet as my mind was in a state of total chaos and waywardness.


Penelope quickly opened the door with a trembling hand the minute she was clothed. Pamela’s horrid and disbelieving stares went off from her sister to mine, they lingered to me as she stared at me widely with eyes stricken in flooded tears and her body was shaking vigorously. Behind her was her father and brother, who gazed at us with the same repellency and abhorrence.


“It was an accident, Pamela! I can’t even remember how I ended up in this room! I was so drunk last night that I thought I was with you!” I exclaimed and tried to reason out with her as I was about to approach her, but Peter shielded her from me even before I could get near her.


“Don’t you fucking come near her, you piece of trash! I’ll kill you, Michael, if you even dare come close to Pamela!” Peter said in a raging tone.


Penelope and so was Pamela were both silently weeping as the latter was held tightly in her family’s loving arms with their piercing eyes staring straight at me.


“Pamela, Sweetheart, listen to me please. Believe me, I’m sorry. I wasn’t aware of my actions the night before. It wasn’t my intention and I really thought I was with you. I am a victim myself. None of these were intentional, Sweetheart. Please, believe me. I love you!”


But regardless of what I say and how I plead to her, her sharp and deadly stares told me that she wouldn’t believe every word that would come out from me and that she will never forgive me. It made me sicker and I wanted to throw up for the unwilling mistake I had committed to the only woman I loved all my life.


If I thought I was already at the peak of my grief and despair, what she said next completely threw me down off the cliff, because I wasn’t expecting to hear it from her. “The wedding is off, Michael. What you and that woman did to me was unforgivable and immeasurably unjustifiable. I couldn’t even willed myself to look at you with the same love and affection I did prior to today. You ruined everything for us, our dreams and plans, the goals we’ve set forth for our future together, all of them got smashed with this grave misconduct and abomination you performed. I hate you, Michael! I hope you rot in hell with her!”


With haste, she marched away from my sight leaving me totally devastated as I wailed in agony for the promises I unintentionally broken. My eyes landed on Penelope, who gazed back at me with guilt-filled stares and bloodshot eyes. My jaws were clenching extremely and so were my hands in utmost rage towards her. If I didn’t have to run after my fiance and try to reason with her to reconsider her sudden decision, I might have bestowed all my fury and frustration on this woman now or might have killed her by ruining everything I had with her sister.


“Pamela!”


“Stay the hell away from me, Michael! Don’t even try to woo me back! I fucking hate you to death!”


I cared less of anything as of the moment. All I ever wanted at this point was her forgiveness and that she take back her spoken words of not pursuing our scheduled marriage. I felt so helpless as I ran after her. My heart was aching with all the commotion that was happening to us now. She was running away from me as swiftly as she could. I caught her hand in the middle of the road and held on to it as if my whole life depended on it. Without a word, I tightly caged her in my arms, intending not to let go.


“Please, Pamela. Listen to me, I beg you. I didn’t know what happened, I swear. I wasn’t aware of everything. I woke up with her beside me. I couldn’t even remember how it all occurred. All I knew was it was you who I was with the night before. Please, Sweetheart, believe me. I’m telling the truth. Forgive me please, Pamela. I love you so damn much. Don’t trash our decade of love. Don’t do this to me. Reconsider your decision of not marrying me.”


She pulled herself forcefully away from my embrace and a hard and chilling slap landed on my cheek. The blazing coal that lies in her eyes scorched my very soul that made me feel so little of myself. She stared at me with darkness looming over her and undefiable revulsion that I had never seen from her ever before. It sent an intense shiver down my spine as I felt myself extremely filthy and like a pile of garbage in front of her.


“No words from you or from anyone else could make me change my mind, Michael! We’re through! I no longer wish to be married to you! You tainted our relationship by sleeping with her! You disgust me! Get out of my sight!” She pushed me away, but I didn’t let go of her hand.


“It was an accident, Pamela! God knows it wasn’t my intention! I am not a fool to waste all these years of love and relationship with you for just a night of misfortuned shit! Please, Sweetheart, take me back. I’m sorry. Give me a second chance, please Pamela. I beg you.”


“I’m sorry, Michael. But what you did was unacceptable. Intentional or not, accident or not, the mere point was you fucked up bigtime and it screwed both our lives. I wouldn’t marry you, there’s no way you could force me to pursue what we had planned. If there’s someone you have to marry, then that’s my sister and not me!”


*Flashback Concluded*



I regretted that day. It was the most devastating day of my life. Until this very moment, the wounds from that morning were fresh inside my heart. It grieved me every time I remembered it. If it wasn’t because of Penelope, my life wouldn’t be as empty and shattered as I had now. I put the blame to her for destroying my life. It was a ghost from the past that will forever unsettle my heart.