Chapter 158

**Megan**

I make my way to the girl’s toilets and run into the first available stall. Taking a deep breath, I try my best to stop crying. He did this to us. If he hadn’t got me to fall in love with him, we’d be happy right now. I didn’t need him to tell me he loves me.

It was wrong of me to allow us to have sex, but I just wanted to be held by him one last time. It’s selfish, and I know that. I’m just not sure I’ll ever have anyone make me feel the way he does. 

Sighing I quickly clean myself up, I then unlock the stall and walk out to wash my hands and try to make myself look less distraught. Then the door swings open, and then the Principal walks in. She looks at me and walks towards me; I had never been so thankful to see her when she walked into Logan’s office. I was so close to telling him the real reason. It hurt to lie to him. 

“Are you ok?” she asks. 

“It’s not me you should be asking that,” I say, and dab my eyes with a paper towel. 

“I know what heartbreak looks like, why did you do it?” she asks. I look at her and shake my head. 

“You wouldn’t understand,” I say, and take my phone out of my pocket. 

“What’s your next lesson?” she asks. 

“Art,” 

“I see,” she sighs and looks away from me, “I knew your mother quite well, and I know she would call you a stupid girl for doing what you just did,” 

“Yeah well she’s not here, she left me to get beaten and raped by a man I thought was my father, so right now I don’t care what she would say,” I snap, and she frowns at me. 

“Jonathon isn’t your dad?” she asks. 

“No she was fucking his brother, I guess we both liked to have men we shouldn’t have,” 

Then the door opens, and a group of girls walk in. They stop when they see us. 

“Leave,” she orders them. They nod and walk out. I sigh and look at her. “My husband and I broke up once, one of my friends had fallen out with me, and she knew about us. She threatened to tell the school board if I didn’t break up with him, so like you, I did, and it was horrible. He left, and I went to college. The girl that broke us up ended up telling him everything and well now he’s my husband,” she states. “Sometimes we do things that we think will protect the people we care about, but in fact, all we do is hurt them a lot more,” I shake my head in response as I feel myself start to cry again. “Or ourselves,” she states, and I look at her. 

“He’ll be ok,” I say.

“And you?” I shrug and look down at my feet. She then moves her arm around my shoulders and pulls me into a hug. “Times like this you need your mom, I’m sorry you’ve only got me,” she says. “Are you still having therapy?” she asks, and I nod. “Maybe see if you can get an emergency appointment now, If you can I’ll authorise your absence,” she states. I nod and look down at my phone. 

“Thank you,” I say as I pull away from the hug. “You know if people see you being nice to me, you’ll ruin your reputation as the dragon lady,” 

“Hmm, very true, I’ll leave first you leave in a few minutes,” she jokes. 

\---

I knock on my therapist’s door. I hear movement, and a few seconds later, the door opens. Sara stands there in a green floral maxi dress that compliments her caramel skin tone and her figure lovely. She’s relatively small, so it makes her look a little taller. The wedges help also. Her cheeks are a bit flushed, but I think it’s probably from the hot weather. 

“That was quick, I thought you said you were at school,” she says frowning and moves to let me in. 

“Yeah I was only about 2 minutes away when I called,” I say, and sit down on the couch. She nods and moves her hand through her hair which she has braided from her face. I've never seen her hair natural, it’s always straight or braided. It looks like she’s growing the roots out, letting her natural dark brown hair come through. Her pale green eyes quickly scan the room before she sits down. She looks a little on edge and nervous. “Are you ok?” I ask. 

“Yeah, why?” she asks.

“You just seem on edge,” 

“What no, I’m not on edge,” she says and sits in her usual chair. “So what’s wrong?” she asks. “What’s happened?” she adds. I look down at my hands and then notice a watch on the table. I frown at it and pick it up. 

“My uncle, sorry dad, Brett has one similar to this,” I say, not knowing what to call him still. I hold it up to look at it. 

“Oh...really, it’s probably from my last patient,” she says and holds her hand out to take it. I hand it to her, and she stands and puts it in her desk drawer.

“It’s probably the same one, they all look similar to me” I state and watch her walk back to the chair. 

“So tell me,” she says pressing record on her Ipad. She reaches for her glass of water and takes a sip. 

“I broke up with Logan,” she coughs and looks at me. 

“What? Why?” she says, and quickly clears her throat. 

“I needed to,” 

“But why?” she asks after she composes herself. I sigh and walk to the window and look out of it. 

