Chapter 179

**Sunday**

**Logan** 

Megan flips David over her shoulder and pins him with her foot. I raise an eyebrow at that. I’m not sure if that’s the first time she’s managed to beat him. She holds her hand out to him to help him up. 

Courtney and Chloe went home late yesterday, and I didn’t miss the reluctance from them both. I’d asked Chloe what was going on and she just said that home wasn’t great at the moment. That she’s looking into finding a place for her and Courtney but thinks it would be best after Courtney finishes highschool. 

“Sorry,” Megan says as he stands up. 

“No, you did that well, I wasn’t expecting it,” 

“Well, you’ve taught me well,” she says and reaches for her towel. She’s not lying. “I know by the way,” 

“Know what?” he asks. 

“That you and Logan are holding Jonathon in some warehouse,” 

“I see,” he says, sitting on one of the benches. 

“It did cross my mind afterwards that it was a test,”

“It wasn’t, it was our plan all along to get you to that warehouse so that you knew you weren’t actually in danger, Logan wanted it sooner rather than later because of your nightmares, but then you were never alone for it to happen,” he explains. 

“Ok, but are you proud that I managed to rugby tackle that huge guy,” 

“Yeah, I heard about that, made me very proud,” he says with a grin. “You broke his ribs,” 

“Good, the jerk,” 

“I was even more proud when you tackled Logan and held a knife to his throat, although your hand was shaking if you want someone to think you’re serious in your threats the shaky hand gives you away,” he explains.

“Sorry, I’ll remember next time I get kidnapped,” she mocks, making him laugh. 

“Good,” 

“What are you going to do with Jonathon?” she asks. I walk in and sit down next to her. She looks at me and gives me a small smile. 

“We don’t know, yet,” David says. 

“We will let you know when we do,” I say. She stands and pulls me up with her. 

“Can we go out somewhere today?” 

“I guess we could,” I try to think of a place we could go without being seen. If we stay in the city, we would have to make sure we didn’t look like a couple. 

“Or not,” she says and looks disappointed by that. 

“I’m trying to think of where we can go,” I say. “I want to take you out, but without getting caught. It’s a nice day, a load of people will be out,” 

“I get that, well we could just take Max for a walk,” 

“We’ll go out. I’ll find somewhere,” I promise and pull her in for a hug. 

“Don’t, I’m all sweaty,” she says and pulls away from me. I had a remark on the tip of my tongue, but I remember that David is still here. “Did you see I managed to get David on the mat?” she asks with a big smile. 

“I saw,” I say and look at David. “Are you becoming weak?” 

“She got lucky,” he says, making her frown at him.

\---

“So she’s not talking to you because of Brendan?” I ask Megan once everyone has left my classroom. 

“Yeah, she doesn’t like the idea that I slept with him,” 

“Join the club,” I mutter. Megan tilts her head at me as she sits on my desk. 

“Are you free now?” she asks.

“Yes,”

Yesterday I managed to get a booking at a restaurant with a private room. It cost a little more, but that wasn’t a problem. It was nice to have a regular date without the worry of being caught. We discussed me travelling to England. We settled on me going out first and her joining me in September so that she could spend summer with everyone. 

“I only have history,” she says and gives me a small smile. 

“No,” I firmly state. She grins and takes my tie in her hand. 

“Why not?” 

“Someone will catch us,” I stand up, “lunchtime,” I suggest. She pouts and lets go of my tie. 

“Fine, you’re no fun,” she huffs before getting off my desk and walking towards my door. 

“We’ll see what you say later,” I say with a small smirk. 

“Promises, promises,” she says, smiling at me as she walks out. I shake my head and turn to the stack of coursework I need to mark. She is one of the biggest and best distractions I have in my life.

After about ten minutes, my classroom door opens. I look to see Carl walk in. He shuts the door behind him. He makes his way to one of the desks and leans against it. 

“Hey,” he says. I give him a nod and carry on my marking. “You’re annoyed at me, I know. But how long are you going to not talk to me?” I put my pen down and look at him. “Are we still friends at least?” he asks. 

“Yes, I’m just pissed off with you, you know how I feel about her,” 

“I do, but you weren’t together,” 

“What does it matter?” I ask. “You wouldn’t like it if I slept with someone you love,” 

“I’m sorry,” he says. “Can we go back to normal?” 

“I just need time, you’re my brother, we’ll be ok,” I explain. 

“You’re back together now?” he asks, and I nod. “That’s good, so she told you how she feels,” 

“She told you?” 

“No, I could tell, I don’t know how you couldn’t,” he says 

“Where’ve you been for the past couple of days?” The truth is I was worried, he wasn’t home on Saturday when I woke up, and he didn’t come back Sunday. This is the first time I’ve seen him since Friday night. 

