Chapter 45

**Megan**

My body ached, the pain was different to any other pain I had ever had before, but what did I expect. He couldn’t care about me forever. I wasn't worth caring about. I had warned him of all this when I woke up in hospital and I warned him to save myself from this pain, but he promised me he would never hurt me.

Taking a deep breath I closed my eyes trying to calm myself down and then opened them again as I let the air out of my lungs. I slowly made my way up to my room, trying my best to make it look like I hadn’t cried.

Opening my bedroom door I saw Brendan sat on my bed in his boxers. He looked at me from his phone and gave me a small smile. I walked over to him and placed my box on my bedside table.

“Are you ok?” he asks. I nodded and dropped the bottle on the bed. I was lying and he most likely knew that. He moved his hand into one of mine and shook me a little and my eyes met his “Megan,”he said and cupped my face with his other hand.

“Sleep with me,” I said quietly.

“What?” he asks, surprised.

“I want you to have sex with me,” I quietly explained.

“No,” he said looking down and taking his hand from my face “you’re upset and drunk and I don’t think you’re ready,”

“Why does everyone say that?” I ask “I was ready a long time ago just because I was” I paused and took a deep breath “...doesn’t mean I’m suddenly not ready,” I growled “heck I would have slept with you that night we got together when I was going out with Tyler but you wouldn’t then because of my age and I was pretty out of it,” I paused “but right now I’m not out of it and I know what I’m saying,” I say.

“Maybe so but it wasn’t like you got raped just the once was it,”he said now looking at me. I flinched at the word ‘rape’ and leaned in to kiss him. He pushed me back “No Megan, in a couple of month’s maybe but not now,”he states.

“What if I’m not here in a couple of months? What if I’m dead tomorrow?”

“Why are you talking like that?” he asked and his eyes landed on my box and then looked at me. “No, you can’t do something like that, I won’t let you,”

“You’re not here all the time Brendan, you can’t watch me 24 seven,” I stated and climbed onto his lap “One way or another I’m going to do it,” I said and wrapped my arms around his neck while kissing his neck.

“Logan wouldn’t let you,”

“Logan doesn’t care no more, he just told me,” I said and grabbed the bottle of tequila and unscrewed the top. “Do you want some?” I ask .

“No,”he said as his eyes were fixed on my box and then looked at me “I’ll sleep with you on one condition,”he says. I smiled, “You throw what is in that box and the box away,”he states.

“Of course,” I said happily when really inside I was dying. I didn’t want to throw it away and he knew that. I sigh and stand while reaching for my box.

My heart pounded and my body was shaking. I needed this box more than anything in the world, disposing of it was not something I thought about ever. That had never once in my life crossed my mind and here I was opening it and reaching for the two blades and three pieces of broken glass inside it ready to throw them. Bringing the bottle to my lips I chugged down as much as I could before the pain of my throat burning became unbearable. I placed the bottle on the bedside table and walked to the giant window and looked out of it, the rain still pounding down on the ground below. The rain made the only sound in the room as I slowly opened the window.

“I can’t,” I said looking at him and tears rolling down my face.

“I know,” he said, getting up and walking towards me and hugging me tightly. He took the box out of my hand and closed it. He pulled me into a kiss and picked me up. He placed me on my bed and then walked to my window shutting it and then placed my box on my bedside table and kissed me once more. His kiss felt different than it normally does. Today when I kissed him that also felt different, his kiss felt the same as what Logan’s always felt like. I pushed him away.

“Stop it,” I say.

“Stop what?” he asks.

“The way you’re kissing me,” I state. He frowned obviously confused “I don’t want you to kiss me like that because you’ll just hurt me like he has,”

“Like who has?” he asked, moving onto my bed and I moved back until my back was touching my head board.

“Logan downstairs,” I said and started to cry “and if you kiss me like he does then that means you’re going to hurt me,”

“I’m not going to hurt you,”

“That’s what he says,” I cried “he lied and you’re doing the same thing,”

“I don’t understand,” he said and placed his hands on my knees. “if I was out to hurt you Megan would I say no to having sex with you, would I be up at four in the morning with you right now?” he asks. I shook my head

“Megan if I wanted to hurt you I would have done it by now,”he states and sat back. I looked at him and wiped my tears, “Come here,”he says.

I looked down and crawled to him, letting him hug me. I leaned up and kissed him again, his hand cupped my face and I pulled him on top of me. He pulled back and looked down at me. A very small smile creased his lips and he kissed my left cheek then my forehead then my nose to my lips. I smiled into the kiss and ran my hands through his hair and his hands moved from my hips to tangle in my hair. His body touched mine as he relaxed more and I moved my hands down to the bottom of his back. He pulled back and I felt his breath on my face as we both breathed for air.

