Chapter 52: Would I lose her?
Raphael's POV
No matter how much I called out to her, Ava wouldn’t open her door to let me in.
My heart pounded harder with every passing second. Something was wrong, I could feel it in my bones. Panic clawed at my chest, and I couldn’t afford to wait any longer. The servants lingering nearby with concerned glances only added to my frustration. I waved them away, dismissing their presence. I needed to be alone to sort out whatever was happening inside.
I focused my energy, summoning the magic that hummed beneath my skin. The lock clicked, the door creaking open as my power forced it aside. Lycans have different abilities. Being a royal means I have a lot of them that are hidden from my subjects.
'If anything happens to her, I will kill everyone,' Grey hissed in my mind, his voice venomous and deadly. His words sent a cold chill down my spine, not because they were shocking, but because I knew he meant them. He was capable of it, of unleashing devastation without remorse. And at that moment, I couldn’t disagree either because I supported him.
The thought of losing her… it was unbearable. The feeling of finally having a mate, someone to protect and, if necessary, set the entire world on fire for, without an ounce of remorse, as long as it meant her happiness, was something I could never allow myself to lose.
I wouldn't lose her, not after everything I had endured to find her. The goddess wouldn’t be so cruel as to take her away now… would she?
I stepped inside the room cautiously, my senses on high alert. Ava stood in the center of the room, frozen, her body rigid as though she were a statue. Her eyes were distant, unfocused, and her lips moved ever so slightly.
"No, no, goddess… no," she whispered repeatedly, her voice fragile and trembling.
An icy wave of fear gripped my chest, tightening like a vice. What was happening to her? I’d heard her talking to herself before, but this… this was different. Her despair was palpable, seeping into the air like a poison.
My gaze darted around the room. Was someone else here? Had someone harmed her? I sniffed the air, searching for a trace of anyone’s scent. Nothing. The only scent I could detect was hers, faintly mingled with the saltiness of tears.
“Ava,” I called softly, taking a step closer. “Are you alright?”
Her gaze flickered at mine, and in an instant, I crossed the distance between us. My arms wrapped around her before I could stop myself, holding her tightly. I was terrified that if I let go, she might disappear.
She blinked, her eyes finally focusing on me. Her voice was faint, but her words pierced through me like a dagger. “Am I your mate?”
I froze. My heart stopped, and every thought in my mind came to a halt. How had she found out? I had planned to tell her… eventually. Slowly. Carefully. Easing her into the truth, not like this, not when she was vulnerable and scared, everything still fresh in her mind.
But now, the secret was out.
My mind raced. What if she rejected me? The way she had rejected Landon? I could survive anything but that. The thought of losing her… it wasn’t just painful. It was unimaginable.
“You’re not answering me,” she said, her voice sharper now. Her brows furrowed, and I could see the storm brewing in her eyes. “That means I’m right, doesn’t it?”
My silence was damning, and I knew it. Words failed me as I struggled to find something, anything, to say that might ease her distress.
“Can we sit first?” I finally managed, my voice shaky, unfamiliar even to my own ears.
She stared at me, her expression unreadable. For a moment, I thought she might refuse, but then she gave the faintest nod.
I guided her toward the edge of the bed, though my legs felt like they might give out beneath me. Fear surged through me, more intense than anything I had ever felt, even more than the day I had my first shift. Grey was huge, so it hadn't been easy on my body, yet nothing compared to the raw terror of losing her.
But Ava didn’t sit. She stopped midway and turned to face me. “Since you’re not denying it, that means I’m correct,” she said again, her voice breaking slightly.
Her eyes brimmed with sadness, and the sight tore me apart.
'Goddess, please,' I prayed silently. 'Help me. I’ll do anything. Just don’t let me lose her.'
“I wanted to tell you,” I began, my voice barely audible. “I swear, Ava. I wanted to tell you, but… I didn’t know how to... I was scared..."
“Scared of what?” she interrupted, her tone sharp. “Scared I’d reject you? Scared I’d hate you?”
“Yes,” I admitted, the word spilling out before I could stop it. “I was scared of all of that. But most of all, I was scared of hurting you. Of putting you in a situation you weren’t ready for. I didn’t want to add more chaos to your life, Ava. I thought I was protecting you.”
Her expression shifted, her anger softening just slightly. But the sadness remained, lingering like a shadow.
“You don’t get to decide what I can handle,” she said quietly. “You don’t get to make that choice for me, Raphael. That’s not protection. That’s control.”
Her words hit me like a physical blow, and for a moment, I couldn’t breathe. She was right. She was so right.
“I’m sorry,” I said, my voice breaking. “I never meant to hurt you. I just… I can’t lose you. Please, Ava. Give me a chance to fix this. To prove that I....”
“I need time,” she said suddenly, cutting me off.
The words hung in the air, heavy with finality.
Time. It wasn’t a rejection, but it wasn’t acceptance either. My chest ached with the weight of her decision, but I nodded.
“Take all the time you need,” I said softly. “I’ll be here. Always.”
She turned away, sitting down on the bed with her hands clasped tightly in her lap. She didn’t say anything else, and I didn’t dare push her.
I stood there for a long moment, watching her. She didn’t cry and she didn't speak. I tried reading her mind, but it was blanked, completely blanked.
Would I lose her?
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