Chapter 15: TORTURED PAST

As we headed back to the funeral home, my mind was deeply occupied with thoughts of my yesteryears. I was brought back to the day where all my pains and sufferings, all my grieving and mourning for my lost love, and where all the shits happened. I no longer wished to dwell in the past, because I can never rearrange and reconstruct what happened, but it was inevitable not to be back on that fateful day when a nuclear bomb exploded right before my very eyes. I couldn’t force my mind not to relive that tortured past that tries to resurface now inside my head.


*Flashback*


I woke up feeling restless with an unsteady breathing, because of a terrible nightmare. Inside my nightmare, I saw my youngest sister and my fiance kissing passionately in a secluded place. They were indulging in a very euphoric and lustful state, lips intertwined and hands busily at work touching one another, just like what madly in love couple’s do during their private times together. Everything seemed to be real as if it really happened in reality. Good thing I got to wake up even before witnessing what will happen next to them. I was relieved upon waking up that everything was just a sick nightmare and none of it was real.


My head was still a bit spinning due to excess alcohol intake that I drank the night before on Penelope’s eighteenth birthday. I got wasted badly because I wasn’t aware of my surroundings last night. I wasn’t even certain if Michael went home or slept in Peter's room like he occasionally does every time he stayed late with me.


I headed outside to freshen up. The entire household was still silent and I only saw father at the dining table having his morning coffee. He greeted me and asked about the time our drinking session ended last night. I answered him truthfully and with all honesty. I was about to head towards the bathroom, which was just beside Penelope’s room, when my eyes caught sight of Michael's personal belongings sitting securely at the center table of our living room. I couldn’t help but smile knowing that he didn’t leave the night before due to drunkenness and most probably was inside Peter’s room and still in deep slumber.


I went on with what I had in mind and took a leisure bath to clear off the aftermath inside my head. Minutes after, I went out and was about to go to my room when I had a glimpse of Peter sitting next to my father and having his own morning coffee.


“Michael’s still sleeping, Peter?” I asked nonchalantly, which made him look at me with confusion and bewilderment. His reaction made me halt a step and stared at him with the same confusion written all over his face. “He slept in your room last night, right? His belongings are still here at home, so he mustn’t have left.”


“Huh? But I was all alone the whole evening and I didn’t see a shadow of him inside my room this morning when I woke up” His response immediately caused my forehead to crease.


Michael wasn’t the type of a person who would leave his personal belongings behind. He always brings with him his stuff and never leaves without them even in his drunken state.


“Are you sure, Peter? Because he wasn’t in my room either, so I thought he slept with you.”


Fear was slowly creeping inside of me. My nightmare suddenly came crashing inside my head and I could feel my body tensing and chilling bit by bit. This household only has four rooms. My parents shared a room, then the rest were allocated for my siblings and I. It’s impossible for Michael to have slept in my parents’ room, because it wasn’t spacious enough to accommodate three people.


I swallowed hard at what my mind was now thinking as I gazed at both my father and Peter, who looked at me puzzledly. My fear came to life and I was submerged in deep and extreme coldness when realization struck me. It hit me with solidity that I swiftly headed towards Penelope’s room. My hand immediately tried to open the door, but it was locked. I knocked consecutively, calling my sister’s name with such loudness that echoed in our entire household.


I keenly listened to what noise I could hear inside Penelope’s room as my heart drummed rapidly and loudly. My fear intensified when I heard Michael’s voice inside. All the details of my nightmare came flashing back at me. Everything I witnessed there came crashing in my head that unconsciously made my eyes glistened with painful tears as my heart tightened as if an invisible hand was gripping it massively. The pain was severe enough that it replaced my fear with anger and hate towards the two individuals behind the closed door.


Once the door was opened, my eyes immediately landed on Michael, who was half naked and was only in his pants. His hair was ruffled and there was bewilderment and confusion as well written in his eyes. Penelope, on the other hand, was standing still on her ground with head hanging low and obviously in a frightful and guilty stance. Because the said room wasn’t spacious enough, I caught a glimpse of her bed where a spot of crimson stain lay steadily on the white sheet, which made me curse inside my head.


I didn’t need anyone to tell me what happened here. Everything was laid in front of me and no explanations were needed for me to conclude what had happened the night before. I felt utmost disgust and betrayal, not just to the person I called my family, but to the man I trusted my whole life and self with.


Michael was talking to me, explaining himself and begging me for forgiveness, but I was numb all over me for his pleas and cries that all that I ever felt as of the moment was hatred towards them and repugnance. After saying my heartfelt thoughts towards him, I swiftly ran outside as fast as I could, wanting to escape the agony and anguish this morning had brought upon me.


I desired to be away from him as much as I could, but he caught me before I could even get away further. He tried to woo me back, begged me to reconsider my decision of not wanting to marry him anymore and said everything that would make me forgive him, but I can’t seem to willed myself of giving him that satisfaction.


“From this day onwards, I never want to see your face ever again, Michael. You and that bitch of a sister I had no longer exist to me. I want you out of my sight and never to bother me ever again! Stop pestering me, because nothing you will say would ever change my decision! I despised you, Michael! I regretted that day I fell in love with you and gave myself to you! You trashed every dream we built together, every hope of a bright future together and our ten years of love and relationship. I hope you are happy with what you did, Michael, I hope your conscience will let you sleep. Goodbye, Michael, it was nice knowing you.”


*Flashback Concluded*


After that gruesome day, I never looked back at Penelope with the same look I had to her prior to their treachery to me. I had wiped her out of my life and no longer considered her as part of the family. Until this point, I am still madly in rage with her. She was the root cause of all my misery and all my sleepless nights where I cried myself in utmost grief and despair.


Although I had forgiven Michael and welcomed him back to my life after I realized that he was also a victim just like I was, I would never forgive Penelope. There will never be a time where I will condone her, nor forget what she did to me in the past, that ruined six years of my life that she intentionally snatched away from me.