Chapter 200: I must not lose control.
Ava's POV
I woke up sweating, despite the bitting cold that surrounded me. The room was filled with ice, thick sheets of it covering every surface.
My mirrors were frozen solid, their surfaces turned into cloudy white walls. Ice crystals hung from the ceiling like deadly daggers, and frost covered my bed sheets where I had been sleeping moments before. My powers had started again.
I couldn't believe my eyes. I had done it again. The same thing had happened the previous time in the storage room when Gwen found me, and yet again, I had mysteriously unlocked these uncontrollable powers again.
The ice seemed to respond to my emotions, growing stronger when I felt fear, anger, or confusion. It was as if my very soul was freezing everything around me.
Each day I feared I might hurt someone unknowingly. What if someone had been in the room with me? What if Gwen's children had come to visit?
The thought of accidentally freezing another person, of watching the life drain from their eyes as ice consumed them, made my stomach turn. These powers were a curse, not a fucking gift. I just want Maya back and nothing else. Not these crazy powers.
My breath came out in visible puffs as I scanned the damage. My favorite books laid frozen on the floor, their pages brittle and solid iced.
Trembling, I went to check the door bolt. It was locked, thank the gods. I stumbled at one point, my bare feet slipping on the icy floor, but got back on my feet.
The cold bit through my nightgown, but strangely, it didn't affect me the way it should have. While everything around me was frozen, I remained warm, another sign of how unnatural these powers were.
I mustn't let anyone find out. Especially Raphael. If he knew about this dangerous side of me, would he still want to stay?
Would he still look at me with those loving eyes, or would he see me as a monster? The thought of losing him because of something I couldn't control made my chest tight with panic.
Grandma Lorraine would know what to do, but she hasn't returned yet. She was the only one who understood these powers, the only one who had taught me to control them. But now, with the stress of Raphael's return and my duties as Queen, the ice magic was breaking free again.
It took a whole two hours for me to stabilize myself. I worked methodically, using the meditation techniques Grandma Lorraine had taught me. I focused on warm memories, I began to melt the ice.
I started with the smaller pieces first, watching as they turned to water and then evaporated into steam. The larger sheets of ice on the walls required more concentration.
I had to be careful not to melt them too quickly, or the sudden rush of water would flood my room and alert the servants that something was wrong.
My muscles ached from the effort. Using magic always drained me, but controlling it while reversing its effects was twice as exhausting. Sweat beaded on my forehead despite the cold, and my hands shook from the strain.
I had just finished melting the last shred of ice from my room when I heard a knock on the door. My heart jumped into my throat. Has anyone seen the ice? Had they noticed the unusual cold coming from my chambers?
"Who is it?" I asked, trying to keep my voice steady.
"My Queen, Commander Clinton wants to discuss with you. He says it's urgent," replied the maidservant.
Relief flooded through me. This was about kingdom business, not my secret powers.
"I'll be there shortly."
I quickly checked the room one more time, making sure no trace of ice remained. The floor was wet, but I could explain that away as spilled water from my washbasin.
The cracks in the walls were harder to hide, but they were small enough that someone might think they were just signs of the old castle settling.
It took me fifteen minutes to get changed. I chose a formal gown in deep blue, one that would hide any signs of my ordeal. My hands were still shaking slightly as I braided my hair, but I forced them to be steady. A Queen could not show weakness, especially not now.
I went down to the hall to meet with Commander Clinton. He was a man in his fifties, with silver hair and battle scars that spoke of years defending our kingdom. From his gaze, I could tell something was wrong. He tried to hide it, but his worry was visible on his weathered face.
"What is it? What is wrong?" I asked him with all the curiosity and authority I could manage.
"Lystra, My Queen," he replied, his voice grim.
"What about them?" My blood ran cold. Lystra had been our enemy for generations, ever since the great war that had split our lands.
Falling on his knees, he said, "Forgive me, My Queen. For the past four days, Lystra's army has been gathering around our border. At first, I thought they were just there to keep us in check, but each day their numbers increased. Just last night, we received news that they've attacked the village at the entrance of our kingdom, My Queen."
I couldn't believe my ears. As if having internal struggles wasn't enough, the gods had decided to add more trauma to my plate.
Lystra had started its long-awaited war. The village he spoke of was home to peaceful farmers and their families. These were innocent people who had nothing to do with the old conflicts between our kingdoms.
"How many casualties?" I asked, dreading the answer.
"Twelve dead, My Queen. Mostly men who tried to defend their homes. The women and children were taken as prisoners."
My heart broke for those families. The ice magic stirred within me again, responding to my anger, but I forced it down. I could not let my emotions control me, not now when my people needed me most.
"They have a troop of more than 20,000 soldiers at the border currently. We must act fast, My Queen," he said firmly.
I was aware of the urgency. Our own army numbered only 15,000, and many of them were still recovering from recent attack. But I must take action to let them know we would not be intimidated. I had to protect my people, who had just found their way to peace after so many years of hardship.
"Stand up," I commanded. "We must pay them back what they gave us a hundredfold."
I stood up, my mind already racing with battle plans. I would need to dress for war and leave for the border immediately.
I must send them a message they would never forget. As I walked toward my chambers to prepare, I felt the ice magic prickling beneath my skin. I must not lose control.
I must not lose control. I inhaled in and out and rushed into my bed chambers to lose myself if need be.
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