Chapter 187: You are perfect.
~ Ava's POV~
Something was wrong with me. Really wrong. I knew it, I can feel it but I keep ignoring it. It was the only go carry on and not look weak.
After all, these people were looking for a way to tear me down so given them an opportunity or gateway would be to my own detriment.
I pressed my back against the cold stone wall of the study room, trying to control the shaking in my hands.
Ice crystals were forming on my fingertips again, spreading up my arms like some kind of disease. The air around me grew colder by the minute, and I could see my breath in little white puffs.
This wasn't normal. None of this was normal. I have tried reading all the books I know about magic to help decipher what's wrong with me, but I have gotten nothing.
Three days. That's how long Grandmother had been gone, saying she had business to take care of. Three days I'd been ruling this kingdom alone while my body fell apart. And my twenty-fifth birthday was coming up fast, maybe that's why everything was going to hell.
It was probably a sign that I wasn't cut out to be a ruler. I don't blame the Mesodomica people for wanting someone else as their ruler. I look back at my palm remembering that day, I realized I could use ice.
I remembered when I first woke up from the rift three years ago, how I could only use ice. And I couldn't connect to my wolf maya. Simple, clean ice magic that did what I wanted it to do. But now? Now everything was chaos.
Yesterday I walked past the garden and every flower withered and died at my feet. The gardeners found them brown and rotting in the morning. But when I walked back through an hour later, they all came back to life. Bloomed brighter than before, like nothing had happened.
The kitchen maids saw it. Of course they saw it. They always peeping fo see something to talk about.
Now they whispered in corners, shooting me looks when they thought I wasn't watching. I heard bits and pieces.
"unnatural," "cursed," "just like before." Their voices followed me through the halls like ghosts, reminding me too much of Blackstone pack. Of the way they used to talk about me there, like I was some kind of monster. It never ends or stop how they treat me.
So I'd locked myself in here. Two days now, hiding in the study room like a coward. I kept telling myself I'd check on Gwen later, make sure she was okay. But I was too scared. What if I hurt her? What if whatever was wrong with me spread to her too?
The door handle rattled, and I curled up tighter in the corner.
"Go away," I called out, my voice cracking. Ice was spreading across the floor now, creeping out from where I sat like a frozen spider web.
But the door opened anyway, and Anastasia stepped inside. Her breath came out in a sharp puff as the cold hit her, and I saw her eyes go wide as she took in the room.
Everything was covered in frost. The books, the desk, even the walls had a thin layer of ice coating them. It hadn't gotten this bad yesterday. It grew worse today.
"Ava?" She rushed deeper into the room, her boots sounding on the frozen floor. "Are you alright?"
I was hunched up in the far corner, trembling so hard my teeth chattered. Not from cold, the ice never bothered me. But from fear. From the sick certainty that I was losing control of everything.
"I'm fine," I lied, not looking at her. "Just leave, please."
"No." Anastasia took another step closer, and I could see her shivering now. "Something's wrong. Tell me what's happening."
"I said leave!" The words exploded out of me, and more ice shot across the room. It climbed up the walls and covered the ceiling, turning the whole study into some kind of frozen cave.
But Anastasia didn't run. She just stood there, wrapping her arms around herself but not backing down.
"I'm not leaving you like this," she said firmly. "Talk to me."
"You don't understand," I snapped, ice crystals forming in the air between us. "You need to go before I hurt you."
"You won't hurt me."
"You don't know that!" My voice broke, and suddenly I was crying. The tears felt hot on my frozen cheeks. "I don't know what's happening to me. I can't control it anymore. Everything I touch either dies or comes back wrong. The maids are talking, saying I'm cursed, and maybe they're right."
Anastasia knelt down in front of me, ignoring the ice spreading toward her knees. "You're not cursed."
"You saw what happened to the flowers. You saw what I did to this room." I gestured at the frozen wasteland around us. "This isn't normal, Anastasia. I'm not normal."
"So what? Since when have any of us been normal?" She reached out like she wanted to touch my hand, then stopped when she saw the ice coating my skin. "We'll figure it out. Together."
I shook my head, pulling back further into the corner. "I can't risk it. What if I hurt Gwen? What if I hurt you? What if the whole kingdom suffers because I can't control myself?"
"Then we'll find a way to help you control it."
"And if we can't?"
Anastasia was quiet for a long moment, her breath coming out in white puffs. Finally, she said, "Then we'll deal with that too. But I'm not leaving you to face this alone."
I wanted to argue more, to make her understand how dangerous this was. But I was so tired. Tired of hiding, tired of being scared, tired of carrying this burden by myself.
"I'm scared," I whispered, the words barely audible. "I'm trying to protect everyone, but I don't know how. I don't know what's wrong with me or what I am doing,"
The words finally left my mouth before I could stop them. Lorraine had said, queens must not cry or less, her people would see her as weak and unfit to rule them.
" I wish I was better. I think most times, I am jealous of Norelle. She knew how to deal and fix everything, but me..."
" You are Ava and you are perfect."
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