“Scott’s, I got laid on Friday obviously, and I went to Scott’s Saturday. Thought I’d stay out of your hair for a couple of days,” 

“Good, that you were at Scott’s,”

“Were you worried?” 

“Well, I don’t like it when we fight, just give me a couple of days,” 

“Ok,” he says and gets up. “I can’t wait for the make up sex,” he says with a grin. 

“I’ve had two days of makeup sex, sorry,” I say.

“I love makeup sex,” I chuckle at him, I can only agree. “Two days, you lucky bastard, I better get two days from you,” he says scowling. 

“I’ll speak to Megan, now get out so I can mark these papers,” I order. He nods and walks out of my classroom. I didn’t miss the smirk on his face; he knows I can’t stay angry at him. Our friendship means too much to me.  

\---

Megan

“I noticed Logan brought you today,” Sara says, and I know that is not the only thing she noticed. 

“He did,” 

“So you’re back together?” I nod in response. “How did that come about?” 

“I went to a party; he was there, it got to a point at the party that I wanted to go home, I’d drank too much and just wanted out. He helped me get my friends safe as somebody had spiked their drink; he then took me home. We argued, I told him I love him and the next thing I know we’re in my bedroom,” 

“You told him you love him,” I nod in response, “How do you feel after telling him?” 

“I’m not sure, I guess relieved, I was so scared to tell him. To have him know something that could potentially give him the tools to hurt me, it was terrifying,” I explain, “and difficult to accept,”

“What made you say it?” 

“I think it was him telling me he didn’t understand why I hated him, and I just wanted him to know that I didn’t hate him, I hated the fact I fell in love with him,

“Do you know why?” 

“What do you mean?” 

Do you know why you hate to love?” I shrug and look down. “Think about it for a bit,” 

I frown and look at my fingers. If I did think about it, there are probably numerous reasons. My fears being one of the biggest. When I think about all the thoughts that come into my mind nearly every day, I guess I could also boil it down to not feeling worthy of love. The things that Jonathon would do made me feel so dirty and unclean. It didn’t help that he would only tell me I was only worthy of his love. That no one would ever truly love me as he did. It made me question Logan’s feelings and in turn, sabotage what we have. 

“Because I’m not good enough to love,” 

“And,”

“And to love someone in return,” she gives me a small smile. I wipe my eyes and look down. “I guess I still think I’m dirty and unclean, Jonathan would tell me that no one will ever truly love me,” 

“None of that is true,” 

“I know it’s not, but it’s difficult to tell myself that all the time,”

“Well you need to start, your confidence is key. You have tried to stop yourself from feeling because of your own insecurities,” 

“I know,” 

“When you wake up on a morning, tell yourself just how good you are,” she tells me. 

“That’s weird,” I state, and she laughs. 

“I know it sounds weird, but telling yourself that you’re worthy of just being here is key to building your self-esteem,”  

“I’ll try it,” 

“That’s all I can ask,” she says to me. “So tell me what happened afterwards,”

“We had sex,” 

“I got that,” she says with a laugh. 

“A lot of sex,” 

“From what you have told me I’m not that surprised at Logan’s stamina,” 

“I know, I just wonder if I’m enough in that department,” I say, and she frowns. “He doesn’t do anything that makes me think I’m doing anything wrong, he says I make him want to have sex all the time, but I just wonder. I know he has some kinks; he mentioned how he wanted to tie me or blindfold me,” I explain.

“Do you like the idea of that?” she asks. 

“I’m not sure, I’ve heard of BDSM, but I don’t know much about it,” 

“Everything boils down to trust and consent, no matter what type of sex you’re having at the core of it that is what is needed for it to be enjoyable,” 

“I get that, but what if he wants to do that sort of stuff and I don’t like it,” 

“How do you feel about the idea of being tied up or blindfolded?” 

“Blindfolded I’m not so fussed about, being handcuffed is kind of a trigger,” 

“Interesting word,” 

“Well, Jonathon handcuffed me when he locked me in the cupboard,” I state. 

“I see, have you spoken to Logan about this?”

“No, we just got back together,”

“Fair point, but it is something you should discuss but only if it’s something you want to explore,” 

“I will,”

“Tell me about your relationship with Brett,”

“Non-existent,” 

“So it’s not any better?” 

The rest of my session, I discussed how I hadn’t even tried with Brett, it’s complicated. Every time I see him, I have this anger and upset come out of nowhere. I want to talk to him and tell him how everything makes me feel, but I can’t. It’s as if finding out that he’s my true father just made me so angry. I know I’m not mad at that, I just don’t know where all the emotions I’m feeling have come from, and I’m not sure how to deal with them. 

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