CHAPTER 132: SILENT ANGUISH

The minute I heard what came out from Pamela’s mouth, my heart swiftly retaliated at the thought. I could feel it extremely disagreeing and completely neglecting every word she said. 

Aside from Pamela, my heart always beats for Michelle. She is my everything, my very all and the reason for my existence. Since the day she came into my life, I treasured her with all of my life. So there’s no fucking way that I will be agreeing with what she says, nor what will anyone dictate me of doing, even if she drives me to do so. 

Regardless if she made me choose over her or Michelle, sadly, but I would always choose my daughter above anyone else in this world. If that time comes, I would definitely be devastated, but I’d rather be devastated over a broken relationship than to be devastated of losing Michelle, who is and will always be the most important person in my life. 

“You knew so well that I will never comply with that, Pamela. Fuck I won’t! Michelle is my world and I will never ever give her back to Penelope. They will have to kill me first for them to take away my baby from me again! I will never hand Michelle to them! Come hell or high waters, there’s no fucking way, Pamela! No fucking way I tell you!” My feet hastily marched away from her and drastically out of the room. I could feel my heart palpitating and my blood surging up as I headed to where Michelle was staying.  

I don’t know why Penelope changed her mind and decided not to proceed with what Ivar demanded her to do, but one thing is for sure, my mind is starting to freak out. I begin to apprehend about what the outcome would be. Regret is slowly creeping within me on why I ever pushed through and agreed with Pamela’s plan of abducting Michelle. Now that the situation is getting out of our control and could possibly get worse, my head is spinning with anxiousness for what's about to come. 

If things get rough and dirty, which most probably would be, yet I hope it won’t, my ultimate dream of being with my precious daughter will meet its end. God forbid, but I could vividly foresee what my future will become once Pamela and I couldn’t make this one through. Michelle will be gone and I will no longer be able to hold her in my arms ever again. She will be with her mother for the rest of her life, which I ached to be me instead, and I will be alone until the day I die. 

As much as I wanted to neglect these possibilities, the ratio of getting caught versus being free was outrageously higher. I don’t want to dwell with these possibilities, but it's hard not to, especially what’s occurring was almost near to it.

“Daddy!” Michelle swiftly ran towards me and gave me a bear hug the minute I entered her room. My arm automatically wraps around her tiny body as my heart flourishes in her presence. 

This is one of the things that I would be missing if ever worse comes to worst. The warmth of her embrace, her perky voice and her picturesque smile. These simple gestures were priceless that no money could buy. 

“Hi princess! Are you hungry? Do you want to eat anything?” 

“No Daddy, I am still full.” She answered energetically as I lifted her up and her arms anchored around my neck. “Daddy?”

“Yes, Princess.” 

“Have you cried? Your eyes were a bit reddish. Did you and Aunt Pamela have a fight?” Her voice was filled with deep concern that extremely touched my heart. 

“No, Princess. I just rubbed them earlier.” 

“Okay. I thought you and Aunt Pamela had a fight again. I don’t like seeing you two fight, especially when she shouts at you. Mommy always says that fighting isn’t good, that one must stop themselves from showing anger to others.”

“Don’t worry, Princess, your Aunt Pamela and I are trying our best not to let petty issues end up into something unnecessary.” I place her down on the cushion before sitting right next to her. Her tiny head swiftly laid on my lap as she slowly played with my hand. My free hand starts to gently stroke her delicate hair. 

“Daddy? Can I ask you something?” 

“Of course you can, Princess, what is it?” I heard her deeply inhaling first before proceeding. 

“Did mommy already know where I am? Did the kidnapper advise her that we were taken, together with Aunt Pamela?” 

“Perhaps she already has the knowledge of it, Princess.”

She exhaled deeply. I saw how her forehead creased before continuing. “After all of these, Daddy, after we have been rescued, would you return me to mommy?” 

The light mood I felt suddenly disappeared and was replaced with sourness, but I tried to answer her query in a normal tone. “Why do you ask, Michelle?” 

“I asked because I have a huge feeling that you wouldn’t, Dad. Am I right?” 

Her simple statement made me utterly speechless. I don’t know how to answer her without hurting her feelings. I can’t just simply tell her that she wouldn’t be seeing her mother ever again. I can’t just voice out that I will never return her to her mother and that she will permanently stay with me after all of these. As much as I want to be completely honest with her, I suppressed myself from doing so and carefully thought of the right words to say.

“Well…” 

“Do you plan on keeping me instead, Daddy, without mom’s consent? You knew that she would get even angrier with you, Dad, if that’s what you are planning to do. I don’t wish to see you appearing in court again, just like what happened before in Virginia.”

I wasn’t surprised by what she said, even by how broad she thinks. Michelle is way more mature than her age appears. Hearing these insights from her was expected, especially knowing how keen she was. 

“Michelle, listen to me. There are things in life that we have to drastically do in order to have what matters most to us.”

“Why can’t you just have a heart to heart talk with mommy? I’m sure there’s nothing that a proper and peaceful conversation couldn’t solve. Maybe it’s time for the both of you to forgive one another and simply settle our family matters privately, without involving the law. Maybe this time she would be willing to compromise, especially if I will interfere and urge her to reconsider her decision of solely parenting me.” 

“I don’t know, Michelle. Things between your mother and I are way too complicated. I don’t think any conversation will resolve our indifferences. Don’t you rather like to stay with me, Princess. Although I am not as rich as your mom, I promise to work hard to meet your every need.”

“I miss mommy, Daddy. I missed her so very much. I wish to be with her soon.” Her sad tone crushed my bleeding heart, which caused me in silent anguish.