Chapter 114
\*\*Megan\*\*
It has been over an hour since I heard Logan leave the house. Everyone but Yasmin had left as, I didn’t want her to leave. Melanie seemed a little happy about the fact Logan and I just broke up and I cannot deal with that.
“I got us hot chocolate,” she says, handing me a mug of hot chocolate with cream. I smile and take it. “Shall we watch a movie, I think Jon Tucker Must Die is very appropriate at the moment,” she says trying to make a joke. I just sigh and look down at my drink. “Ok how about Kill Bill” she says and I shake my head.
“I told him I love him,” I say quietly and her eyebrows raise “and he just didn’t care,”
“Do you love him?” she asks.
“I don’t know, I told him because I know that he wants to hear that from me,” I pause “he believes in love and I thought it would get him to stay,” I say.
“It’s going to be ok,” she says.
“How? I don’t even know what I did wrong,” I snap at her and get up off the bed. “Everything was fine and he leaves me for like an hour and suddenly he wants to break up,” I say and I feel fresh tears fill my eyes. “i feel like he used me,”
“No, he didn’t, theres something more to this, there has to be,” she says standing in front of me.
“No there isn’t,” I pause and sit back on the bed “Benjamin was right,” I mumble. “You should leave I want to be alone,”
“I don’t really feel comfortable leaving you alone,” she says nervously.
“I’m not going to top myself, I’ll probably just try to sleep,” I say and pull my covers back.
“Don’t you think you should have something to eat?” she asks.
“No, I’m ok,” I say and climb into bed.
“Ok,” Yasmin says and reluctantly leaves the room. I take a deep breath and reach for my phone. My psychologist told me that I can contact her at anytime and to especially do it if I feel like self harming and after speaking to her if I still felt self harming then to do so. I decide to video chatting her through Skype. After a few rings she answers and a blonde make up free face appears on my phone screen. She smiles at me and puts on some black glasses that reflect her screen back to me.
“Hey,” she says giving me a quick wave. “Sorry with how I’m dressed, I had nothing to do today so pyjama day,” she says with a grin and I give her a small smile. “Oh what’s happened, you’ve been crying,” she states and I wipe my eyes and sit up straight. “Megan,” she says as I don’t answer her. I feel myself slowly start to cry. “Ok take as long as you want,” she says. “Where’s your laptop?” she asks.
“Urm,” I cleared my throat “I didn’t bring it,” I say wiping my eyes “I think there’s an Ipad somewhere,” I say getting up.
“Okay find it and we’ll talk on that, it’ll be easier,” she says. I nod and end the call.
Ten minutes later I sit crossed legged on the bed and the Ipad is stood up in front of me so she can see my whole body. I notice that she’s changed rooms.
“What has happened?” she asks. I start to play with the hem of my sock and try to calm my nerves. It seems saying the words out loud is hard. I can’t even bring myself to say them. “Is it about Logan?” she asks. I nod and start to cry. “Take your time,” she states.
“God I can't stop crying,” I say angrily and forcefully wipe my tears
“It’s ok,” she says
“No it’s not, I feel so pathetic for crying over this,” I snap “It’s not like I love him,” I growl and put my head in my hands. “We broke up,” I mumble and I know she didn’t hear me.
“Megan take a deep breath and hold it for a few seconds before letting it out,” she says and I do as she says. “Whatever it is we can talk through it and you will see that you can work through it,” she says. “OK?” she asks and I nod.
“Yeah,” I say and look at her to see her waiting patiently for me. “Logan broke up with me,” I say and I can see the surprise on her face that she quickly hides.
“Why?” she asks.
“He said it was ‘for the best,’ whatever the fuck that means,” I say angrily.
“Ok and what happened?”
“He told me we’re not good for each other and then he told me not to cry can you believe that?” I ask and I’m not even bothered about her answer “and then I told him I was leaving and then he kissed me and said sorry and left telling my he didn’t want me anymore,” I cry.
“Ok,” she breathes, “have you self harmed?” she asks. I shake my head “Are you thinking about it?” she asks.
“No, I’m thinking I don’t want to be here,” I say and look down at my feet. “What’s the point? He’s the only person I trust and he’s just thrown it in my face, it’s like everything Benjamin told me has become true, I was stupid to think Logan would want me after he had seen my body,” I sob.
“What do you mean?” she asks.
“Last night we were in Paris and things escalated,” I say.
“Did you have sex?” she asks.
“No,” I say and she writes on a pad in front of her.
“Had you been drinking?”
“We had a few glasses of wine,”
“Both of you or just you?”
“Both, I wanted to do what we did, even if I did punch him before hand,” I explain and she gives me a small smile.
“And how do you feel about last night now?” she enquires
“Like I was used, by what he said he used me, that even came up in our argument, he said that I can't be intimate is also a reason,” I explain and she takes a deep breath.
“How else do you feel?” she asks.
“I just feel empty, why would he do this to me? Why has he decided to hurt me like this? I just don’t understand how I deserve any of this. What did I do wrong?” I ask her.
“No Megan, you did nothing wrong, where are your friends? You’re there with friends aren’t you?” she asks.
“I told them to leave, I just can’t do this,” I say and lean forward to pick up the Ipad.
“Megan, don't end the call, we’ll talk this through,” she states.
“What’s the point? I'm not good enough for anyone anymore all thanks to one person. So there’s no point in this. I should just make everyone happy,” I say and end the call. I toss it back on the bed and get up and I hear her call me back. I ignore it and walk out of the room.
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