Tell Me
SARAH
“No, baby. No…” my father says, his voice shaking, his face horrified.
I nod slowly, tears still streaming down my face. “Yes. That’s why I took everything. That’s why I didn’t reach out. Because I knew… even if I called, you wouldn’t pick up. I knew you’d be disappointed in me. I had already failed you.”
I pause, wiping at the tears that won’t stop. “I had already said the words. I’d already made the promises. There was no going back.”
“What happened, baby?” he asks, his voice raw. “We haven’t really talked. Please… just tell me what happened. How did you get here? Who did this to you? Tell me who it is.”
His voice darkens. “I’ll make them pay. I’ll make them suffer tenfold for what they did to you. Because I want you to know.... I need you to know that I love you. You mean more than you could ever imagine. More than the world. You mean everything to me, baby.... Everything.”
I shake my head slowly, broken. “That doesn’t make sense,” I say softly. “It’s not true.”
“It is true....”
“No, it’s not!” I snap, my voice cracking. “If it were, you wouldn’t have treated me the way you did. If it was, you would have kept me close… not held me at a distance like some precious artefact you were too scared to touch.”
He sobs quietly, shaking his head in anguish. “You don’t know, baby… You don’t know how many things I was trying to save you from. You don’t know how hard I tried to protect you.”
I bite my lip hard, forcing the next words to stay inside. I want to scream, but I hold back. I don’t want to break more than I already have.
“Trust me,” he pleads, “I’ve made mistakes.... so many mistakes.... but I made them thinking I was protecting you. Thinking I was giving you what you needed. I didn’t always get it right. I know that. But never.... never, doubt that you are my baby girl. And I love you… I love you more than life.”
I look at him, eyes searching. “Then why the distance?” I whisper. “Why did it always feel like you were loving me from a thousand miles away? Why was your love always a shadow instead of a shelter?”
He’s quiet for a long moment.
“There’s more than one reason,” he finally says. “But… I guess you deserve to know one of them.”
I brace myself, swallowing hard, trying to keep control as I nod.
He pulls a handkerchief from his pocket, wipes the tears from his face, then gently leans forward to help me wipe mine. His fingers are trembling as he takes my hand in his.
Then, quietly, he begins to speak. He swallows before he begins, voice low, like he's digging through memories that still cut deep.
“I know I’ve always told you this,” he says quietly, “but God… you look so much like your mother. Right now, looking at you, here, like this... It’s like stepping back in time. When we got married, we were so young, so in love… and you, baby, you could be her twin.”
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone. Unlocks it. Hand it to me gently.
I already know the photo. I’ve seen it before, framed in his office, resting quietly on his bedside table. My mother. The ghost in every room I ever walked through.
“Yeah,” I say, my voice distant, “I know I look like her.”
But he shakes his head. “No… not just ‘look like.’ You two are the same. So alike it hurts sometimes. For years, every time I looked at you, I saw her. I saw her.... And at first… it was hard.”
He closes his eyes then, maybe to protect himself. Maybe to protect me from seeing his guilt. “It was hard to look at you, because you were the living reminder of what I lost.”
I don’t say anything.
“But then…” his voice cracks, “then I started to see it for what it really was. She wasn’t here anymore, the love of my life was gone. But she gave her life to give me you... You, baby.”
He opens his eyes now and looks at me, really looks. And I feel like I’m being seen for the first time.
“Maybe her soul didn’t stay. Maybe she left with the wind. But she gave me something better than a memory. She gave me, you. This bright, innocent baby with no regrets, no pain, no scars… who smiled at everything and anything. She was gone… but she was still here. In you.”
His voice softens as he reaches for my hand. “You are not your mother. You’re not my first love. But you are love. All of it.... She couldn't have given me something more precious, more meaningful.... You’re everything.”
Tears sting my eyes, but I don’t blink them away.
“I have to admit…” he swallows again, “I was scared. Terrified. Because if losing her nearly destroyed me, then losing you…”
He looks away.
“I don’t know what I would’ve done. I think I would’ve died.”
“...No,” I whisper. “Please don’t say that.”
But he just squeezes my hand tighter. “I was afraid, baby. I thought I was sending you somewhere safe.... somewhere I could trust. I thought it was right. I thought you’d be protected.”
He drops his head, ashamed.
“I guided my heart selfishly. I made choices that I thought were for your good. But I see now, I was wrong. I see it all now. And I swear to you…” His voice rises, trembling with conviction, “that is never.... never going to happen again.”
Tears fall freely down both our cheeks now.
“So tell me,” he says, gripping my hand as if anchoring himself, “please, baby, tell me. Because I swear to you... I will go to the ends of the earth for you. I’ll burn every bridge, break every promise, go against the world if I have to.”
His eyes blaze now with a father's fury.
“Trust me. Believe me. I don’t give a fuck about the peace treaty. I don’t even care about the syndicate. Tell me the truth. Don’t be scared.”
His voice is steel now. Sharp and cold.
“That person… whoever it is… they’re going to pay.”
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