Chapter 192
**Megan**
Silence fills the room. Logan glares at Carl then at me. Now I know that he’s using again I can see it. He’s lost weight, his hair has lost its shine, there are dark circles under his eyes, and his skin has lost all pallor, it almost looks wax-like. This explains his mood swings, the paranoia and nose-bleeds. How did I miss all of this? I know how. I’ve been focusing on myself, and I’m selfish.
I look down at my feet and shake my head as I try my best to stop myself from crying.
“You knew she was standing there,” Logan snaps at Carl. He sounds so angry and erratic.
“Logan,” Lorraine chastises.
Carl makes his way towards me. I step away from both of them to then feel Max standing behind me.
“What? You want me to shut up, well I won’t. They’re screwing each other and making me look like the bad guy,”
“That’s not true, Megan, tell him,” Carl says, looking at me. I wipe my cheek as a tear falls. He’s on drugs and doesn’t think he needs help. He’s relapsed.
“H..how long have you been taking drugs?” I ask. Lorraine walks over to me and hugs me. How could he do this? Not to just me but himself.
“What the hell?” Logan snaps.
“You need to calm down,” Lorraine orders Logan. “You arrogant arsehole,” she makes me sit on the couch. I’ve never seen her angry.
“Lorraine,” David warns.
“No, David, he has been treating her like shit all week, and I’ve had enough,” she looks at Logan. “This girl is carrying your child, and all you can do is accuse her of cheating, you have been so self-centred you’ve not even noticed her being sick,” she yells at Logan. I look at Lorraine.
“How did you know?” I ask.
“I found the tests, my dear,” she then looks at David, “get her some water,”
“What are you talking about?” Logan asks. “What is she talking about?” he directs his question and anger to me. I sigh and take the scan out of my pocket to hold out to him. He walks over and snatches the scan from my hand. His fingers trail over it, and he kneels down to my level. “Is it mine?” I scowl at him.
“If you ask another stupid question so help me god I will beat you so hard you won’t be able to lie down in your deathbed,” Lorraine threatens. I smile a little, and David returns with a glass of water for me.
“Down girl,” David says with a small smirk and moves her away from me.
“Thank you,” I say to David and then turn my attention back to Logan, “Yes.”
“How long have you known?”
“Just short of two weeks, I’m going to be eight weeks come Saturday,”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I look down at my lap with that question. That question opens up so many others. I feel myself start to cry. Looking at him, I can see his eyes aren’t focusing.
“Are you high now?” I ask. He looks down at the sonogram and then nods. “Great, so you probably won’t even remember any of this,”
“I will, I just,”
“How long have you been using?”
“Since England,” he says. “My uncle took me to a strip club, and well he offered me some E, and I just thought a bit wouldn’t hurt,”
“That’s so long ago,” I say, and he nods.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I was scared, of so much, I mean whenever Jonathon found out he would just beat me so much harder and then there are the complications, and I’m only 18, and then all this week I’ve been trying to tell you, but you’ve just been so angry at me, and I just didn’t know what to say or do, plus I’ve had finals” I ramble. He hugs me; I pull away from him. “I’m not cheating on you, I’d never, Carl was with me in the hospital when I found out, he’s been trying to convince me to tell you ever since,” I look at Carl and he gives me a small smile. “He’s just been helping me talk through all these fears,” I explain.
Logan seems guilty, but I can kind of see his logic if he’s heard me leave and then Carl’s bedroom door. It is crappy that he thinks like that, though.
“I’m sorry,” he states and moves his hands into mine. He turns to look at David. “I can’t go to rehab, it’s easier to get drugs in rehab than it is out of rehab, we’ll do what we did last time,” I frown at him, and he looks at me. “I need to go cold turkey, if I go to rehab, I won’t get clean, and I need to for you,”
“Not just for me Logan,”
“And this little guy,” he says with a small smile on his face as he looks at the picture.
“No, for you, we’re just a perk,” I say, making him smile at me.
“You’re more than that,” he kisses me on the lips and then stands up.
“Bretts old room should do,” David says. “It’s the only free room that locks, I’d already nailed the windows shut the other day,” David states and we all look at him. “Well I was going to force you in there at some point,” he nonchalantly says.
“So if I ever get Taken I want David to be my Liam Neeson,” I say, trying to lift the air a little. Carl smirks, and I just know he’s going to come out with something so wrong. “No, whatever it is you’re about to say, no,” I snap at him. He pouts and looks away from me.
Logan pulls me up to my feet and holds me in his arms. “I need to talk to you,” he says, “privately,” he adds and pointedly looks around the room. Lorraine scowls at him and walks out of the room with David not far behind. Carl follows them.
I look up at Logan. His blue eyes look so bloodshot, there’s darkness around him, and his skin has lost colour. If anything he seems shattered like he’ hasn’t slept for days. He moves us so we can both sit down.
“You won’t see me for three days,”
“Ok,”
“I’m sorry,” and I see his eyes start to water. “I understand entirely if you don’t want to be with me anymore,”
“Logan,”
“Just hear me out, please. I knew what was going to happen when you came back here the other night with Jonathon; I knew he would come back to the house. I was high that night, and I was arrogant, I thought that I’d be able to get back to him. It turns out he’d hit me pretty hard; I collapsed in here when Carl and I walked through,” I take my hands out of his. He looks down at where my hands were. “I’ve screwed up, I put you and our unborn child in danger, I put the people in this house in danger, and I don’t know what else I can say or do to make it up to you,”
“Logan,” I say and move my hand to cup his cheek and make him look at me. My heart breaks to see him so broken. Tears fall down his cheeks, and it makes me want to cry. “Just get through this, that’s all you need to do because I need you Logan and our unborn child needs it’s dad,” I say looking him in the eyes. “I love you, and if you’re willing to get better, then I am going to stay by you,” I pull him into a hug and feel his arms wrap around me.
“I don’t deserve you,” he says into my neck.
“We both have our demons, Logan,” I say and pull away from him. He looks away from me, and it’s like he can’t look me in the eyes. I sigh and press my lips to his. Pulling away, I make him look at me. “Everything is going to be ok, I love you, and I’ll love you in three days,” I state to him. “Ok?”
“Yeah,” he says and looks back down. “I love you too, more than you’ll ever know,” he says, making me smile.
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