Chapter 33: Lonely

-Rogan-

*Don’t count on it.*

What did that mean?

I walked a little behind Serena, who seemed to just walk without any idea of direction. I wasn’t sure what had gotten into her, but suddenly she had turned very quiet. Eventually, I couldn’t stand this silence anymore. It was for some reason worse than her attitude. I walked closer to her and grabbed her arm, turning her around.

“Enough,” I said.

“What?” she asked.

“What does that mean?” I asked.

“What?” she just asked again, looking at me confused.

“Don’t do that. You know what I am talking about.”

“Just let go,” she said and tried pulling her arm free.

I just pulled her closer, grabbing both her arms now, and so there was barely any space left between us.

“Now,” I ordered.

“What did you expect?” she asked.

“What?”

“Do you really think they will come to rescue me?”

I looked at her confused.

“You’re a hunter,” I said.

“I’m disposable, and you know this,” she said.

“But you’re not a simple recruit. I know this too,” I said.

She just shrugged and looked down.

“If a mission goes wrong or we are captured, we poison ourselves.”

I sighed, nodding, and slowly letting her go. I had pulled that pill out of her mouth before she got a chance to kill herself. I’m rather happy about that though because otherwise, I would have a dead mate.

“There is no reason to go search for me,” she said.

“They think you’re dead?”

“Even if they didn’t,” she said. “They wouldn’t waste their time and risk getting captured as well.”

I just shook my head and Serena crossed her arms.

“What?”

“That is fucking lonely,” I said.

“We’re soldiers, not a family,” she said.

“And you don’t see how wrong that is?” I asked.

“No.”

I continued to shake my head, and then I wasn’t sure what came over me. It was just the thought of Serena never knowing the love of a family. I understood the wolves had taken that from her, but I wished she had not come from a hunter’s family. I wished she had known what love was. Then perhaps I could reach her much easier. I placed my hands on her the sides of her neck, and she looked up at me shocked, not sure why I was doing this, but I couldn’t help myself. I realized I wanted to heal the broken parts in her.

“Do you even know what it means to care for someone?” I asked.

“What do you mean? I care about the humans.”

“I am not talking about your loyalty to the cause. A pointless cause I would like to add.”

“Let go,” she said and pulled back a little, but I didn’t let her go anywhere.

“I am talking about caring for someone. Like a family member or a friend or a mate,” I said.

“I don’t got a family and I don’t have time for friends.”

I could hear the coldness in her voice, and it hurt me. Serena should not be like this. She had a whole life in front of her that could be filled with love. She just had to let go of all this hunter shit.

“Do you not find that lonely?” I asked.

She shrugged a little.

“Should I?”

I nodded.

“I got other things to focus on,” she said.

“Like?”

She was quiet for a little while, and I understood why.

“Exactly. You aren’t with the hunters right now,” I said. “You don’t got a job to take care of. Right now, you can just exist and live the life you should have lived.”

“Should have lived?”

“Yes, a peaceful one. A fun one. One with love and people who will actually care if you are taken,” I told her.

“I’m sure my name will be written down somewhere,” she said, but I saw the interest in her eyes. I saw the curious side of her come out when I talked about a normal life.

“How special,” I just said sarcastically.

“What? I don’t need more.”

“That’s a lie.”

“Because you know me so well,” she said.

“I am starting to know you quite well, and I bet I know more than your hunter friends,” I said. “Oh, that’s right. You’re not friends.”

She narrowed her eyes, looking at me a bit annoyed, but she was the one who said she didn’t have any friends. It was not a lie.

“Stop trying to get to know me,” she said.

“Not possible. I want to know everything about my mate.”

She started to struggle against me again, but I still didn’t let go.

“Think about it, Serena. Think of the life you could have here.”

“I don’t want a life here!” she shouted. “I will never want to be with my family’s murderers!”

“Do you even know who did it?” I asked.

“What?”

“What wolves took your parents away?”

“You’re all the same!” she said.

“You know that is not true. You are already starting to doubt.”

“No, I am not!”

“Yes, you are,” I said. “And that is okay. You need to see the truth.”

“Shut up!”

She was starting to become desperate now, really wanting me to let go, but I could see the pain in her eyes. How badly she was clinging to this idea she had of the world because it was all she had. I shook my head a little and then leaned more forehead against hers.

“Calm down.”

“Let go!”

“No,” I said.

“Rogan!”

Goddess, I liked it a lot when she said my name. It had never sounded better on anyone else’s lips.

“Just think about it,” I said. “Think about the life you could have here.”

“I already told you I don’t want to.”

“Just calm down and think about it,” I said.

“Let go!”

“Never.”

I didn’t know what pushed me forward, but suddenly my lips were pressed against hers. I guessed I hoped it would calm her down, or maybe I simply couldn’t wait any longer. I needed another taste. A proper one. I needed to feel those soft pink lips against mine again. So sweet, and so perfect.