Chapter 43

**Megan**

I wiped my cheeks and slowly got up. I looked at the clock to see it said 18:30. My legs felt weak as I made my way to my bed. I sat on it and took my phone out of my pocket and dialled Brendan’s number. There was no answer. I sigh and place my phone on the bedside table and walk towards my wardrobe. Once inside my wardrobe I started to pull out some clothes to wear. I then heard my phone go off. I ran to my bed and picked it up.

“Brendan,” I say.

“What’s wrong?” he asks “you seem upset,”

“Will you come and get me? Please,” I say.

“Yeah, sure but what’s going on first?” he asks.

“I’ll explain when you get here,” I said and put the phone down. Ten minutes had passed and I heard a knock on my bedroom door. “Who is it?” I asked as I walked towards it.

“Brendan,”he says. I opened the door and let him in. “What’s wrong?” he asks. I took a deep breath and sat on the edge of my bed. “Megan,”he said sitting next to me.

“Will you take me out?” I ask

“Where?”

“Just take me somewhere away from here, I want to get out of the house,” I state.

“Yeah sure, if that’s what you want,”he said confused. I sigh and walk back to my wardrobe to pick up what I had pulled out to wear.

“You got here pretty fast,”

“Well I was on my way to begin with because you said how you didn’t want to go to that session so I thought I’d come and see you afterwards to make sure you were ok, that was the reason why I didn’t answer the phone, I was driving,” he explained.

“Oh ok,” I said and walked out wearing a long top and torn black jeans. He gave me a small smile and I sat down next to him.

“You’re shaking are you ok?” he asks.

“I just want my box,”

“Ah, the box,”he said, laying back and looking at me. I looked at him “I’m guessing Logan has hidden it?” he asks. I nodded and looked at the t-shirt he was wearing which was a black t-shirt that had multiple sex positions on it. “We can try them out if you like,” he said, smirking. I rolled my eyes and looked away from him.

“Have you got any alcohol?” I ask .

“Oh yeah I’m just going to pull it out of my arse,”he says.

“Sorry,” I say.

“I’m sorry,”he said “I have things on my mind, probably not as much as you but I do,”he said and sat up. He moved his arm around my shoulders and I gulped. My body already felt hot enough I really couldn’t do with him touching me. “So why do you want to self harm today?” he asks, smiling a little as he said it in a very casual way.

“I urm...we need to go out,” I said standing up and moving his hand off me. He frowned and I walked towards my door. I unlocked it and opened it “C’mon then,” I said and walked out of my room with him behind me. I went to the stairs to see Logan sat on the steps and he was on the phone.

“Yeah I understand,”he said to the person on the other end. “Well I’m not in the best of places at the moment so I think a few weeks back in England may help,”he says. My eyes widened and I slowly started to walk down the stairs. “Well you see she hates me now so I think she’ll be ok with it and anyway I’m not really helping her am I? I keep fucking up every time,” he paused “I’m not really helping if I’m now making her hate me, she won’t talk to me so I can’t help. No that’s not exactly it, she obviously feels like she can’t talk to me and if she feels that way then there is nothing I can do. Maybe it’s best for her if she moves in with her grandfather and I move back home,”he said as he moved his head down and his hand covering his eyes. I glared at his back and clenched my fists. He couldn’t just leave me,he said he’d never leave me and now here he was planning it.

I looked at Brendan who was standing next to me. I looked away from him and walked down the stairs and passed Logan. I grabbed my converse and walked out the door.

---

Brendan sighs and walks down the stairs as he watches Logan stand at the door and clench his fists. He sighs and takes a deep breath “Logan,”he said as he walked down the stairs. “I know you don’t like me and well I don’t really care if you do or you don’t. But she hasn’t told me what’s made her so emotional, maybe it’s because of the session,”he said and stood at the bottom. “If I was you I’d just get some sleep, she’ll be back I promise,”he said and walked over to him to go put his hand on Logan’s shoulders. Logan turned and grabbed Brendan’s arm and pushed him against the wall and pinned him to the wall.

“Touch her and I’ll kill you,”he said glaring at him, “do you understand,”he says. Carl walked in and stood at the living room doorway and folded his arms.

“Logan don’t scare the poor boy you’ll make him pee his pants,”he said “he doesn’t really mean he’ll kill you he’ll just majorly hurt you,”he said with a smile “now let go of him,” Logan freed Brendan and stepped back. Brendan looked at Carl and Carl just smiled at him once more. “And we are serious, if you touch her, believe it when I say one of your limbs will stop working,”he said and walked over to them. “Now leave,”he said and Brendan nodded and walked out. “Cocky bastard,” Carl said as he walked back into the living room “I was enjoying my TV, come Logan I’ll relax you,”

“Fuck you,” Logan snapped.