The room slowly started to feel as if it was spinning as I closed my eyes and got comfy underneath him. I opened them and looked into his light brown eyes, his lips only an inch from mine and he slowly closed that gap and again we were connected. My body was soon heating up and it seemed he was too, as he was no longer cold. The feeling of his hands moved down my body and slowly under my top. He fingers making small circles over my hip bones and over my stomach to my rib cage. I pulled back and looked down and then back at him kissing him again. His tongue glided over my tongue as his hands moved to my breasts.

“I can stop if you want me to,”he said while pulling away a little. His lips skimmed mine as he said it.

“It’s ok,” I said, kissing him and moaning into the kiss as I felt his hands start to rub and press down on my breasts. He pulled back and started to kiss down my neck.

---
**Logan**

The house was quiet which was surprising. My watch told me it was five O’clock so I wasn’t really planning on going to bed. I needed a shower and that was what I was going to do and probably leave earlier than I have
ever left the house. My brain couldn’t comprehend what I had done; saying those sorts of things to her was nasty of me. I had probably broken every promise I had made to her tonight which most likely meant she hated me more than ever. Which probably also meant I had just pushed her away from me to Brendan. Surprisingly I wasn’t that angry because it seemed he’d probably be better for her than I will ever be.

I was standing at the top of the stairs when I heard her bedroom door open, I walked into the room next to hers leaving the door open. I looked out to see Brendan walking out with his clothes and shutting the door while sighing. He put on his black jeans and buckled them up and then pulled a cigarette out and lit it up.

“I’m not the one you want to sleep with first,”he said quietly to himself. He then chuckled “that arsehole better thank me later all I’ve been doing is praising the shit out of him, I could have slept with her tonight only because I chose not to didn’t mean I didn’t want to,” he says. “Brendan, lack of sleep is making you insane, you're talking to yourself,” he said and shook his head as he walked towards the room I was in.

My eyes widened and I walked into the bathroom that was also connected to Carl’s room. I sigh in relief and walk into Carl’s bedroom, shutting the door behind me quietly. I looked at his bed to see him still asleep. I sigh in relief the last thing I needed was him making some perverted comment about me being in his room. I slowly made my way to his door trying my best not to make a noise. I knew I had reached the door but it was too dark to see. After searching with my hands I found the door handle and as I opened the door the light went on.

“Is this how it’s going to be? You sneak into my room and leave before I wake up. That's just charming Logan. I thought you were more of a gentle man,”he says.

“Shut up,” I say.

“You ravish me and now you’re rude to me that is just heartbreaking,”

“I never fucking touched you,” I said turning to look at him.

“So why am I naked and aroused?”

“Because you always sleep naked and you’re fucking touching yourself that’s why,” I snapped.

“Oh yeah,” he paused “sorry my bad go on I’m off back to doing my business,”

“You need fucking help,”

“Oh I don’t need help with that,” he said smiling.

“Carl you better stay out of my face for a few days,” I snapped and walked out of the room slamming the door shut.

That arsehole really did anger me to the point of wanting to commit murder. I took a deep breath and walked towards Megan’s room. I opened the door and quietly shut it. I looked to see the lamp on and she was fast asleep.

My whole body completely froze when I saw her clothes on the floor. Her box was on the bedside table along with the bottle of tequila which was now half empty. I walked towards her bed and sat down looking at the bottle and then turned to look at her to see she wasn’t naked, she had her bra on which was a relief. The love bite on her neck though didn’t put my mind to rest.

“Logan,” I heard her murmur. I looked at her to see her eyes were closed but her eyelashes were wet and she looked like she was about to cry. “No,” she said once more in the same murmur “please...don’t leave...please,” she said and the tears fell. I frowned; she was dreaming or more likely having a nightmare. “You...promised...don’t hurt...Logan,” she didn’t make sense. I pulled the covers up to see she was in her underwear and I got in next to her moving my arms around her waist.

“It’s ok,” I said to her, holding her tightly to me.

“Please...” she cried “Logan...don’t...leave...”

I hushed her as I held her hands in mine and lay next to her. I wasn’t going to wake her up because I knew she’d probably kick me out of her bed and never talk to me again. This was probably my last chance to ever be able to hold her like this with how today has gone.

“I...love...you...Logan...please...” she cried. My eyes widened and I looked down at her “please...” she seemed to be begging and crying. Did she mean what she just said, it was most likely the dream, you feel things for people you wouldn’t normally feel for them in dreams. Either way though it was nice to hear it from her even if it meant she didn’t mean it.

“I love you too,” I said quietly and kissed her shoulder and lay next to her trying to calm her down from what seemed to be a nightmare.