CHAPTER 72: SUSPICION

My heart was drumming inside its ribcage with a radical and intense rhythm. I could feel my entire body burning with wrath towards him and the woman he mentioned minutes ago. There was this unfathomable adverse emotion deep down inside of me where I crave to hurt Penelope with such savagery and barbarism in any way possible.


She was the culprit, the one to be blamed on why I can’t win Lewis’ heart and attention. She was the tea leaf, who had intentionally stolen the love of my life away from me. It was her who brought this mischief and suffering to me. She wanted him all by herself and didn’t even care for what I would feel in return. If it wasn’t for her, I could have had Lewis in my life and I didn’t have to belittle myself like this. Penelope was the black hat, who was extremely making my life difficult for me to achieve happiness and the feeling of being loved.


I hate her to the bones. No words could ever describe how much I despise her, nor can ever be compared to the extent of loathe that I felt for her. If there was such a word that was far worse than abhor, then that’s what I am feeling for her right this very moment.


Because of her, I am in a world full of savage misery and pain. Because of her, I acted like a low-life, cheap piece of whore, who was doing everything just to have the man I desired to be with all my life. It was all because of Penelope that I had to stain my hands and wickedly perform every necessary evilness just to win Lewis’ affection.


Extreme pain and massive hatred could be visibly seen in my eyes right now. Pain for what Lewis’ intentionally uttered minutes ago, and hatred for the woman he was fantasizing at while I was administering to his needs. No amount of consolation could suffice and soothe away the grieving of my heart. Lewis’ words kept on repeating inside my head like a broken record, playing continuously inside my brain and ultimately destroying every piece of me.


‘You were the reason why I am deeply suffering now, Penelope. You are the root cause, the enormous stumbling block, why Lewis made me invisible in his eyes. You are such a pain in my ass that I dearly wished to just evaporate and return to that shitty place you had been at. If not for you, if you didn’t even come into our lives, none of these could have happened to me. I didn’t have to bear with this atrociousness if it weren’t for your presence appearing here out of the blue. I wish you dead, Penelope Hunt. I dearly prayed that you die, so you wouldn’t interfere in our lives and I could have Lewis all to myself.’


I tried strugglingly to compose myself as I stood silently outside Lewis’ room. What he said, all his mockeries and insults, were like sharp daggers ripping my very soul into shard pieces. I could feel my heart bleeding excessively and crying for aid to be rescued. Lewis’ spoken words and the truthfulness of them that I beheld in his eyes were enough to drag me to hell and punish my heart severely.


I must admit that those last lines he conveyed shook me with grave worry and anxiety. It was as if he was telling me that he would choose to be in the darkest part of hell, to be miserable all his life, and would confess to Penelope soon enough. That he would rather lose her and everything that they have than to adhere to me and bear with me secretively.


These thoughts literally wavered my confidence with the control I now have in him. Once he revealed everything to Penelope, he was definitely right that my merry days will be over, because I could no longer blackmail him and force him to do what I wish on him and his body. Once he admitted to Penelope what happened to us the previous night, then there’s no reason for him to hold back anything anymore as he had nothing to lose anyway. And that’s why I am terribly frightened right now.


I didn’t desire any of these to end. I didn’t wish to conclude what I had been experiencing now with Lewis. My mind, especially my body, retaliates at the thought. I wish to prolong my control and manipulation on him for as long as I could, until such time that he would learn to love me back and choose me instead.


I sincerely hope that he wouldn’t have the guts nor the balls to execute what he told me about. I dearly prayed that he would have cold feet and wouldn’t dare to confess to Penelope, so I can continue what I began with him for as long as it takes.



***


The moment I set foot at home, my feet immediately headed to the third floor where Lewis’ room was situated. I wished to tell him that I would see him off to the airport for his flight. A week isn’t a long time for normal people, since time flies fast, but for someone who was deeply in love, a week of waiting for her lover to return home was quite unbearable to put up with. So I really intended to be with him at the airport before he departed.


I just reached the top stairs when my eyes swiftly saw Nicole coming out from his room. This literally startled me as I seized her intently from where I was rooted at. From the looks of her now, the way her clothes were slightly disarranged and her hair was somewhat unkempt and tousled, my mind instantly got alarmed. Several scenarios swiftly filled my head, thinking of what might have happened inside Lewis' room to make Nicole appear to be unpleasantly out of her normal self.


