Chapter 133: I can't lose you.
~Gwen's POV ~
When I saw Drogon fall along with Raphael, something snapped inside me. I didn't understand the panic and unusual pain that took over my heart.
I screamed just like Ava was screaming. She had pushed Anastasia away and ran to Raphael, holding him.
"My love, please, wake up." She was sobbing like there was no tomorrow.
I was too stunned to speak even when Anastasia kept calling to me. I didn't say anything. I was just looking at Drogon.
No...no...no... I walked to him. I knelt and gently cradled him in my arms. "Drogon," I called softly. "Are you alright?" I knew he wasn't alright but I needed the reassurance.
"Please say something. I beg you. I don't think I can take losing you again." I didn't know what I was saying, but I was just saying something. Anything at all. Just something. I needed him.
"Gwen, he is alright. Look at him, my love," Anastasia said gently, pointing to Drogon, who was trying to move his hands to signal me he was okay.
With Drogon in my lap, I leaned on Anastasia who was standing behind me and sobbed like my life depended on it.
"Ana, what's happening to me? Why was I so scared?"
It felt like I knew the feeling. Like I had lost him once. I didn't understand. I believed him when he said I was his mate. I believed him; I might have been Arabelle, but why did I still feel this way when I was already married and in love with Ana?
"It's alright, Gwen. I forbid you from feeling guilty. I am alright. I promise you." Anastasia took a deep breath. "Also, I am never leaving you, Gwen. You make me happy. I don't see myself with anyone else apart from you. We will find a way out of this and even if we are unable to, I will keep being here unless you say otherwise."
I looked at Anastasia and then finally slumped on her legs, resting on them while I gently patted Drogon's head.
Ava's sobs broke the moment. "Raphael, please, wake up. I beg you."
"He will be alright," Anastasia reassured her. "The ritual was successful. I don't feel his powers moving unbalanced around him anymore."
"Are you sure?" Her words were still slurred. Looks like the blood-drunk state was going to last a while.
"Yes, I am," Anastasia answered. "Although, you should get ready. Or perhaps find the king a concubine or something to satiate his sex hunger, if not, it would be dangerous." Ava recoiled at her words. I got offended and pinched Ana hard.
"Argh..." She glared at me and I did the same. She sighed, finally understanding. "The reason I say so is because of your body. You might not be able to take him. From what I have read in the old books in my father's library, the sacred beasts are sex-driven creatures. Now, you will be taking both, not just one. Since they have been split to have you during intimate periods."
"Oh." That's truly scary. "Enough of those talks," I interjected, seeing the fear in Ava's eyes. "Let's get these two men the rest they need." I looked at her. Somehow, in just months, Ava's life and mine had changed drastically.
I wondered if she still needed revenge or if she would let go. I decided to keep the questions for later.
"Thank you, Pumpkin." There was no sign that the intoxication was leaving anytime soon. Thank God, Drogon didn't drink blood. I would be a slurring mess just like Ava. But, sincerely, it was actually hot. Ughhh... What was I thinking?
"You are welcome, my love. Ana, could you get the servants?" She nodded and then left us.
"Since when?" Ava nodded towards Drogon.
"Two months ago." I knew she had a lot of questions. I had not spoken to Anastasia and I was just so happy she was truly understanding. "I promise, I will tell you everything as you will tell me too, right?"
She looked away when I said the last part. Her smile disappeared from her face. "There is nothing to talk about, pumpkin."
I decided not to push. "Whenever you're ready Ava. Did you notice that no one can bully me anymore? I am stronger and better and you are finally back. Mother Earth finally granted my wishes."
Her smile returned and it was so beautiful. I had missed her. I thought I would never see her again.
The servants came quickly with Ana leading them. They carefully lifted Drogon and Raphael, carrying them to their rooms. I wanted to follow Drogon right away, but Ana held me back gently.
"Let the healers work first," she whispered. "We can see them afterwards."
I nodded, too tired to argue. The whole thing had drained me completely. Ava wasn't as willing to wait. She followed Raphael, still stumbling from the blood-drunk state.
"Come, my love. Let's get you some tea," Ana said, leading me to our chambers.
Once we were alone, I broke down again. "Ana, I'm so sorry. I don't understand what's happening. When I saw him fall, it felt like my heart was being torn out."
Ana sat me down and knelt before me, taking my hands in hers. "Gwen, look at me."
I raised my eyes to meet hers, expecting anger. But there was only love.
"If what Drogon says is true, if you were his mate in another life, these feelings aren't your fault. The soul remembers what the mind forgets."
"But I love you," I insisted, tears falling again. "I chose you."
"And I know that. I feel your love every day." She wiped a tear from my cheek. "But fighting this connection will only hurt you more."
"What do we do now?" I asked, feeling completely lost.
"I don't know exactly. But we'll figure it out together. I'm not going anywhere."
I didn't deserve her understanding. "How can you be so calm about this?"
She smiled sadly. "Because I love you enough to want you to be whole. And if understanding this part of yourself is necessary, then I'll help you through it."
I fell into her arms, crying against her shoulder until I had no more tears left.
"You should rest," she said, helping me lie down. "I'll check on them and bring you news."
"Thank you," I whispered, suddenly exhausted. "Ana... I love you."
"I know, my heart. I know." She kissed my forehead and left the room quietly.
I tried to sleep but couldn't. My mind kept replaying the ritual, the moment Drogon collapsed, the strange words I'd spoken without thinking. I don't think I can take losing you again. Again. As if I had lost him before.
I didn't understand all these feelings rushing through me. Was I really Arabelle in another life? And if so, what did that mean for me now, and my marriage to Ana?
I wondered about Ava too. She had her own secrets, her own pain. I could see it in her eyes when I mentioned talking about her past.
Whatever did Alasia do to her? Would she ever heal? Will little fiesty friend ever be the same? All Ava does since her return is look but she was never really looking.
If only, I had been there that day.
But are in this together. Me, Ana, Ava, and now these the strange man who had turned our lives upside down. Whatever was coming next, at least we wouldn't face it alone.
With that thought, I finally drifted into an uneasy sleep, dreaming of wildflowers and moonlit lakes I'd never seen before and smiling me being swirled around in the arms of Drogon.
What a happy me.
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