Chapter 106
**Megan**
Once he’s done with his piece of cake he moves his arm around my shoulders and pulls me close to him as I place a small piece of cheesecake into my mouth. I place the fork on the plate and then place the plate down on the small glass table in front of us.
“Do you think I’ll ever be right?” I ask quietly. He’s silent for a moment. I look at him to see him looking at the ceiling in thought.
“What’s right?” he asks. “I know I’m not ‘right’ and I don’t think I want to be,”
“I mean normal,” I say and he looks at me.
“Normal is overrated,” he says and I sigh and look away from him.
“I just feel I’ll never be over anything,” I say.
“Megan, two months ago you wouldn’t allow me to touch you, and you were breaking down nearly every day,” he says looking at me.
“I know but I just want to rid myself of it all,” I say and he moves his hands onto my legs and swings me around so my legs are over his making my body turn to him.
“None of it will happen overnight, it takes time, and you just have to be patient. Ok?” he explains. I nod and move onto his lap and snuggle into his neck.
“Thank you,” I say while wrapping my arms around his neck. I feel his hand move down my back and rest on the lower part of my back. I look at him to see him looking towards the TV. I move forwards and press my lips to his. His hand moves around my neck and slowly up to my jaw. He pulls back and looks at me.
“You should get some sleep,” he says and I smile a little.
“I don’t think I want to sleep,” I say shyly and look down at my lap. He lifts my head by my chin and looks at me.
“Megan, I don’t intend to go back to England with two black eyes,” he says and I smile and move off him and stand up. I reach for the zip at my back and pull on it, moving it down a little. “Megan,” he says tilting his head back and looking at me.
“What? Yes it was only about an hour ago that I attacked you,” he cuts in.
“You didn’t attack me,” he says with a roll of his eyes. I just sigh.
“Well whatever but I want to be more daring, I have to be, I have to get out of my comfort zone,” I say and turn my back to him. He sighs and I feel him pull on the zip and he slowly unzips my dress. “And I’m only taking my dress off, whatever happens after that is not my fault,” I say and he laughs and I move back onto the couch. He moves his leg up so I’m laid between his legs. His arms wrap tightly around me and snuggles me close to him. “You’re lovely and warm,” I say and look towards the TV.
“Are you content now?” he asks and I look at him.
“Wonderfully content,” I say with a big grin. He shakes his head and presses his lips to mine.
“Good,” he says and wraps his arms around my body.
\---
I move up off Logan to see him asleep. I lean over him and kiss his neck and relax back onto his body as I slowly unbutton his shirt. I then feel his hands move back around me and he flips us over so that he’s now on top. He pulls back and moves my leg from the side of him, under his body to the side of him. So he’s now at the side of me. He looks down at me and I smile up at him.
“Seen as you won’t allow a man to sleep,” he says and I feel his hand move up my bare leg. I move my arms around his neck as he leans in and kisses me on my lips. He then pulls back “I feel overdressed,” he says and pulls his shirt over his head. I smile as he leans in and kisses me again. His hand moves up my leg and over my stomach. His other hand moves into my hand, his fingers lace with mine. He pulls away and then kisses me again. I move my free hand and move it around his neck and pull him closer to me.
I wonder if this is ok. If this would be classed as moving too fast, or indeed too slow, my psychologist has told me nothing. All she does is ask me how I’m feeling; I want to know how I should be feeling to know if I’m going down the right path. I wonder if there is a right path to go. Maybe I’m going completely wrong and I shouldn’t be doing this.
He pulls back and looks down at me. I hadn’t realised but I had moved my hand down his torso and pushed him back a little.
“Do you want to stop?” he asks. I look at my hand then at him.
“No I’m just nervous,” I say. He moves back and sits away from me. I slowly sit up and move my hand onto his. “What’s wrong?”I ask.
“Nothing,” he says and pulls me by my hands to him. I kneel up and he wraps his arms around my waist. I kiss him on the lips and then look at him while wrapping my arms around his neck.
“There is,” I say and he smiles a little.
“I just don’t want you to be nervous with me,” he says.
“I’m going to be nervous regardless,” I say and he looks at me. “Think about it,” I say and he frowns and then looks down at me.
“Ok,” he says, “I just want to have control with what I’m doing with you and want you to feel comfortable when I touch you,” he says and I smile.
“Ok,” I say and lean in and kiss him. His hands move up my back and I feel him unhook my bra. I pull back a little mostly because I wasn’t expecting that and just as he’s about to say something I kiss him again. He pulls away and moves off the couch taking my hand in his he pulls me up and into his arms, lifting me off my feet. I wrap my legs around his waist as he starts to carry me away from the couch. I move my arms around his neck and look at him and then smile a little.
“What?” he asks.
“Nothing,” I say and kiss his cheek and then his nose.
“Take this off,” he says moving one of his hands from under my bum to the strap of my bra. He slowly moves it down and I help him take it off. I move my arm over my breasts and look at him as he slowly places me back on my feet. He moves his hands to my shoulders and moves them down to my arms.
“Don’t look,” I say and I feel my face heat up.
“I’m going to look,” he says and I look up at him. “I’m not going to lie to you,” he says and kisses my forehead.
“But they’re small,” I say.
“So, I don’t care,” he says and takes my hand in his. “Don’t be so nervous, to me your beautiful all the time,” he says and leans in and kisses me. He slowly moves my hand away from my chest. I move back on the bed holding him with my hands at his shoulders. He moves to the side of me and then breaks our kiss. He kisses my neck and down to my collar bone. I take a deep breath and watch as his hands move over my breasts and he nibbles at my neck. He moves up and looks at me.
“Sorry I’m just nervous,” I say
“I know you are,” he says and moves his hand into one of mine and laces his fingers with mine. His other hand rests on my stomach. “I want you to do something for me,” he says.
“What’s that?” I ask.
“Close your eyes and promise to keep them closed until I say open,” he says. I look at him “trust me,” he says “that’s all I’m asking of you,” he adds.
“Ok,” I say and close my eyes.
“Promise to keep them closed until I tell you to open,” he says.
“I promise,” I say and I feel his lips on mine.
“I’m going to be here the whole time, so don’t worry, I won’t let go of you,” he says and I feel him squeeze my hand with his. I smile a little and I feel his hand move down from my stomach down my thigh to my knee and stop. He lifts my knee up my leg is not bent. “Are you cold?” he asks.
“Urm no why?” I ask.
“Good it means I’ve turned you on a little,” I feel myself go red, my face burning with heat. I move my arm but I feel him take my hand. “Don’t be embarrassed, my turn on reaction is worse,” he says and I giggle a little. “I’m sorry, you’ve gone really red,” he says. I move my hand to my face trying to cover my redness. He laughs and I feel him kiss my cheek. “Do you want me to shut up?” he asks in my ear. I nod and he laughs again and all I can feel is his breath on my ear and neck.
“What will happen if I open my eyes?” I ask.
“I’ll stop and go sleep on the couch, or get my own room,” he says and I press my lips together creating a pout. “Don’t you feel more relaxed like this?” he asks.
“I don’t know,” I say and turn my head.
“Well let me know if you feel uncomfortable,” he says and I feel him shift his weight and only his hand in mine and the hand that was on my thigh back on my stomach is the only contact.
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