Chapter Twelve

I woke up feeling worse than I did going to bed. My whole body was sore and ached and I had a migraine. Cullen got me some medicine and water to help, immediately after I woke up. He seemed extra chirpy and determined this morning but I was too stressed to talk, especially after what he said to me last night. I did not know where we stood or how to act and I just wanted to go back home to my parents. He insisted on making me dinner which I forced down my throat as much as I could and then he took me back home.
He had already checked and everyone thought I was sleeping in his room at their house so we sneaked into the garage, in the kitchen and then the living room. There were shouts from upstairs that got me worried as Cullen ran upstairs he told me to get home safe with a kiss on my forehead that I tried to refuse but couldn’t. I ran on home and straight to my room wondering what the commotion at the Cinnatis was about and I had a feeling it had everything to do with me. I was in big trouble and I was going out of my mind. My life was over; I can’t face my parents and see the disappointment in their eyes. The Cinnatis and Cyrus, everyone was going to find out about this. How the mighty have fallen, my family will be disgraced. I will probably be shunned or worse since I put the peace treaty with Bratva in jeopardy. I know there is a presentation of sheets the morning after the wedding and when the Bratva find out we lied to them it will be an insult and the treaty would die a bloody death. I have put the family at risk, they would probably decide to kill me with the shame I put on my family’s name. Dear God.
I stay in my room and there is a knock at my door, I know it’s my mother and I get the fear that she has heard about what happen last night. I can’t face her right now and I don’t see a way out of this
“Honey, I am so sorry and I know you’re mad at me but there is nothing I could have done to stop and I didn’t want to tell you because I knew it would ruin your big day. You were so excited about it and it was such a big deal I knew if I told you I would ruin it for you. Please open the door so we can talk” my mom says through the door.
Well they don’t know yet. They still think I am mad because of my upcoming engagement or marriage I don’t know. She continues knocking and I continue ignoring her until she leaves. Maybe Cullen has a plan and I should call him and hear what he has to say, he always knows how to calm me down. I call him four times and the third time he actually hangs up on me, that’s when I realize that I am on my own and a crazy idea comes to me. I won’t be the first and it has happened a few times too, they say it is the weak way out but it will solve all my problems. The family will be safe they would have to have a replacement but still the treaty will be safe. My family name and my pride will be safe and no one will ever find out what happened last night and how impure I was.
First things first, I write my suicide letter. I tell my parents how much I love them and how I am so sorry for all the pain I will cause them with what I did. I say goodbye to the Cinnatis, Cullen and Cyrus. Then I tell them that I am too weak and I can’t get married to the Russian murderer and apologize for letting them down. I think that’s a reason enough and every one will buy it. Second thing first, I go to my mother’s room and snatch a bottle of pills and get back to my room with some water.
I sit on my bed with the curtains open with the letter and the pills scattered in front of me but I can’t seem to be able to actually do it. I know it will solve everyone’s problem but I just can’t be able to actually take the pills. I always saw myself as strong and smart, this doesn’t seem to be a smart way out and it will kill my parents. I know I am very important to them and dad wouldn’t have made that contract if he thought I would be in danger, and my mom always wanted more kids, so what will happen when she loses the only one she has now? I can’t do this.
Betrayed by Desire
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