Say Something
SARAH
The breeze comes rushing in, lifting the curtain gently. Cullen places one leg over the window ledge, then the other, before glancing back at me one last time.
“Don’t forget,” he says, his voice soft but insistent. “Tomorrow.”
“I won’t,” I whisper, even though my chest is tight and my head is full of noise. I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know what this means. But I say it anyway.
He nods once, then disappears into the night like he was never there.
I keep standing there, staring at the open window, the wind still pushing the curtain aside. I walk over and slowly close it, locking it with a trembling hand. I lean my forehead against the glass for a second, breathing in. My heart is still beating too fast. I don’t know if it’s excitement or fear.
Maybe both. I turn around and stare at my room, the place that had once felt like a sanctuary, and now feels like it holds the echo of a man I swore I had let go.
I had no idea what I was gonna do tomorrow. I didn't know if I was really going to risk it all and go see him. But for now, I guess I’d just try to go to sleep.
But I was wrong.
Sleep didn’t come as easily as I thought it would. I kept thinking about all the things Cullen could say, all the possibilities. Because there was a part of me, deep, quiet, stubborn that wanted to believe he had changed. That wanted to believe he could be my happily ever after. But what if he wasn’t?
We spent a whole year in that marriage, and nothing came of it. And now what? I try taking my life and suddenly he thinks he wants to make it work? No. I’m sure there’s something more to it. There has to be. But... what if there’s not? What if this really is my chance, my one shot at something real and I never take it?
By the time morning comes, I haven’t had a wink of sleep. God, my eyes are heavy. I probably have dark circles under my eyes, and I look like a mess. But I have to pull myself together. I’ve got to have breakfast with my father.
He’s already at the table when I walk in, and I can see the surprise register on his face the second he sees me.
“Are you okay?” he asks, his voice full of concern.
“Yes, I’m fine,” I say quickly.
“You don’t look like you slept very well,” he says, narrowing his eyes.
I can see it happening, his mind already racing, already starting to, I don’t know if I can say panic, but there’s a shift. A wave of super-charged protectiveness was rising in him. He’s nervous. He’s watching me too closely.
“I’m fine,” I tell him again. “Really, I am. I was just playing video games and chatting on my phone all night. But I promise to get a good night's sleep tonight.”
He nods, but I know he doesn’t fully buy it. And honestly, I can’t blame him. Because I don’t buy it either.
But luckily, my father doesn't interrogate me further. That’s what it looked like he might do but he doesn’t. And as we have breakfast, I get the idea to tell him I want to go out. Maybe I could say I want to go to the park, get some fresh air. I’ve been cooped up in here for too long.
Oh yes. I could tell him I want to go to the salon. Or shopping. That would make sense, wouldn’t it?
It’s right there, at the tip of my tongue. But then I look at him. The way he smiles at me, proud and at peace. And I don’t know—maybe I’m not ready to let go of this quiet, comforting life I’m living with him. Not yet. Maybe I’m scared of what Cullen will say. Scared to try again.
Whatever it is, I don’t say it.
My father gets up to leave. He’s heading to work. He kisses the top of my head like he always does and asks if I need anything. If he should get me anything. Like he always does. And again, it’s right there. At the tip of my tongue.
But I don’t say it. And he leaves.
I have my phone. I could call. I could text Cullen and say I’ve changed my mind. That I want to meet. That I’m ready to talk. But... I don’t.
The day goes on. And then the day ends.
I still have Cullen’s number. I could text him. But I’m still not sure yet. So I don’t. I know he doesn’t have my number. He can’t call me. Which, honestly, is good. Because I don’t know what I would do if he did call. I don’t know how I’d react.
By the time my dad comes home, we have dinner together. He tells me about his day. A good day, according to him. Not the gruesome parts, of course. He tells me he made a lot of money. That he was with my brothers. Little glimpses into his life, without really telling me the business side of things.
And I sit there. Smiling. Nodding. Pretending I’m not thinking about someone else. Pretending I’m not wondering what would’ve happened if I had just said something this morning.
I go to bed filled with doubts and second-guesses, even though I want to believe that the decision I made, to not go, was the right decision.
I go through my routine of getting ready for bed. And as I walk back into my bedroom, I actually envision that I’ll find Cullen there, waiting for me again, just like before.
But alas, he’s not. So I go to bed. I turn off the lights and try to get some sleep.
And I think I might have been successful, because suddenly I hear the dogs barking outside. Then I hear a grunt.
And that grunt… It’s slow. It’s not just a sound, it’s something. It's close.
I sit up, confused, maybe a little nervous, and turn toward the window. Suddenly there’s a knock on the glass.
I jump. A soft whimper escapes me.
Log in with Google Account
Chapters
Favorite
Settings
