Chapter 9: Confused

-Rogan-

There was something strangely … unsatisfying hearing the little hunter asking me to reject her. It actually made me want to do it even less, and the fact she sounded so desperate for me to do it made me angry … I shouldn’t be angry. *I should just do it*, I told myself.

*Don’t …*

I blocked my wolf out of my head the best I could, as I focused on the hunter in front of me. Her blue eyes looked at me with desperation, and it annoyed me so much. She wanted me gone … Goddess, it made me want to punch something, but wasn’t it also exactly how I wanted it? Why was I suddenly so angry about it? I couldn’t allow myself to feel like this. I just had to get on with it. *Say the damn words,* I thought, but for some reason … I didn’t.

“What?” she asked me, sounding rather annoyed now. “Is it happening?”

I almost wanted to laugh, because her question amused me, but of course, I had to remember she didn’t know how it worked. How the rejection would happen. It made me realize something …

“Yes,” I said.

The hunter looked calmed by this, and just nodded in an accepting way. I hated how relieved she looked. It made me fucking mad. Why had I said yes? Why had I not just rejected her? I needed more time … Yes, I needed more time to get myself and my feelings under control, because it was clear they were ruling me right now.

*Or maybe you just can’t do it. Why else would you have lied to her? You hate seeing her wanting you to reject her, so now you don’t want to.*

I didn’t like how right my wolf was. I didn’t like that he was pointing this out to me …

“So, what happens now?” she asked.

“Now we’re free.”

We weren’t free at all. Why did I continue this stupid show? I should just get on with it, but just as I opened my mouth to say the words … I couldn’t. I wanted to say them, but no sound came out. The little hunter tilted her head confused to the side, probably waiting for me to speak, because she could see I wasn’t done, but nothing came out.

“What? Is there more?” she asked.

Say the words!

“No.”

What the hell?! But instead of analyzing this whole fucked up situation I found myself in, I just left the room, leaning up against the wall beside the door, as I came outside. What the fuck had I just done?

*She deserves a chance.*

“No, she really doesn’t,” I whispered. “You have just fucked with my head.

My wolf was offended by me and moved further into my mind, leaving me to my own chaotic thoughts and feelings. This simply couldn’t go on. I had a meeting with Eric tomorrow. I was supposed to end this and get mated to his daughter. Instead, I had lied and told the hunter she was free of me, but really, our connection would only grow if I continued to let our bond be. Of course, after the interrogation, people would expect me to kill her …

The thought of her dead …

“Fuck!” I snarled, as my heart felt overwhelmed by a pain I couldn’t explain.

I had lost my whole family to an attack from the hunters, but the thought of this little hunter, whose name I didn’t even know. I just knew she was called 110. The thought of her just dying, it … it felt as painful as when I lost my family. So, what if she actually died? What would I feel then? It was said losing a mate would destroy you, and I had witnessed a few losing theirs. I had never seen them be the happy people they were again. Some even disappeared. I wasn’t sure what happened to them. Maybe they took their own lives, but I wasn’t sure. There was a reason why we should always try to keep our mates safe, because without them, we would lose our minds.

“Alpha!”

Sam and Keith appeared, and I turned my head to them. They were both in the beginning of their twenties, but already very skilled fighters.

“Rhys and Marcus sent us. Said you had some problems with the hunter,” Keith said.

I nodded.

“I need you two to watch her,” I said.

“We will stay in her room—”

“No!” I interrupted, and both of them glanced confused at each other.

The thing was, I didn’t want any other male in that room, unless it was a doctor that needed to check her wounds. That was the only thing I would allow. I was already getting territorial over her … *this wasn’t happening,* I thought, and shook my head a little.

“Why not?” Sam asked.

“Just … stay outside the door.”

“Rhys told us she escaped through the window. Wouldn’t it be wiser—”

“Just do as I say!” I snapped.

The two of them only looked more confused, and I wished I could explain this to them, but I simply couldn’t. I needed some time alone. So, I left the two of them there, and returned to the house. We had quite a big area where we had our own private hospital built and a house for the pack members to stay in, but not a lot did. It belonged to the older days, where we all lived together on the same territory, but now things had changed and a lot more forest was gone. Now people could live wherever they wanted and still belong to a pack.

When I came back to the big three-story house, I stormed to the first room, which also had a bar and poured myself a drink, and then another … and another, downing them all very fast, before I finally drank the fourth one slower. I sat by the bar, rubbing my eyes tiredly, because I didn’t know what to think or do anymore. I was so confused by what I had found out and what I couldn’t do. I knew I needed to end it with her, but it wasn’t so simple … Nothing could ever just be simple in this world, could it?

“Hey.”

I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked behind me to see Melanie, another pack member, and a good friend of mine. Over the years, we had become a little more than friends, but we had never demanded more from each other, such as binding ourselves to each other. We didn’t want that. We just enjoyed our time together once in a while.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

I nodded, but as her hand went lower, down my arm, I gently took it, removing it, and she looked rather confused. I had never before rejected her advances. Why would I? But now things were different. Just her touch already felt different. It didn’t feel as good, and I knew the bond was slowly starting to change me. Soon, the only one I would crave would be the little hunter. I would only ever get hard for her.

“Yes,” I lied.

“You don’t look okay,” she said and sat down beside me.

We were close, and often discussed a lot of things with each other, but I didn’t want to discuss this with her. I couldn’t talk to anyone right now.

“Just … stressed.”

“The ceremony?” she asked.

I nodded, lying again, and I felt bad about it, because I really could use some advice, but I knew what people would tell me to do, and I had already tried rejecting the little hunter. I just … I needed some time to gather some strength for it. Maybe when we got to the interrogation, I would have cleared my head.

*Right!*

My wolf just laughed inside of my head, and I wanted to tell him to shut up, but I knew Melanie would notice something was very wrong with me if I started yelling *shut up* into the air.

“It’s a lot.”

“You don’t have to do it,” she said.

“We talked about this, Mel. I do,” I said.

“There are other ways to make alliances. Why are you so determined to do it this way?” she asked.

“It’s the best way to make sure the alliances hold.”

“But we all want the same thing!” she said.

“Maybe it is just my time to settle down. You know everyone expects children from me at some point. The next alpha of alphas …”

I thought it was a bit ridiculous, but it was the way our traditions were. The son I had would be the next alpha, and he would have a lot of people to lead. I slowly sipped my drink though, hating the weight that would be put on his shoulders.

“But why her?” she asked.

“Mel …” I sighed and turned to her.

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