Chapter 20

**Megan**

I’m sitting in a study, hiding from them. My name hasn’t been shouted so I guess they aren’t looking for me which is good. I just hope Melanie’s dad doesn’t decide to come in here, I don’t understand why he has a study when he’s a doctor, although as far as studies go he has a plasma TV and a mini fridge and a mini bar so I guess it was more his escape from the family when sports were on. Yes I’ve raided the mini bar and only found white rum which I don’t mind, I’m not guzzling it down but I wasn’t exactly sipping it either.

“Megan?” I hear someone say. I slowly sat up and looked to see if it was her dad. He frowns at me while walking towards me.

“I’m sorry,” I said, laying my head on my lap and he stopped “please don’t hit me,” I said closing my eyes “I’m sorry,” I mumbled. I hear more movement and then the door shuts. I open my eyes to see he has gone. I sigh and sit up while bringing the bottle to my lips and gulping more of the clear liquid down. The door opens once more and I take the bottle from my lips and tilt my head back.

“Give me the bottle,” I hear Logan’s English accent order to me. I don’t move my hands and then I feel it be taken out of my hands. I sigh and tilt my head down and to the side.

“You’re angry,” I say.

“I’m not,”

“I can hear it in your voice,”

“Well wouldn’t you just be a tad annoyed,” he snaps.

“Hit me if you want it's ok with me,”

“I’m not going to hit you,”he says, taking my hands and pulling me up but failing.

“Why not, a lot of people would,” I pause, “it’s not like I’m not used to being hit,” I say. He sighs and sits down next to me. I turn to look at him and out of the corner of my eye I see Melanie, her mom, dad, Kellie and Brendan. “I want to go see my dad,” I said quietly “and I want him and my mom back,” I said looking at Logan.

“Yeah I want my mother and father back too but I have to be happy with what I’ve got,”he says. I sigh and look away from him.

“You suck,” I said “and I hate you,” I said laying my head on my lap “and I feel like I’m going to be sick,”

“Come on,”he says, trying to get me to stand again and this time get me to stand.

“Will you stop touching me,” I snap and yank myself away from him and push him away. “Why is everyone trying to touch me? Just stop it,” I yell and move away from him “I want to be left alone,” I cry and sit on the floor with my knees to my chest. I then hear the door shut. I look to see it was only me, Logan and Melanie’s mom in the room now. “I want my mom,”

“Yeah well you can’t have her can you,” Logan snapS “stop fucking about and get your arse up,” he yells.

“Logan, don't shout at her,” Melanie’s mom says.

“Its fine,” I mumbled “he likes shouting at me,”

“Yeah about as much as I like seeing you like this,” he snaps. I remain silent and look away from him.

He doesn’t understand no matter how much he says he does. I have tried to show him so many times how I feel and what I’m thinking but he doesn’t seem to get it. This was the only way I knew how to cope and shouting at me doesn’t make a difference. I don’t understand why he doesn’t just give up on me other people would, what has made him stay with me?

“I’m sorry,”he said quietly and sat down beside me “I don’t like shouting at you and I don’t like snapping at you, it's just I’ve told you many times to come to me rather than do this,” he states. I turn and look at him to see him looking straight at me. “Do you want a hug?”

“No,” I said looking away from him, “I want you to leave me alone,” I heard him sigh deeply.

“Why? What have I done?” he asks.

“Nothing I just want you to leave me alone you’re always pestering me and I don’t understand why you’re always here with me, it’s confusing,” I mumble “I just want to be left alone,” I said and the room falls silent. I wipe my tears and close my eyes.

“I’m sorry but I’m not going to leave you alone,” he finally says, breaking the silence. I look around to see it is just me and him. I hadn’t even heard Melanie’s mom leave. “Because the truth is I can’t be alone at the moment and I need you,”he says. I frown “I’m being serious, I’m not in a very good place at the moment and I actually have the urge to join you in all this self pity. I just know that it won’t be good for you if I do,” he explains. “Now you may not want a hug but I do,” I sigh and move closer to him. He moves his arms around me and I hug him back.

“Ok maybe I needed this hug,” I said holding him tighter “I just have this feeling something bad is going to happen sooner or later because everything has been going a little too good,”

“Is that why you’re so I hate life at the moment?” he asks. I sigh and relax in his arms. He stroked his hand up and down my arm.

“No, it’s just I don’t see the point anymore,” I state “everything has been taken away from me so I don’t see the point or the need for me to be alive,” I state. He sighs deeply and he moves a hand to my hands. “I know I probably sound pathetic but that’s how I feel,”

“You don’t sound pathetic I’ve been where you are now and I understand how you feel,” I look at him “I was just more self destructive than suicidal because to me suicide is a cowards way out,” he pauses “I’m not calling you a coward but when you do self harm don’t you at least spare a thought for the people around you? Not many suicide victims do, because they are so wrapped up in their own shit that they don’t realise there are other people around them that are hurting too but because they are worried.”

“I know suicide is a selfish act but I don’t know it just seems like the easiest option,” I said and rest my head on his chest.

“Hmm it does,” he said “I want you to do something for me. I want you to think before you next do something like this,” he said facing my wrist to him “ok?” he asks. I nod and feel him kiss the top of my head. “Thank you, now come on, I want to go home,” he said, pushing me up and then standing up. I sigh and let him help me stand. I stagger into him and he moves his arm around me, steadying me completely.

We walk out of the study and he gives the bottle back to Melanie’s mom. It was only Melanie’s mom and dad that were out here. They both gave me a small smile “I’m sorry,” I said quietly while looking down at my feet.

“It's fine Megan as I’m sure this isn’t the first time you and Melanie have sneaked into one of our liquor cabinets,” she states.

“That’s mostly Melanie’s fault she’s the one that gets it not me I’m just sat reading a magazine and she comes in with her hands full,” I state, she laughs and walks with us to the front door.

**Logan**

Megan sits with Max laying his head on her lap. She’s stroking his head while watching TV. Carl is still here unfortunately, I found out he hadn’t paid his rent so he’s hiding from his landlord. This means he’s staying here for a few days. I’m just waiting for him to go to bed.

“Can we watch something more interesting like CSI?” she suddenly asks.

“It’s not on,” Carl said as he flicks through channels “nothing is ever on,”

“Well can we watch a movie I’m bored,”

“I’m surprised you’re not passed out right now after how much you drank,” he states while looking at her.

“Carl shut up and put a movie on,” I snap and rub my leg. He sighs and does what I say. “Megan on Sunday I won’t be able to go to your granddads with you,” I state. There was silence for a moment then she spoke.

“Why not?”

“I have something important to do so I’ll be out most of the day and probably won’t be back until later on in the day,” I state and look at her to see her looking down at her lap.

“Ok,” she said and slowly gets up “I’m gonna go to bed,” she said looking at me. I nod a little “Urm yeah Night,” she said and walks out of the room.

“She didn’t take that very well,” Carl said after we hear her bedroom door shut.

“Hmm I knew she wouldn’t but I can’t help it,”

“No you can't, I don't see why you just don’t tell her you’re off to Steph’s funeral,” he states.

“Oh yeah sorry Megan can’t come to see your granddad with you because I’m off to my wife’s funeral who you thought died well before I met you when in actual fact I killed her a few days ago,” I pause “that would really go down well wouldn’t it she’ll really trust me then,” I mock and roll my eyes at him.

“I’m just saying,” he said and sits down back in the seat he was in and plays the movie.

“Well don’t, I know what I’m doing,” I snap and reach for my weed and roll ups.