Start Thinking
SARAH
Later that evening, after everything that had happened, I sat down for dinner with my dad. The house was quiet except for the sound of cutlery clinking against plates. Despite the chaos of the day, I'd already made a decision. This thing with Cullen, these stolen moments and phone calls....it wasn’t going to work long-term. Sneaking around and whispering behind my father's back? That wasn’t a future. I wanted more.
“How are you feeling?” my dad asked the moment I took my seat across from him.
“I’m feeling okay,” I said, shrugging slightly. “Maybe it was just nausea. From not being outside for such a long time.”
He laughed at that, one of those rare, genuine laughs that made his eyes crinkle. It was one of the reasons I loved him so deeply, despite everything. The protectiveness, the paranoia… the control. And for a second, I couldn’t help but smile back.
As we were about to finish our desserts, I knew I had to go for it.
“Dad?” I called.
He looked at me, and I saw it instantly, the way his expression shifted, like he already knew where the conversation was headed.
“Something on your mind?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said. “I wanted to talk to you about university.”
“Oh,” he said, the surprise softening his face. “That’s good. Why don’t we go talk in the family room?”
“Yes, Dad,” I replied, following him out of the dining area and into the warm, lived-in comfort of the family room. We both sat, facing each other.
“So?” he asked. “What did you decide?”
“Yes,” I said slowly, nervously. “I want to go to university. I’m still struggling a little with a major... but I want to study. And I’m sure that I want to go.”
“That’s good. Fantastic,” he said with a nod. “And regarding what you're going to study, I think you'd better decide fast, classes are about to begin in two weeks.”
“Isn’t that too late?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.
He laughed again, like I’d just told him the most innocent joke. “Oh, you're so funny. Even if it were tomorrow, if I wanted you to study there, you would.”
I laughed too, because... well, of course. This was my father. If he wanted something done, the world moved.
He leaned forward now, fully engaged. “Ryan has already applied and he’s already been accepted.”
I snorted. Of course, he has. Why wouldn’t they accept him after what he’s said?
He chuckled at the look on my face.
“Just so you know, your brother wanted to apply anonymously. He wanted to prove himself, whatever that means. He always had this desire to prove he was more than what he was born into.”
I smiled, despite myself. But the truth was, I didn’t know Ryan. Not really. To me, he was always the quiet brother, the one who never gave a damn about me. Never said anything cruel. But never said anything at all. Just watched. Cold. Silent. Distant.
And now my dad was saying, “Since you’re going to be going with Ryan, and you’ve been estranged for too long, I think it’s high time you got used to each other. Or at least familiar with each other.”
I widened my eyes, already suspicious of where this was going. He kept talking like this wasn’t a huge deal, like we weren’t talking about Ryan.
“So, in order to do that,” my father said, smoothing his voice like this was all casual, “I invited him to the house.”
“Why?” I asked, a bit too fast, a bit too sharp.
He looked at me. Like he was trying to decide whether I was being dramatic or just caught off guard. But in my defence we just had dinner with them two days ago.
“So,” my father said, straightening, “I’ll tell Ryan to come here tomorrow and help you with the application process, whatever you need.”
My eyes widened. Ryan. Here. Tomorrow.
Just when I thought I could breathe, the air shifted again.
“Ryan is going to come here?” I asked, just to be sure I understood exactly what my father was saying.
“Yes,” he replied simply. “Is there a problem?” he asked when I stayed quiet a beat too long.
I swallowed. “But... you’re going to be here. It’s not like you’re going to leave us alone, right?”
My father chuckled. “Do not worry. Ryan is not a danger to you.”
So… coolie. But deep down, I wasn’t convinced. I could count on one hand, hell, maybe even half a hand, the number of times I’d been in a room alone with Ryan. And even then, I couldn’t remember a single word exchanged. If we were ever alone, he didn’t speak. Not to me. Just quiet. Cold. Watchful.
Was he going to talk tomorrow while he helped me? Would he look me in the eye?
I kept thinking it all in my head, like a fever loop I couldn’t break.
“Stop thinking so much,” my father said gently, almost like he could read my thoughts. “But if it makes you feel better, I’ll also be in the room. Does that help?”
I swallowed again. “Yes. It’s not that I’m afraid of him, I just....”
“You don’t have to explain, my darling,” he said, his voice softening further. “He’ll be here tomorrow to help with the process, that’s all. So I hope by then you’ll know what you want to study.”
“Yes, Dad.” I stood up. “I guess I'd better start thinking.”
“I’m so proud of you,” he said, standing as well. “Your mother would have been so proud of you, too. She just knew you were going to be her angel when she was pregnant with you.”
The words landed in my chest like a stone and floated like a feather all at once. I swallowed the ache. Let myself feel the praise. Just for a moment.
I leaned in, kissed him on both cheeks. “Goodnight, Dad.”
“Goodnight, my angel.”
And with that, I went up to my room, letting the door shut behind me with a soft click.
I wanted to put this news to Cullen. Before I even sat down, before I had a single clue what I wanted to study, I did a little jump toward the bed, grabbed my phone, and called him.
Because even with all that uncertainty ahead of me, I knew exactly who I wanted to talk to first.
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