Chapter 162

**Megan**

Brendon moves his arm around my shoulders as we walk down the beach. When we left home, we made our way to the beach party. Melanie has been in a mood since she caught us kissing the other day at her house. In all honesty, I’m not even bothered by it. I always try to make her happy.

“Are you going to tell me why you broke up with Logan?” he asks. He’s been wondering about that since I told him. 

“Because I wanted to,”

“There must be another reason,” he says and sits down on the beach. I look down at him, and I debate on telling him. 

“Why do you want to know?” I ask as I move to sit on him. “If I were still with him, we wouldn’t be here right now,” 

“Hmm very true,” he says as he moves his hands up my thighs. I take my top off, so I’m just in my bikini top. “Maybe we should go back to mine,” he says, looking around. 

“No one will see us,” 

“You don’t know that, there are weird people everywhere,” he says, and moves his hand down the back of my shorts. 

“Fine,” I say, and kiss him on the lips. 

\---

Walking down the school halls, some of the students are looking at me, and I’m not exactly sure why. Sandra looks at me, and I look at her. 

“What have you done?” she asks. 

“Do I have something on my face?” I ask, and she laughs and shakes her head. 

“Did you hook up with a nerd because people tell me that’s social suicide?” she states, I laugh and shake my head. I get to my locker, and it’s then I know why everyone is staring at me. In bright yellow spray paint someone has painted ‘HOE’ I frown and laugh. 

“It would seem I’m a gardening instrument,” I say, and she laughs. I open my locker to get my books out. 

“Maybe you slept with someone's boyfriend,” 

“Maybe,” I say, and slam my locker shut. 

I notice that students are still looking at me as if they’re waiting for my reaction. Taking a marker pen out of my bag, I turn to look at my locker and Add the ‘W’ and squeeze the ‘R’ between the O and E.

“There that’s better,” I say with a smile. “I can’t possibly be a gardening instrument, it’s impossible,” and turn to see Logan looking at me. He shakes his head and walks away from me. 

When I got back last night he wasn’t home, I wasn’t too surprised, but it upset me a little because I know he’s not alone when he goes out for the night. It did make me smile when I woke up in the middle of the night to him, lying next to me. It’s not the first time I’ve woken to him holding me. I know it’s selfish of me, but I like it, to know he is still there for me. He doesn’t know I know, he leaves my room before morning. 

Last night I had one of my worst nightmares, it was just horrible. I woke up when it started to fade, and when I felt his arms around me, I knew it was because of him. He was asleep, which made it easier to cry. I shouldn’t allow it, I should tell him to stop, but I’m selfish, and it’s innocent. It doesn’t help me feel any less for him, it makes me want him back, and in a way, I’m torturing myself but do I not deserve that. I’ve hurt him, and it’s only right I hurt too. My nightmares are my karma, and him chasing them away is bittersweet. That’s a whole new level of torture just for me. 

I walked into the girl’s toilets to see Courtney standing at the sinks, looking in the mirror while putting some lipstick on. She glances at me and then goes back to what she’s doing. 

“You look like shit,” she says. 

“Thanks,” I say, and look in the mirror to see I have bags under my eyes. 

“Who’d you piss off? She asks and looks at me. “Or should I say whose boyfriend did you sleep with?” 

“It wasn’t you who wrote that?” I was honestly shocked. 

“If I were going to call you a whore, I would do it to your face,” she says, and searches through her make-up bag and then holds a spliff out to me. “So spill,” 

“I’m not sure,” I say, and frown at her as I take the offering. She pulls a lighter out and lights it for me. 

“I heard you hooked up with Kenneth, so it was probably Mellissa because she’s in love with him or something, the boy doesn’t even look at her,” she says as she opens the window. Then the toilet door opens. She looks to see it’s another student, “Get out,” she snaps. The girl’s eyes widen before she walks out. Then Sandra walks in and glares at her. 

“It’s ok,” I say. She nods but doesn’t leave. “I didn’t sleep with Kenneth,” I state, she shrugs.

“I don’t really care, so why haven’t I seen you at your therapist’s office? You haven’t signed in that book for weeks,” She says as she takes the spliff from me, and takes a long drag of it. 

“I stopped going,” 

“I wish I could,” 

“Why do you go?” I ask. 

“I caught my dad screwing his secretary, so he sent me to a therapist, I think it’s a ploy to make me look crazy if I end up telling my mother,” she says. “I heard your dad isn’t your dad, that’s screwed up,” 

“How did you hear that?” I ask, and take the spliff from her. 

“Tyler, the boy, is a chatty fucker after sex, just get up and leave my bed, you know,” she says, and I smile as she’s right. “I’m surprised he didn’t tell you about me,” 

“I tend to kick him out,” I say, she smiles. I take a pull on the spliff and give it back to her.

“I should do that, I did ask him how you were doing, so it was my own fault for opening up the floor for conversation,” she says. 

“You ask about me?” I ask. I notice her hair isn’t as blonde as usual like she stopped getting highlights. 

“We grew up together, I was mortified when your mom died, I cried when I found out, and then all the shit with your dad, sorry uncle, I wanted to come and see you, but then everyone would know I cared for someone other than myself,” she explains. 

“That’s fucked up, Courtney,” I say, she laughs and looks at the clock before handing me the spliff back. 

“It’s easier to let people think you’re a bitch than to let them know you care and hurt you, as you’ve worked out,” she says, and I nod. “Plus losing my brother helped,” I give her a small smile and look down. I remember when that happened, she was so upset; it did change her. That’s when she started cutting me out. “You screwed Mr Peters yet?” she asks, and I choke on the spliff. 

“What?”

“Oh please, he’s sex personified, you must have at least thought about it, I know I have. My sister said he broke her bed,” she says, I laugh and look at Sandra to see her smile a little. “He called her the other day,” she looks at me as if she’s trying to gauge my reaction. “Asked her if she wanted to hook up,” 

“He’s sleeping with a lot of people lately,” I say, and look down at my pale green dress. I pick at imaginary lint as I think of something else to say to her. 

“Like you,” she says. I look at her. “It’s almost like you’re both going through heartbreak,” 

“What are you getting at?” She chuckles and shakes her head at me before taking the spliff from my fingers.

“I’m not stupid, Megan, I know you, we used to be best friends. I may come off stupid most of the time, but I see more than you think,” she states. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say, she smirks at me and her blue eyes take me in. 

“Ok, but if you ever want to talk about it, let me know. I’ve always kept your secrets, and this one I’ve kept for a long time,” she states. “Maybe you and my sister can share notes,” she says with a little giggle. I sigh and look away from her. 

“There’s nothing to talk about,” 

“Do you want another?” she asks as she pulls another spliff out of her make-up bag. I’m starting to think that bag has no make-up in it. I look at the clock to see there are ten minutes until 1st period starts. 

“Go on then,” I say and watch her light it with the one in her mouth. 

“Do you remember that sub we had in Math last month?” 

“Yeah,” I say as she hands me the new joint. 

“I screwed him,” 

“No, you didn’t,” 

“I did, subs are easy because the chances of seeing them again are low, it’s the best, plus they’re less likely to take another shift at the school out of fear of being caught,” she says and sits on the window ledge. I sit next to her and look at her. 

Courtney has always been beautiful, and she knows it, and so does everyone else, it helps that she does a bit of modelling on the side, but if I remember correctly, she only does it because her mother makes her. She’s the girl most girls want to be and the type of girl to get by on her looks alone. She’s about the same height as me and looks like a victoria secret model. I’m not sure why she stays single. She could have any guy she wants, and I’m not sure who she likes anymore.