Chapter 199: A second chance.
Ava's POV
Even as I left, I could still feel his gaze on me. His remorseful look, I had longed for him to return.
I had waited nights and days for him to return, and yet why do I still feel this way? Does he really need to prove himself? I know he had loved me, and yet his past mistakes against my people had been a setback to us.
The memory of that day still haunted me. When Raphael left in search for a cure for me. I had waited for him to return sooner but he didn't, his people turned their backs on me and they tried to kill me. I had to escape and now he had returned to claim me?
As I walked down the corridor, lost in my thoughts, I felt a tap. Filled with shock, I turned back to see Gwen.
"You seem to be pretty occupied lately, Ava. What could be the problem?" she asked.
I had wanted to tell her everything, my dilemma, my troubles, but yet what I could mutter was something utterly different from my thoughts.
"Oh nothing, Gwen."
"Ava, I have seen how you act these days, since they came back," she said, moving closer to place her hand on top of mine. "I know you have been having it rough with the people and all, but I think it has intensified since he came back, Ava."
The sudden urge to open up to her arose again, but I kept fighting it. I mustn't trouble her with my own issues. I could handle it all, but still I needed someone to talk to, someone to help share the burden.
"It's all fine," I said again.
Gwen wasn't one to back down. She had known me for so long. If anyone could see through my walls, it was her.
"I see the way you look at him, Ava. You know he isn't all that bad. It was a past mistake and he is willing to make up for it. How about you give him a chance?"
"I wish I could. I want to, but yet, my responsibility limits me. I am their Queen, Gwen. I love him. Each time I look at him, I want to hold his hand, but I'm scared. I have a responsibility to my people," I said without realizing it. Maybe I can open up to her.
She had always been my trusted friend. At least she should know of my feelings for him. She should know how much my feelings for him contrast with my responsibility to my people.
The words felt strange coming out of my mouth. For days, I had kept these feelings locked away, buried beneath layers of meetings upon meetings. But speaking them aloud made them real, made them impossible to ignore.
"I've seen him, Ava. He regrets his actions, this was a mistake done in the past. I saw him the other day at the memorial hall. I had never seen him like that before. He seems shattered from within."
The memorial hall. Of course he would go there. That's where we honored our lost ones, where their names were carved in stone for all to remember. The thought of Raphael standing there, alone with his guilt, made my heart ache.
However, that doesn't change what he did. I have seen parents still living and without their children. And the Mesodomica people hardly procreate. Imagine seeing the killer of your son, still alive and whole and even the mate of your queen. Isn't that a devastating state to be put in?
"I know. I know Gwen, but it's doesn't change the things he has done." I decide to change the topic. "Speaking of bonds, how are you feeling, Gwen? Do you still feel that mate heat with Drogon? How have things been you and him?"
I changed the subject partly to give myself a moment to breathe, but also because I genuinely cared about my friend's situation. Drogon and Gwen had their own complicated history, their own wounds to heal.
"We haven't spoken much though. I think he still needs time to adjust, and I need time to accept. For now I don't feel the heat anymore."
As we spoke, Gwen's kids came running toward her playfully. They were beautiful children, with their mother's gentle eyes and their father's features.
I couldn't help but admire her little girl, who had Gwen's bright smile.
"Help me! The monsters are chasing me!" Iris said, hiding behind Gwen's skirts.
"I will protect you from them, for I am the King of the wolves! Roar!" said the Ellis, puffing out his small chest and making fierce faces.
I watched as the little boy continued his game, chasing away imaginary monsters with wooden sword swings.
His innocence reminded me of a time when I too saw the world in such clear terms. Before I became Queen, before I was broken by Landon and family. Then I get tossed into all this.
"We all need a second chance, Ava. People change," Gwen's words brought me back to reality. "Give it some thought, Ava. I'll leave you for now, let me attend to my little ones."
She turned and left, gathering her children and leading them down the hall. Their laughter echoed off the stone walls, a sound of pure joy that seemed out of place in my troubled world.
Maybe she was right. I should give him a chance. I thought about this as I walked into my room, my footsteps slow. I thought about heading into the study room instead of my chambers.
Yet, I find myself going into my familiar space. My books were scattered on the reading table, as was the beddings. They were scattered. None of the maid will clean my room to make a statement since Raphael's return.
I let it go. Trying my best to be understanding of them. My mind goes to Raphael. I knew that if Maya was fully awake, it would have been more difficult to resist him.
The night was still cold. I fell on my bed with my clothes still on, too exhausted to change. Staring at the night sky through my window, I saw the same stars that had witnessed our first meeting, our first kiss, our first fight. They had seen it all, the joy and the heartbreak, the love and the loss.
As sleep began to claim me, I whispered a silent prayer to the moon goddess. Give me wisdom, I asked. Help me find a way to be both the Queen my people need and the woman my heart wants me to be. Help me decide if love is worth the risk of disappointing those who depend on me.
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