Did they have a physical brawl inside or something? Because judging solely on Nicole’s body expression and physical appearance, I could certainly conclude that something out of the ordinary occurred inside my boyfriend’s room.


I couldn’t name the fright I was suddenly feeling inside my heart. A part inside my head returned back in time, during my eighteenth birthday, when I wickedly plotted and executed my plans of gaining Michael and winning him over Pamela.


My feet were itching to proceed and head towards Nicole to confront her, to ask what she did inside Lewis’ room, but I can’t seem to move a step as extensive fear and building vexation started to crawl in me and my entire system. The scenes of what I had intentionally administered to Michael’s drunken state six years ago came rushing in me like I was literally brought back to that night, which made my body frozen and I couldn’t barely move as my eyes stared at Nicole from a distance.


No! What I was thinking couldn’t be real enough. Lewis wouldn’t commit to such a sinful thing, in which he knew would extremely hurt me. This isn’t who he was as a person. He is a dignified and well-educated man, for Christ’s sake! He wouldn’t go to the extent of ruining our relationship and break my trust in him, simply because I felt how much he loved me. He wouldn’t exchange what we have for a time of pleasure and sex with another woman. He wouldn’t do that to me.


‘But what if he did? What if he does? What if they just did it behind your back, just like what you did six years ago behind Pamela’s back? Look at Nicole now. Doesn’t her clothes seem to be worn back in a way with urgency? And her hair, she was always meticulous with the way her hair looks, right? But why is it that her hair was disheveled now like she has just made love with someone?’ My inner self suspiciously uttered that literally made my teeth grind together with anger and suspicion.


I couldn't think normally as my mind was clogged with those malicious thoughts. I couldn’t help but think of karma. Was I being clawed with karma right now? Was it my turn to be fooled and secretly played with as karma strike back at me for what I did a few years ago? My eyes were starting to moist as unwanted beads were all hanging on at bay with my suspicion.


Minutes later, Nicole’s head moved up and her eyes met mine. Even from a distance, I could vividly see intense rage and viciousness in them. They were scorching with indescribable fury and something else I couldn’t name, which were intentionally designated for me. She smiled wickedly as she slowly and gradually marched towards me. I was literally searching for the right words to address her as I strive hard to recompose myself from the backlogs of my yesteryears.


“Miss Hunt, what brought you here on the third floor? Did you come to visit Lewis?” She asked with less sincerity and obviously with a tinge of sarcasm.


“Yes. And you? What are you doing precisely at his doorstep?” I uttered with displeasure, emphasizing each word with stance and conviction.



“Nothing that concerns you, Miss Hunt. We just… Talk, yes! Lewis and I talked about something” She deliberately exclaimed, which was evidently a fucked up lie. I could tell that she was lying. It emanated from her like she was a hustler of her craftiness and deceits, which immensely sickened me and even heightened the fury I was feeling with my earlier thoughts of them.


“Talk? Oh come on, Nicole. I wasn’t born yesterday to simply accept that ridiculous excuse of yours. You claimed you conversed with my boyfriend, yet with the looks of you, you look like as if you have just been fucked countless times.”


“That’s such a malicious accusation, Miss Hunt. I didn’t expect it to come from someone like you.”


My patience was wearing thin on her as I could almost feel my muscles flexing together inside my body. She was staring back at me as if she was urging me to have a catfight with her. The words automatically come right out of my lips even before I could strain them.


“Have you fuck my boyfriend?” She was slightly taken aback with the audacity of my query. “Because judging solely with the way you appear now, it seems to be that something happened inside his room rather than merely talking.”


“You think too much, Miss Hunt, that’s harmful for your mental health” She answered nonchalantly before chuckling sarcastically.


“Just answer my fucking question, Nicole. Did you just fuck my boyfriend?”


She eyed me with a certain kind of stare that I never thought she would have the guts to do to me. “Go ask him yourself, Miss Hunt. I am in no liberty to disclose anything without Lewis’ consent” With that, she immediately walked past me and left me furiously trembling. But after several steps, she said something that completely surged up my blood to its highest level. “Oh and by the way, Miss Hunt, you will have to wait for him. He is currently in the bathroom now, washing himself clean.”