My Life Before

**Selene's POV**

I'm waiting in my room for Calder to come and get me so we can leave honestly going anywhere with him is the last thing I want to do but also I very much want to go back to my parents’ house so here I am waiting for the thorn in my side .

I'm still a little shocked at what I saw earlier he pushed her off and swore at her but I watched them in the moments before and he seemed to be enjoying himself even the little moan I heard from outside the door couldn't convince me. He chased me down the corridor but I made it to my room and locked the door he waited outside for a full half an hour trying to get me to talk to him but I stayed silent , I mean what the hell would we even say to him .

I grab the book off the bed and throw myself onto my beanbag I really hope I find the other half of this or something to help me read it or make any sense of it. I wanted so desperately to tell Arti and Cynth earlier, but they couldn't they kept talking about when it all ends and what they hope for Ryan and Sigi after they've gone it’s like they are on a complete other planet to me.

I wanted to shake them and tell them how ridiculous they sound just accepting that this was their destiny not even trying to fight for it but to them in their minds this is them fighting for survival just not their own. To me their selflessness is selfish how could they be so willing to leave those they love and to expect me to do the same.

I feel my eye lids get heavy as I lay still thousands of thoughts rushing through my head when my door knocks.

"*Selene* "

I head to the door to let Calder in he has his hands in his pockets and a weird expression on his face.
"Come in , I’m not quite ready I need to just out this in my bad " I don’t let him answer me I leave the door open and walk to the bed where my bag is shoving the book inside and pulling a hoodie from the closet to put on .I hear him shut the door behind him but he doesn't venture into the room I ignore him and tie my hair up into a bun feeling his eyes on me making me feel weak at the knees.

"*Selene, we need to go through a few things about tonight* "

I turn to face him and find he’s moved closer to me and we are no inches apart god I want him he’s intoxicating his scent his eyes but I can’t I’m still so mad at him he was with someone else the day we officially mated I cannot mean as much to him as I thought I’m just a token Luna so I take a step back.
He lets out a low growl as the distance between us increases.

"*We leave in 10 minutes, we won’t change to wolves unless we have to as out scents won’t be as strong then, at the smallest sign of movement that's not our own we leave. The scouts Fin has had watching the area have reported that they haven’t seen anyone but that doesn’t seem right, so we have to be careful* "

He looks at me waiting for me to agree.

"Agreed, and I can help with the scent thing I’ve learned to hide not only my scent but others too "

He nods and I walk towards the door bag in my hand I don’t wait for him to say anything else I know that the second he says something about earlier or apologies I’ll be like butter in his hand and I owe it to myself to let myself be more than this bond.

5 minutes later we are both stood at the edge of the forest Sigi and Calder speaking to one another in hushed voices and then we head out just the two of us in the dark forest.

My old house is about an hour’s walk away and the silence between us is driving me crazy but it’s only been 10 minutes usually I would love the sound of the leaves crunching beneath my feet wind in the air would keep me calm but it does not .

Deciding to bite the bullet and make small talk I ask Calder,
"So how was your afternoon?"

He turns towards me an eyebrow raised.
"*How was my day?* "

"yes, Calder how was your day "

"*This is what we are going to talk about, were going to make polite small talk?*" There I a harshness to his voice.

"Well what would you like to talk about" I reciprocate his harshness with my own bitter tone.

"*Maybe we should talk about what happened earlier?*" As he says this, he runs his hands through his hair and looks towards me.

"Calder, I’m not sure there anything left to say what I saw was pretty clear " I quicken my pace and move a few steps in front of him.

"*Selene, it wasn’t what it looks like I promise you* "

I don’t respond to him and he does not speak again for another 40 minutes by which point we are close to the borders of my old pack. He pulls me to one side my back up against a tree I go to speak but he places a finger over my lips and sniffs into the air.

I do the same as then I smell it a mixture of dirt and sweat. Rouges.

We wait like this hiding in the shadows, I’m focusing heavily on masking both of our scents after 20 more minutes the scent disperses and mixes with the smell of the forest.
We both look around making sure we cannot hear any other movements before Calder pulls away from me Seleste internally sighing at the loss of contact.

"*The scent has gone but we need to move in case they come back* "

I nod and head towards the end of the Village not far from my parents’ house. We avoid the main streets but my heart aches at the destruction around me. Most of the shop windows have been smashed the stores inside ruined my favourite tearoom reduced to a pile of rubble.

I feel so much sadness wash over me and out of instinct I reach for Calder's hand yearning for that warmth as a tear runs down my cheek.
He squeezes my hand "*Selene we will get them for what they have done*"

I wipe the tear from my face and head towards my old street not letting go of his hand until we are stood at the back entrance of the house.
I carefully push the gate open to see the garden, our furniture still covered like we had put it away for the summer the grass overgrown and wild but the flowers my mother planted year are still blooming just a little more wildly.

We get to the back porch and I’m about to push the door open when Calder stops me.

"*Are you sure you want to do this? do you know where were going to look first* "

"Honestly now I’m here I wish I never came seeing this breaks my heart it’s like seeing my life before, but I am here and I’m here for a reason so let’s go "
He nods and we head inside.

The house looks the same as when we left it to move into the pack house, we weren’t in a hurry to leave but we covered all the furniture in plastic in case we wanted to move back in. I run my fingers along the kitchen side all my childhood memories flooding back to me the birthdays the mother’s days the family dinners where we all cooked together.

"I think we should head upstairs to my parents’ room first "

We head up the stairs trying to be quiet as we go not using lights or torches, so we don’t draw any attention to ourselves. When we reach my parents door I panic at the thought of what’s behind I haven’t seen it since they day after they died I spend all day in there wrapped in their quilt taking in both their scents wishing that they weren't gone wishing they would walk into the room at any point and when they did not return I left, shut the door and did not go back into the room again .

Calder seems to sense my unease and steps in front of the door to open it and we both step inside softly closing the door behind us. I look around the room now covered in plastic and I feel overwhelmed with it all.

"*Selene, where should we look first *"

"Maybe in the bedside draws " I tilt my head ushering him towards my father’s side.
We both begin to look through them Calder not fazed my what he sees but I’m caught up in touching all of my mother’s things picking up her favourite gold watch that she wore every day until it stopped working she put it in her draw with the intention of fixing it but she never did .

After a while we searched the whole room and found nothing but a small picture of my mother as child that I stuff into my bag, a woman who I can only assume is my grandmother is the spitting image of Artemis its weird.

"We didn’t find anything in here Calder and I’m not sure where to look next "

"*Well was their anywhere your mother would go in the house to be alone or your father* "

I try to remember where they would sit when it was just the 2 of them when they needed some peace and quiet from all the noise, we would make running around after eating too much sugar or fighting with each other.

"We could check my father's study sometimes they would go in there to have mini date nights and watch movies but there isn’t much in there "

"*Lead the way Selene* "