Chapter 139: Did you swallow all the pills?
~Gwen's POV~
The door closed behind me with a soft click as I left Ava's chamber. My heart raced with a mix of fear and excitement.
I hurried down the hallway, nodding quickly to the palace guards who stood watching.
My mind flashed to my dreams of last night about her. Arabelle. Queen of witches. How could I be someone I could not even remember properly? Yet the bits that came back felt familiar.
The tingling began halfway to my room. A warm flush spread across my skin. I walked faster, ignoring the curious looks from servants passing by.
Not now. Please, not now.
By the time I reached my door, my hands shook so badly I struggled to open it. The heat was growing faster this time, moving under my skin like raw fire.
Finally I pushed the door open and stumbled inside, closing it hard behind me.
I leaned against the cool wood, breathing hard. These mini-heats had been coming more often, getting stronger.
I rushed to my bedside table, knocking over a vase in my hurry. Water spilled across the smooth surface, but I did not care. My fingers closed around the small crystal bottle, I shook it and realized it was empty.
"No," I whispered, turning it upside down as if that might make more of the red liquid appear. "No, no, no."
The last dose I had taken was yesterday morning. I had been taking them too quickly, hoping that if they ran out, Drogon would be forced to come to me. A foolish plan, and now I was paying the price.
A sob escaped my lips as I sank to the floor, the empty bottle held tight in my palm. The heat was becoming too much now, my skin so sensitive that even my light dress hurt.
Without Drogon's blood pill and touch to ease the pain, I knew what would come next, the burning pain, the confusion, maybe even passing out. How could I help Ava if I could not even stand?
Focus, Gwen. Focus.
I forced myself to my feet and walked to the water basin. The cool water brought brief relief as I splashed it on my face and neck.
The mirror showed a woman I hardly knew, red cheeks, wide green pupils, white strands starting to show in my auburn hair. Another sign of the change happening inside me.
I needed to get ready for our trip. If I kept moving, maybe I could stay ahead of the pain.
I grabbed a leather bag from my table and began filling it with things I needed. A spare gown, a warm cloak, dried fruit and nuts wrapped in cloth.
My fingers found the small knife I kept hidden under my clothes, a gift from Drogon when threats against the palace had grown. It was funny that I might now use it to protect myself on a journey he would surely forbid.
The knife handle felt cool against my burning palm. I put it into the bag along with a small pouch of coins and a water skin.
I was almost ready when the door swung open. I turned around quickly, reaching for the knife, only to find Anastasia standing in the doorway.
"Gwen!" she called, her face brightening. "Where have you been? I have been looking for you."
I quickly pushed the bag under a shawl on my bed. "Have you? I went to meet up with Ava. What's happening?"
"Nothing much, I just missed you and I wanted to see your face." She smiled, closing the door behind her. "Come here, my love."
I moved toward her slowly, fighting the urge to rub myself against her coolness. The heat under my skin came in waves now, and being near anyone only made the feeling worse.
I held myself stiff, afraid that even the lightest touch might break my control.
Anastasia looked closely at my face, worried. "Gwen, are you all right? Your face is red."
"Hmm. I am fine, Ana. You do not have to worry." The words came out breathless, rough.
"Is it the heat?" she asked, concern making lines around her eyes.
I looked away, unable to meet her searching gaze, but nodded anyway. When I turned back, Anastasia's face had gone pale.
"What do we do?" Her calm manner fell away. "He is not around. What about the pills? I cannot bear to see you in pain. What do I do?"
I watched as my husband, always so calm and composed, began pacing back and forth. Her hands moved uselessly at her sides. The sight might have been funny if things were not so bad.
"I do not understand..." Anastasia stopped pacing to face me. "Those pills were meant to last you awhile, Gwen. What did you do? Did you swallow all of them at once?"
"Yes," I lied. "I wanted to feel nothing." I turned away again, afraid she would see I was not telling the truth.
"Gods. What do we do? I do not want to see you in pain." Real worry filled Anastasia's voice.
I took a deep breath, trying to sound more sure than I felt. "You do not worry. Come along. Join us, we are going to Nohte capital."
"What for?" Confusion replaced worry in her eyes.
"To see a fairy. We heard she might know what happened to Ava's wolf."
Anastasia stiffened. "But the king said we must not leave the palace. If we do, we might be putting Ava at risk."
"Yes, that is true." I reached for her hand, needing her to understand. "But if we do not follow her, trust me, she would go alone."
"This is a bad idea," Ana said, but I could see her giving in.
I sat on the edge of the bed, the movement sending fresh waves of heat through my body. "Maybe. But what choice do we have? Ava feels trapped here, and truthfully, so do I."
Anastasia knelt before me, taking my hands in hers. The kindness in her touch almost broke me. "And what of your condition? If Drogon is not here to help, and the pills are gone..."
I closed my eyes briefly, fighting back tears. "I do not know. But perhaps in Nohte we might find help for me as well. The old woman is said to know many things."
"Or you could get worse," she said. "Each episode has been stronger than the last."
She was right. The bond was growing, demanding to be completed with more and more force. Drogon had warned me that fighting it would only make the symptoms worse.
"I have to try," I whispered. "I cannot live like this, Ana. Caught between who I was and who I am becoming. Between you and him."
Understanding showed in her eyes. "This is not just about helping Ava, is it?"
I shook my head. "No. I need answers too."
Anastasia rose and moved to the window, her shape outlined by the fading daylight. I could almost see the thoughts moving behind her calm face.
"If we do this," she finally said, turning back to me, "we do it properly. No sneaking out like thieves in the night. We take guards, dressed in plain clothes if needed, and proper food and supplies."
Relief flooded through me. "Ava will not be happy with this."
"Ava will have to compromise if she wants our help." Anastasia's voice grew firm. "I will not risk your safety or hers on a foolish trip without protection."
"Alright. We leave at midnight." She nods and begins walking out. She pauses and turns towards me.
"Gwen?"
"Hmm."
"No more secrets." She doesn't wait for my reply and then she leaves.