CHAPTER 83: PILLAR OF STRENGTH

No words could ever describe what I was feeling at this very moment as I stood right next to where my father’s coffin was. The mixed emotions of sadness, grief, longing, agony and pain were balled up in one massive mass that devoured my entire being and pounded me to a state I didn’t have a clue if I could ever surpass.


This was the worst occurrence that happened to my life. Although it was just a short span of time that I’ve discovered my biological father’s existence and such a limited time that I had been with him, the feeling of loss was adamantly excruciating. Nothing can be compared to the weight I am bearing now knowing that my own flesh and blood, the man who gave life to me, could only be alive inside my heart and memory.


It deeply desolates and wretches me that he left the world with no one beside him. No one was with him during those times he was suffering from hardness of breathing, during the last minutes of his life. If I was there or perhaps Lewis, we might have saved him still and none of these would have occurred to him. I stood guiltily that I wasn’t around during those times he was being racked with pain and experiencing contractions. I knew that what happened was uncalled for and unseen, but nonetheless, if only someone was with him that time then we could have prevented this tragic incident from occurring.


“I’m so sorry, Daddy. Please forgive me that I wasn’t there with you during that time. I regret not thinking of your welfare and became complacent with your progressing result, which I shouldn’t have done. I’m terribly sorry, Dad, I really am. I hope you can forgive me for thinking of only myself and forgetting about you. I love you so much, Daddy. I wish I could turn back the hands of time so I would have just stayed with you that night and never left your side” I uttered in intervals with my sobs and cries.


“It wasn’t your fault, Baby. None of us wish any of this happens to your father. This tragic incident wasn’t anyone’s fault, so you shouldn’t put the blame on yourself. If your father could only hear you, he would have said the same thing.”


“But we could have prevented it and could have saved him if only he wasn’t alone in his room. I am partially to be blamed, because I had been complacent of his latest medical progress, which I overlooked that things might still get out of hand. I shouldn’t have been in his room that night and not in yours. As his daughter, it was my duty and responsibility to look after him. But what did I do? I was in a man’s bed and having the time of my life while he was downstairs suffering and in so much pain. What kind of a daughter am I?”


He swiftly caged me in his arms as I drastically wailed all the pain and guilt caking inside of me. “Please don’t be hard on yourself, Penelope. None of these are your fault. It happened because it was his time to depart and be reunited with your mother. Stop blaming yourself, Baby, these weren’t your fault. I think we should head upstairs so you can rest for a while” I immediately shook my head and was about to express my protest when he suddenly lifted my overly exhausted body and carried me away from everyone who was present and mourning here outdoors.


I could no longer resist him as he walked inside, securing me with love and care in his arms. Lewis never left my side since the day I discovered dad’s unforeseen death. He was true to his promise of taking care of me and never leaving my side, as he was with me everywhere I went. I’m not aware if he manages to sleep properly and adequately, because almost all of his time was spent on me and tending to my needs.


He gently laid me on the mattress once we arrived in my room, making sure I was comfortable enough before sitting right beside me and lightly caressing my hair. I am genuinely thankful to him for everything he had done and had been doing for the past two days since daddy passed away. I couldn’t have handled this grave situation if he wasn’t with me, in which I would be forever grateful to him.


“Thank you, Lewis, for being here with me and for me. I really appreciate everything that you are doing for my family.”


“You don’t have to thank me, Penelope. I am here not just for you, but for your entire family. Your dad wasn’t merely a patient for me, I considered him as my father as well. He taught me a lot about life and I am deeply thankful for everything he did for me in the past. I also promised him that I will take good care of you and Michelle, that I will keep you safe no matter what, during the last time we talked. I aimed to keep my promises to him and I will never let go of them for as long as I live.”


My eyes were steadied on him as I gingerly smiled at him. I am indeed lucky to have Lewis in my life. He may have done things that stained our relationship previously, but he redeemed himself and proved his worth. I wasn't aware of what he and my father had talked about, but I am certain that dad’s trust in him was beyond gravity itself. He knew Lewis wasn’t merely a boyfriend material, but more of it, for him to entrust me and Michelle.


“Still, I want to thank you.”


He slowly leaned forward and granted my lips a short yet lingering kiss, which slightly soothe and pacified the heaviness I was feeling. He lovingly smiled back at me before speaking, “Rest, Baby. You needed to rest.”


“How about you? Wouldn’t you rest as well?” I didn’t wait for him to answer, my body swiftly moved sideways and gave him ample space to lie down. Seeing what I did, his smile widened before gently laying beside me and let my head rest on his chest. “I love you, Lewis. Promise you won’t leave me and Michelle.”


“I promise, Baby, I love you so much for me to do that. I will marry you soon, Penelope Hunt.”


His last words curved my lips and made my heart temporarily at peace as sleep gradually took over my consciousness.