Chapter 61
--- Two weeks later—
**Megan**
I sigh and look at Logan. I was having my monthly check up with the doctors to check my physical state, to see if I was on track with my weight and surprise surprise I wasn’t. They also want to put me on stronger sleeping tablets.
“Megan you need to eat more than what you’re eating, are you drinking the milkshakes?” the grey haired man that looked like Hugh Hefner. He seriously did. I'm expecting a Pamela Anderson lookalike to walk in and drape herself all over him.
“Yes I am, they just get boring after a while,” I say.
“She takes all of her medication when she is supposed to,” Logan says.
“Well she has to eat as well as take the medication because it won’t work otherwise,” he explains “I know it’s hard but please do try because if you don’t you’ll have problems later on in life,” he said “it can stop you from doing certain things and experience lie events like having children,”
“I can’t have children anyway,” I said and fold my arms “so it won’t make a difference,”
“That’s not true,” he said while looking at my notes “your uterus is weak from the miscarriages which mean it will be difficult for you to carry a child for a full nine months. If you did become pregnant you will have difficulties throughout the pregnancy and will have to have caesarean to not weaken the uterus more but you have a good percentage of having children,” he explains.
“What are her percentages?” Logan asks.
“20% but that’s better than most there have been women who have had her condition and had as little as 5% and had children and with technology and new drugs coming out every day when she does think about having children her percentage may go up because from what I can tell from her results is that her uterus may become stronger with time as she isn’t fully grown. She’s only 17 and physically on the inside she will stop growing at the age of 20/21,” he informs.
I sigh and look away from them both.
“Don’t be discouraged though Megan you’re young and you have time on your side,”
“Woo for me,” I said quietly “is that it can I go?”
“Yeah,” he said standing up and sighing a little.
“I’ll wait in the car,” I said and walk out of the doctor’s office and walk past all the people waiting and out of the surgery.
Ok waiting in the car was a no because it was locked. I saw Logan’s face as the doctor told him the percentages, he looked heartbroken and when he told him about how technology and medicine was improving it just gave him some hope of me actually having children. The worst thing was that I hadn’t even thought about the future, I didn’t even see me and Logan having a future. I hadn’t looked into it, I hadn’t thought about the future for a while, it just wasn’t something I thought about.
Logan walks out of the surgery with my prescriptions in his hand and unlocks the car. I open the car door and climb in. He gets in and looks at me. I remain silent and put my seatbelt on.
“Are you ok?” he asks.
“Yeah I’m fine can we just go home?” I ask.
“Sure,” he says. I can tell by his tone he wants to talk about what was said but holding back.
“Is it ok if I go see Melanie once we’re home?” I ask.
“Yeah if you like,”
“Can I take the car?” I ask.
“Yeah,” he says.
“Thanks,” I said and fold me arms and get comfy.
I wasn’t going to see Melanie; I had something to do something I know he would disagree completely with. It would either cause an argument if I ask him about it or he’d demand he had to come with me. But I knew that I needed to do this on my own and that once I’ve done it I can move on with my life and probably take a step forward with Logan. Yes I felt guilty about lying to him but I wouldn’t be able to cope with another argument with him especially not now when it’s really good at the moment with me and him. I didn’t want my father becoming in between us any longer and seeing him for me would fix that. It may not for anyone else but I feel it would and after I’ll tell him the truth.
Sweat beaded on my head as I sat in the seat provided. I look at the glass that would separate me from my father. Letting out a breath I get comfy and look at my phone and put it on silent. A hand rests on my shoulder, I look to see a female officer stood over me.
“It’ll be ok,” she says.
“Is it just going to be him?” I ask.
“They’ll be a guard in there with him and I’ll be in here with you,” she says.
“Ok,” I say.
“You won’t know I’m here honestly,” she says. I nod and she walks off. I turn to the glass and hear a buzzing sound and then a door open.
I gulp and sit up straight as I hear his foot step’s. My eyes widen as I see him sit in the chair in front of me. He was dressed in white and looked a shadow of himself. He was frail and pale and his hair was longer. He looks at me and his eyes widen a little. He reaches for the phone and I do the same. I stop before putting it to my ear and look at it. I look at it in disgust and reach into my bag for a wipe and wipe the mouth and ear part and then put it to my ear. I’ve always being wary of public things like toilets and phones so doing this was normal for me.
“H...How are you?” he stutters out.
“Being worse,” I said quietly “you?” I ask.
“Same,” he said in the exact same tone as me. I gulp and look away from him and slowly move my hand to my eyes.
“I don’t understand why I’ve even come here,” I said out loud and move the phone out of my hand and place it on the counter. My hands move to my face and I groan and then pick the phone up again.
“I don’t either,” he says. I look at him “Because of what I’ve done I just don’t understand why you would want to see me,” he said
“I can’t have children,” I said suddenly. He looks at me more “I went to the doctors today and I can’t have children because of you which means my boyfriend may leave me soon once he realises that ever having children with me is next to impossible,” I explain.
“You’re back with Tyler?” he asks. I shake my head “The teacher?” he asks, My eyes widen and I look away “That’s good,” he pauses “I don’t know his name but he seems like a nice guy and that he’d really care for you,” he explains.
“Well I’m not with him,” I snap. “and I don’t need your approval,”
“I know I know you don’t, I was just saying what I saw when I did see him with you,” he says.
“Shut up,” I snap and he looks down and runs a hand through his hair.
“So no grandchildren?” he asks.
“That’s your fault,” I said and look away from him as a tear rolls down my cheek.
“I know that if I said sorry for everything it’s not going to change anything, you’re my daughter and I kept a secret from you and hurt you in ways I can’t even imagine. Even though it was a different person it was still me and my fault and I get why you hate me, I hate myself,” he says. I sigh and look down at my lap. “I am truly sorry and I hope to god I get every punishment they can give me,”
“I don’t,” I said quietly. “I want you to suffer knowing you haven’t been punished because I know how much you love justice that I hope that you don’t get what you want,” I say. “Because I’ve got permanent damage unlike you, I bet you sleep more than me and get through a day without feeling a bit of fear. There are a lot things I can’t do now because of you,” I snap “and I do hate you to the point that I can’t even recognize you as a father. You won’t ever have grandchildren and it’s not because of my condition but because you have no children to grant you a grandchild. I hope you rot in your own guilt,” I growl “because you’re getting no forgiveness from me,” I add and put the phone on its hook and stand. I grab my bag and walk towards the door. The guard gives me a smile and opens the door for me. She walks out behind me and I walk towards the visitor book.
“I couldn’t have done that,” she said standing next to the table the visitors log was on. I look at her “I’m serious I’ve faced the barrel of a gun and men twice my size but I would never have been able to do what you’ve just done,”
“To be truthful I had an urge to run out crying,” I say.
“But you didn’t that’s what makes you strong,” she says. I smile a little and put my bag on the scanner and walk through the metal detector and then pick up my bag once it comes out of the scanner.
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