Chapter 97: I don't know what to do.
Raphael’s POV
The world was too quiet. I stood in nothingness, surrounded by darkness. The darkness was almost suffocating as though I was drowning, leaving only an empty void.
Then, I hear soft fragile whisper. A familiar voice, I have been yearning to hear for the past six months. I turned sharply, and I saw her. My Ava.
My eyes greedily drank her in. She looked so sad. So sad, that I wanted to embrace her and take all of her sadness.
She stood a few feet away, her form barely visible by a light that seemed to come from nowhere. Her blue eyes shines, but not with their usual fire. They looked clouded with sorrow, with hesitation, with fear and something I had never seen in her.
She was crying. My chest tightened painfully as I took a step forward, my voice rough with desperation.
“Ava?”
She shook her head, arms wrapping around herself as if trying to hold herself together.
“I don’t know what to do,” she whispered. Her voice was thick with unshed tears. “Even after everything, even after knowing what you did to my people, my heart still… still wants you.”
I froze.
Her words stopped me. I couldn't go forward to hold her. I just stood still. Scared, she was finally seeing me as a monster. I don't know what I had expected, but her rage, her hatred, her accusations would have been better than the look on her face.
“Ava...”
“I hate myself for it.” A sob escaped her lips, raw and broken. “I should hate you. I do hate you. But my body doesn’t listen. My heart doesn’t listen. Even after knowing the truth, I still feel...” Her voice cracked, and she buried her face in her hands.
What truth? Which one of them? I wanted to know. I have done so many bad things that I couldn't even account for. Goddess, what's this now?
I reached for her without thinking, closing the distance between us, unable to bear seeing her cry and look so lost and dejected.
“Ava, what's wrong?”
She flinched at first but didn’t pull away as I cupped her face, forcing her to look at me. Her skin was warm beneath my touch, trembling with barely restrained emotion. My thumb brush away her tears.
“I love you.” My voice was hoarse, aching. “I love you, Ava. Nothing...nothing...will ever change that.” I love you more words can express and even if you decide to hate me and leave me, I will still love you.
Those were the words to I wanted to say but none came out.
She inhaled sharply, her hands gripping my wrists. “Then why?” she choked. “Why did you do it? Why did you kill them?” I have killed so many that I can't account for? So who are the they?
I could feel the pain in every word, in the way her voice broke, in the way she gripped my hands. Her eyes says she still wanted me.
I exhaled slowly, pressing my forehead against hers. I began admitting to what I know not. “Because I am a monster,” I admitted.
“Because I am blinded by blood, by power, by rage. I have no excuse, Ava. But if I could take it back and bring the people I have taken their lives back, I would. If I could give you back what I stole, I would.” I don't know what I am giving back but I was willing to do it.
My fingers wrapped around her waist, pulling her closer. “But I can’t. And I won’t lie to you. I would do anything...anything...to keep you safe. Even if it meant burning down the world all over again.”
There are some lives I took that I regret but the ones that dared hurt her, I don't regret. I would do it all over again.
She trembled in my arms, her breath coming in uneven slow breaths. “I don’t know how to forgive you,” she whispered.
“Then don’t.” I pressed a kiss against her forehead, then another along her jaw. “Hate me if you must. But don’t leave me. Come back to me.”
She shivered beneath my touch. “I want to stay,” she admitted. “But I can’t. I’m trapped.”
Her words sent a chill through me. “Trapped?”
She nodded, her fingers digging into my shoulders. “I don’t know how to return to you. But, I want to.”
A sense of dread filled my stomach, but I refused to let it take hold. Instead, I tilted her chin up, my lips grazing over hers. “Then let me hold you, just for tonight.” I don't know what I am asking but I just want to hold her.
She hesitated for only a moment before her lips met mine. And just like that, the world around us toned out. It all faded, replaced by the only thing that had ever mattered to me.
Ava. She has been my everything since the day I met her.
She melted against me, her body pressing into mine, soft and warm and desperate. I groaned into her mouth, my hands sliding down her back, tracing the delicate curve of her spine.
She gasped as my fingers skimmed the bare skin of her waist, her hands fisting into my shirt.
I deepened the kiss, tasting her, claiming her. She moaned softly as I nipped at her lower lip, my grip tightening around her.
All I could think of, was 'she was mine.' She had always been mine.
Her breath hitched as I pressed her against me, our bodies flush. My hands roamed over her, memorizing every inch, every tremor, every response.
She leans into me when my lips trailed down her neck, when my teeth scraped against her collarbone.
“Raphael…” she whispered, her voice trembling.
I growled, lifting her effortlessly into my arms. She wrapped her legs around my waist as I carried her, my lips never leaving hers. The void inside me didn’t matter. Nothing mattered but this. Nothing mattered but her.
I laid her down, my body covering hers. Her eyes half-lidded with need. I took my time, savoring her, worshiping her. As my lips traced every inch of her, my hands following, leaving a path of fire in their wake.
She gasped as I spread her legs and my tongue found her sweet nectar. Goddess, I have missed her taste.
"Mmm... Raphael..." I missed my name in her mouth. I miss her and I showed her with my tongue. I plunge my tongue into her tight little cunt as she writhe under me.
" I have missed you, little one. Your taste, your smile, your laughter and even your moans." I lick from slick folds back to her clit.
" Goddess, Raphael... Ahh~~~" those sounds. They were music to my ears. I slip my finger inside to see her ready she was.
Fuck. She was tight. And every self-control in me snapped. " Little one, I can't wait." I position myself between her entrance.
" Spread your legs, little eye." The second she did, I sink into her warmth. It was divine. Perfection can't begin to express.
" I like how you are gripping me," I croaked out. " I missed you, Ava. Come back to me," I trail kisses on neckline and ears.
She trembled beneath me, her cries muffled against my skin as she shattered, and I followed, holding her close, pressing kisses against her temple, her cheek, her lips.
We lay tangled together, our breaths mingling, our bodies still locked together. I pressed a lingering kiss to her forehead, unwilling to let her go.
But then, her fingers curled against my chest. Her voice was soft. Distant.
“Raphael…”
"Hmm."
“The people of Mesodomica…” Her voice wavered. “What happened to them?” I stilled. My heart pounded.
“Ava, why...?”
But before I could finish, she was gone.
I woke up with a sharp gasp, my body drenched in sweat, my chest heaving. My hand shot out, reaching for her, only to grasp at empty sheets.
She was never here.
It was a dream.
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