“You can if you like,”he says.

----
**Logan**

Brendan stood in front of me and smirked a little. I frowned and watched him open the car door for me. I climbed in and he shut the door and walked round the car to the driver’s side. Once he was in he sighs and chuckles a little while starting the car. “What do you find amusing?” I ask .

“I’ll tell you later,”he said and pulled out of the driveway.

“Can we go somewhere fun?”

“Don’t we always?” he asks. I sigh and look away.

“I don’t fancy a party; can we go to the beach?”

“If you fancy the beach we’ll go to the beach,”he says.

“Can we buy alcohol?” I asked as I rummaged through his glove compartment.

“We will see. What are you looking for?” he asks.

“Cigarettes,” I said and then I found them.

“We’re not getting alcohol because I’m driving,”

“Then you won’t drive until the morning,” I said and lit up a cigarette. He took the cigarette from my mouth and looked at me.

“The alcohol maybe a yes if you don’t smoke,”he says. I huffed “I’m trying to quit so you’re going to quit,”he said and opened the window and threw the cigarette out the window along with the packet.

“Fine,” I said and folded my arms.

---
**Megan**

“He obviously thought he was doing the right thing,” Brendan said. I had just told him about Logan hiding my box. I sigh “No don’t go off on one just hear me out,”he says. I nodded in response and he moved his arms fully around me keeping me warm. “He cares about you a lot, it’s obvious. That box has your razors in and god knows what else that you use to self harm and he knows that. He’s not going to just hand it over to you while knowing what you’re going to do with it,” he explained “he’s going to think the worse as soon as you get your hands on that box, which is why he’s refusing to give you it,”

“But I’m not going to die,”

“He doesn’t know that and you don’t know that, I’ve seen how deep these scars can be,”he said as he moved my wrist in front of us both. “Are you telling me you didn’t want to end your life a few hours ago?” he asks. I sigh “Exactly, if he had given you the box and you ended up dying what do you think would happen?”

“I guess you’re right,” I said and laid my head back on his chest “I still hate him,” I said and moved the bottle of Jack Daniels to my lips.

“So are you both still going out or?” he asks, I sigh.

“No, he’s given up on me so I guess we aren’t, why?” I ask, looking at him.

“No reason,”he said and smiled down at me. He took the bottle out of my hands and took a swig of it and then placed the top on it and placed the bottle at the side of us.

“What would you have done?” I ask .

“What do you mean?” he asks, laying his head on my shoulder.

“Would you have given me the box?”

“I would have made a deal with you, because when I was studying psychology we had to study a case of a girl who had self harmed for years and we had to try and find a way to stop her from self harming. And if you think about it, self harming is like an addiction, it starts to become your way of getting out of things and you think you control it but it controls you like a vicious circle. Anyway having you wait an hour would have been the best option, even if you didn’t like it I would give you an hour and if you asked me for the box after that then I would give you it as long as you gave me it back afterwards,” he explained. “In a way it’s like weaning you off it because in that hour I’d do something to take your mind off it,”

I sigh and stay silent while watching the fire in front of us. Several minutes had passed and I was drinking from the bottle still. “It’s weird how the strong taste doesn’t taste as strong after a while,” I say.

“That’s because your body is starting to feel a bit numb,”he said and kissed my neck.

“Don’t,” I said, moving away.

“Ok,”he said and turned his head away and rested it on my shoulder.

“Sorry,” I said quietly.

“Its fine Megan, don’t feel bad,”he says.

“My session today was horrible,”

“I figured,”he says. “Do you want to tell me what you spoke about?”

“She thinks I’m obsessed with sex,”

“Did she say that?” he asks.

“No but I know she’s thinking it,” I say.

“Why’s that?”

“Promise you won’t think I’m a freak,”

“I promise,”

“I or my body...” I stalled and he sighs.

“I know,”he said quietly. I frowned, “you told me once when you were drunk, you said something about needing to be touched and you got really angry and then started crying while calling yourself a freak and sick,”he says.

“Oh,”

“It’s not uncommon, you know,” he says. “But that doesn’t change how you feel,”he said and looked at me “Now come on because I’m falling asleep here,”he said, pushing me up. I sigh and stand staggering a little to the side. He grabbed me quickly “you nearly fell into the fire then,”he says.

I chuckled and breathed in deeply. He looked at me and moved me away from the fire and started to kick sand over it until it was out. He then walked me up the steps that led to the car park and we stood in front of his car. I sat on the bonnet and he sat on the wall. He closed his eyes and I slowly started to laugh.

“Don’t laugh, I'm sleepy,” he said and then jumped off the wall “c’mon before I fall asleep here too,”he said moving his arm around me and walking with me away from the car park.