“He told me he loves me,” I say, and look towards her, “And when he said it, I realised that I love him too,” I state and I feel myself start to get teary again. “God, I can’t stop crying,” I say quickly wiping my eyes. 

“We’ve talked about this before, and love isn’t a bad thing,” 

“You say that but when does it end happily, I told him I didn’t want him to love me. One of us will get hurt, and it’s not going to be me,” 

“By the look of things Megan you already are,” she states. 

“Yeah because he made me fall in love with him,” I argue. She sighs and looks down at her pad of paper, then back up at me. 

“Tell me what happened,” she suggests. I sigh and walk to the couch and sit down. 

“Last night we were having sex,” I then hear a thud. I frown and look at Sara. 

“My neighbours they’re always banging about,” she states. 

“I should have known, to be honest, it was more intense than usual, he was off all day with me, we talked it through, and then he just looked at me differently from then. Anyway, before my third orgasm, he told me he loves me,” I state and Sara interrupts.

“Third? Go, Logan,” she says with a smirk, and I look at her and smile. “Sorry continue,”

“And the words came into my mind too, but I stopped myself from saying them, luckily for me I didn’t exactly have much of a chance anyway because well he came as well,” I continue.

“Then what?” she asks. 

“I waited for him to go to sleep and left his room. I decided while waiting that we needed to break up.

“Why did you wait until this afternoon?” 

“I avoided him most of the day. I went to go see him at lunchtime, and I’d decided that I was just going to walk in, break up with him, then leave,” 

“And did you,” 

“No, we had sex again, and then I did.”

“Oof,” she says, and her eyes widen a little. 

“What?” I ask. 

“That’s savage,” she states. “To have sex with him and make him feel like everything is ok with you both to drop that nuclear bomb then, it’s going to cause some upset. I think your view on all of this is quite worrying. You’re trying to fight your feelings, and it’s working to a point, but ultimately you’re going to hurt Logan to a point where it may have devastating results for you both, loving him isn’t a bad thing,” 

“Have you ever been in love?” I ask. She sighs and nods, “And? How did it end?” 

“What makes you think it’s ended?” she asks. 

“You have no wedding ring, there are no real personal photos in here, just one and that’s of your cat, and I’ve noticed the scars on you,” I say looking at her. She sighs and gives me a small smile. 

“My ex was abusive,” she states “but that hasn’t made me give up on love,” 

“You loved him, and he used that love against you, I’m not having that happen to me again,” 

“What makes you so sure it will?” 

“Every person I’ve loved has either used it against me or abandoned me, and I refuse to allow myself to get hurt again, if I don’t protect my heart no one will,” I say looking at her. 

“Well that is very sad, not allowing yourself to love, will break you at some point,” I shrug and pick some lint off my dress. “What about your family?” 

“What family? I have an uncle who lied to me all my life, he left me with Jonathon, family love is the worst kind of love, I refuse to love any of them,” I state, and she frowns at me. 

“Megan,” 

“Can I go to the toilet?” I ask. She nods and points to behind her. I get up and walk to the toilet shutting the door behind me. I sigh and look in the mirror to see my eyes are still red from crying. I know she’s right, that I’m hurting Logan, but he can always fall in love with someone else. 

I quickly go to the toilet and then wash my hands and walk out to see her not in the room. I frown and sit down on the couch. I hear talking from outside the door, but I don’t take much notice. I just look at my phone to see a text from Melanie asking me where I am. 

Sara walks back in and gives me a small smile before sitting in her seat. 

“Sorry about that, I had a phone call,” I nod and look at my hands.”You have so much anger,” 

“How am I supposed to feel?” I ask. 

“I’m not saying you shouldn’t feel angry. I understand you feel angry towards certain things that have happened, but you’re closing yourself off to other emotions, emotions that will help you heal,” 

I sigh and look away from her. I don’t see the point of these sessions. What am I gaining from these? I only started having them because my grandfather wanted me to have them, and the hospital recommended it, but I’m 18, which means I now have a say. Looking back at her, and she sighs. 

“I know what you’re going to say,” she says closing her notebook, “I’m not going to cancel your regular sessions, I’ll keep them open for a few months for you in case you decide to come back. I know the look of someone who has closed themselves off to help,” she says, and stops the recording. “My door is always open for you, Megan, should you want my help,” she states. 

I nod and stand up. I pick up my bag and leave without another word.