Chapter 130
**Logan**
Megan looks away from me and takes a shaky breath. When I walked into the office and the instant I saw the fear on her face all I wanted to do was hold her. David had told me that my uncle had spoken to her and that she seemed shaken up. When we saw him come in here that’s when I knew something wasn’t right.
She looks unbelievable tonight, that dress fits her like a glove, she has minimal makeup on and her hair is down in waves. She is beautiful and I’ve never felt so lucky in all my life. Even right now with that loaded question I feel lucky to be near her.
“What else did my uncle say about me?” I ask, she looks up at me and I watch as a tear rolls down her cheek. “That bad, huh?” I ask and clench my fists in anger.
I bet everything he said is true as well. I won’t deny anything that is truth to her. She only ever deserves the truth from me. She looks away from me and wipes her cheek.
“Nothing I don’t already know,” she states and I don’t miss the bitterness of her tone.
“Will you not give me the chance to defend myself?” I ask.
“What do you want to defend? He said you get obsessed with different women all the time, that give it a couple of months you’ll find someone else, that you’re violent, and you will cheat on my again at some point.” she snaps and looks away. “I’m sick of people telling me this shit, all it does is feed the doubts I have about us,” she pauses “I keep telling myself that they’re wrong, that you’re not like that anymore, that you won’t do that to me again. But it’s hard to believe that when people keep telling me the opposite,” she explains.
I stand up and walk round the desk to sit down on the desk in front of her. I don’t know what I can do to convince her or prove to her that I will never hurt her. To ease her worries, all I know that it’s only my actions that can do that.
Reaching down to take her hand I pull her up to her feet, she looks up at me, her green eyes filled with unspilled tears.
“I am violent, but only to those that hurt the people I love, Carl’s ex-boyfriend was hitting him,” I start, she looks at me and moves so I can sit in the chair. She sits on my lap, I take her hand in mine. “He was an arsehole to him, I met Carl when he was 16, it was around the time I met Stephanie that he met Adrian, I never really knew him, I only met him a couple of times and I knew I didn’t like him but it wasn’t my place to say. He had a wife and a kid, it just made no sense for him to be with Carl. He was 32 and Carl was 18 and in a bad place he didn’t need someone like that.
“Anyway, after everything with Stephanie, I didn’t see him for a long time, I guess I was too wrapped up in my own shit. I was at a party and he was there, he had lost a lot of weight and had a black eye. At first I thought he’d been hitting the coke too hard but he wouldn’t talk to me or even make eye contact. He left the party pretty much straight after running into me. When I spoke to a few friends they told me that they hardly saw him too.
“The next day I went to the apartment I knew he was staying in, it turns out he had been kicked out by his parents after coming out, David came with me, he had come over at my Uncle’s request. When I got to Carl’s I walked in and I just knew what had been happening. Carl was on his knees. He looked like he was waiting. He didn't move and when he finally realised it was me he panicked, he kept telling me to leave that it wasn’t safe. I got David to take him by force and I just sat and waited for Adrian to come back,” I look up from our intertwined hands to see her expression. She gives me a small smile and I can’t help but kiss her exposed shoulder.
“It’s ok,” she says and places her hand on my cheek. “I know you’re not this person with me,”
“I know that if David hadn’t come back I would have killed him, I took all my anger that I had for Stephanie’s parents and the anger I had for what he had done to Carl out on him, I tied him up and just went to town on him, I tortured him and I did enjoy it because he had hurt my friend. For two days I had my fun. David came back, reset his bones for me and then we left him there. I sent his wife all the texts he’d sent Carl when he first met him, he was murdered two years later, I think he got involved is some shady dealings,” I pause and move her hair from her face. “I’ll never raise a hand to you, I can swear it on my life,” I promise.
“I know,” she states. “I just wish you’d get to tell me these things in your own time rather than people interfering and making me worry,” she explains. “Is there anything else I should know?” she asks.
“No,” I say honestly. “I’m not going to sit here and tell you every person I’ve beaten it would be pointless.”
“I don’t need to hear it,” she states and looks down in thought. She chews her bottom lip as if she’s debating on saying something to me.
“What are you thinking about?” I ask. She sighs and then looks me in the eyes.
“He mentioned your wife,” she states.
“He did didn’t he,” I answer, “she made me promise to her, so I may have lied to you about her at first but it was only because of that promise,” I explain. “I need you to understand that,” I stress. She nods and twines her fingers with mine, letting me know that she’s going to listen to me.
“She hadn’t died when I told you she had, she was on life support. Do you remember that day you had to pick me up from jail?” I ask.
“Yeah,”
“I had switched it off. Stephanie had brain activity but her body wasn’t working and there was nothing they could do. She had multi organ failure which meant she couldn’t undergo any transplant. They kept saying if they knew what was causing the organ failure they could help her but it just wasn’t possible. They had to put her out so that she wasn’t in pain, while they worked to find out what was wrong with her. In the end she had to be put on life support. We only woke her three times, each time it was for me to turn her machine off and I couldn’t do it. She had the ultimate decision really but gave me the power because I guess she just knew I wasn’t ready,”
“I promised her I would once I got clean and I intended to but when I saw her I just couldn’t, she was the only person in my life that loved me and showed me love, I just didn’t want to lose that, in the end she made me promise to tell people she was dead, so that’s why I lied to you” I confess.
“The woman you took me to meet in hospital?” she asks quietly. I nod and I feel my heart beat faster out of fear, the last thing I want is for her to think this was just some cruel joke or that this was purposefully done to hurt her.
“She asked to meet you, when I next saw her she told me to be patient with you and not screw up,”
“Ok,” she sighs and gets up off my lap. “I’m understanding all of this I just don’t get why it was such a big secret, you could have told me all of this, were you ever going to tell me this?” she asks.
“No,” I confess. “If I’m being truly honest, I kept telling myself to tell you but I just kept thinking there was no point dragging up the past to have you think I betrayed you,”
“Logan, why would I think you betrayed me? It was a promise you made to your dying wife, it happened before you met me, only a really vindictive person would hold that against you,” she explains and reaches for my hands. She pulls me to stand. “It amazes me that you kept your promise to her, it’s also heartbreaking to know that you were going through her death all alone, I could have been there for you,” she reaches up and places her hand on my cheek. “You tell me I’m not alone all the time, isn’t it the same for you?” she asks. I nod and she reaches up and hugs me. I wrap my arms around her waist.
I must be the luckiest mother fucker ever to have someone like her in my life. To forgive all of my mistakes and transgressions the way she has.
Loosening my grip on her she slowly pulls away and I want nothing more than to kiss her. As if reading my mind, her lips skim mine, moving a hand up her body to her neck I stop her from kissing me. She looks me in the eyes and the look on her face tells me we both know that we won’t stop at a kiss.
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