Chapter 34: Wanting Him

-Serena-

He was kissing me!

Ronan was the only one to ever kiss me, and he was a wolf! A killer. The one I had sworn to rid this earth of. It took me so much by surprise that I didn’t know what to do at first, but then I pulled myself together and sank my teeth into his bottom lip as hard as I could. He groaned in pain and finally moved back, letting me go, and I stumbled back a few steps, looking at him with so much anger, but my heart was pounding like crazy in my chest, and I felt strangely warm and … needy.

Rogan ran his tongue along his bleeding lip, and I had never been more hypnotized by such a simple movement. I wasn’t sure what it was. Maybe the way he was looking at me while doing it, but I felt hungry for more.

“She likes to bite,” he said in a dark tone full of lust.

“And kick too.”

He smiled.

“I will remember that,” he said, and then took a step closer.

I moved back, yet I didn’t run … I could run. I mean, I might not be able to outrun him, but I could run … so why didn’t I run? Rogan slowly advanced and I backed away, my heart pounding faster, and I felt both nervous and excited.

*Don’t do this!*

A voice in my head was screaming at me, and I wished I knew what had come over me, but I couldn’t explain it. I couldn’t explain this hypnotic state he held me in, and when he had me pressed up against a tree, he quickly advanced and pressed his warm lips against mine, moving them skillfully and making me moan a little, as I grabbed a handful of his shirt, squeezing it in my hand, while his hands landed on my hips.

I shouldn’t let this happen, I knew that, but my hunger for him only seemed to increase the longer he kissed me. Was this normal? Or was this the bond thing he was talking about? Oh God, I was losing my mind, and yet I didn’t want to stop.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, my hands running into his hair and pulling hard, which made him groan a little. That sound only made me feel warmer and I felt my panties get a little wet. Rogan suddenly picked me up, and I wrapped my legs around him for support, but he easily held me, while we devoured each other’s mouths.

*Wake up!*

I knew I had to stop this. I had to stop it now … but I wasn’t.

*You can’t keep doing this!*

My head was really trying to make me see reason, but Rogan was doing something strange to me. Making me feel more alive than I ever had. I never knew it could be like this. All warm and needy. It felt like the world didn’t exist around us, and that felt incredibly hot for some reason.

*Stop now!*

I finally pulled away for air and turned my head so he couldn’t kiss me senseless again, but that just gave him access to my neck, and he went to suck on it, making me whimper a little before he kissed and nibbled on the skin.

“Rogan … *stop*,” I breathed, but I didn’t sound very desperate for him to stop.

I sounded needy. Like I didn’t want him to stop. He just made a strange little rumbling sound as a response. I could only take it as a no, but maybe that was what I wanted because I was leaning my head back, making sure he had plenty of access to continue the sweet attack of his lips on my skin.

Rogan had me pressed hard against the tree, and I wasn’t sure what was happening to me, but I was rocking my hips slightly back and forth, needing friction, and I could feel how hard he had become.

“It needs to stop … *now*!” I said.

Rogan didn’t listen, and I could understand why. I sounded breathless, and so I grabbed harder onto his hair and pulled him off me, so we could look at each other again. His eyes were shining a deep yellow though, and I was surprised to see the color. I had read that their eyes could change, but I wasn’t exactly sure why.

“Stop!”

He shook his head once and then twice, and then his eyes seemed to slowly change back to their deep green ones. He lowered me to the ground again and seemed almost as surprised as me.

“That … eh …”

“Will never repeat itself! It’s just this … mate bond thing … right?” I asked.

Rogan smiled a little and then nodded.

“Sure.”

“You don’t sound sure,” I said angrily.

“What do you want me to say?”

“That something is making us do this!”

Rogan just smiled.

“Sure, Serena, something is making us do this.”

“There you go again!” I said. “You’re doing that on purpose just to mess with my head!”

He chuckled a little and shook his head.

“What?!” I yelled.

“I don’t need to mess with your head.”

“No? And why is that?” I asked.

“Because you already know the truth.”

“The truth?”

He nodded and then started to walk away. I looked at his back confused before I decided to follow him.

“What is this truth?” I asked.

“You know nothing forced you to kiss me back,” he said.

“Just you,” I said.

Rogan sighed and stopped, before turning to me.

“You kissed me *back*,” he said.

“I lost my mind. I was not myself, which is why something forced me to do it!”

He shook his head.

“Nothing forced you.”

“Yes, this mate bond.”

“That’s not really how it works,” he said.

“No?”

“It doesn’t take our free will away from us,” he said.

“Really? You want me dead but can’t kill me. How is that not taking your free will away from you?” I asked.

“Because I don’t really want to kill you. I don’t want to kill anyone.”

“What?” I asked.

“That is what I am trying to say, Serena. We are not killers. We aren’t thirsty for blood. We just want to live our lives in peace. We only kill when necessary, and hadn’t you been my mate, then yes, it would probably have been necessary to kill you, because trying to change you is … it’s time-consuming and I don’t really have that time,” he explained.

“Then why spend time on it?” I asked.

“Because I don’t want you dead. I want you alive, and to have you all to myself, and that can only happen if you change,” he said.

“You want me all to yourself?”

“We might be enemies, but you’re still my mate,” he said.

“And that is not taking your free will away either? You don’t like me!” I said.

“Actually, despite your awful attitude and being a constant pain in my ass, I am starting to see something good about you too,” he said.

“Like?”

“You are stubborn but smart. You’re strong and brave. You might be misguided, but you’re not an idiot. You’re a fighter, just fighting for the wrong cause,” he said.

I stood there looking at him for a long time, not sure what to say. My heart was beating a strange rhythm, and I felt strangely nervous when he was looking at me like that, almost with … kindness, or was it something else?

“Come, we still got more to go through,” he said and started to walk away again.

It took me a few seconds until I could get my body moving, but I stayed quiet for the rest of the trip around the place.