My Angel
“I didn’t want you to know,” my dad says.
And I know he didn’t. I know he went through all that he did to protect me. Ronan told me that too. That Dad didn’t want me to know. And I know… I know he was just trying to protect me. But it’s out there now.
"I know," I whisper back.
I say nothing more for a moment, letting the truth of it settle between us.
" Ronan told me that if you found out he had told me, you were going to kill him."
My dad smiles.
And I don’t know if I can say it was courage… or just resignation… or maybe some long-buried resolve but he finally lifts his head and looks at me as he says,
“ Is that it? Do you want me to kill him? Because I won’t hesitate. I won’t think twice. Fuck the rules. I’ll do it for you.”
But I shake my head. “No. That’s not what I want.”
I take a breath, trying to piece it together, trying to find the words that make sense out of this mess I’ve lived in my whole life.
“I realise Ronan did this when he was really young. And I know, from what I’ve heard and some of the things I’ve seen—he has not gotten better. But since I can remember… he has never been violent with me. Has he been manipulative? Has he tried to hurt me with his words? Yes, of course. He’s a psychopath. But he has never tried anything violent with me.”
I pause and exhale.
“And I know this may not make any sense,” I continue, “but he’s my brother. I grew up knowing he was my brother. There’s just… that connection. Even though we were never close. Even though we were never siblings the way we were supposed to be. I always grew up knowing he was my brother.”
I shake my head because maybe it doesn’t make sense. Maybe it never will.
My dad takes my hand again.
“I understand what you mean, sweetie,” he says softly, and his eyes are glassy as he gives my hand a gentle squeeze. “You’re just an angel. And we don’t deserve you.”
“I don’t know about that. I’m no angel,” I say.
“You are,” my father says firmly. “You are mine. You are this family’s angel. Angel of the Irish. An Angel. You are an angel. Own it.”
He said it like it was a fact, not something to debate. I nodded, even though I didn’t believe it.
“Don’t be worried,” my dad said, and I wasn’t sure what he saw in my face some flicker of fear maybe but he reached out, steady and sure.
“Don’t be scared. I’ve thought about it. I know that after what Ronan said, and after coming back here, you might think that Ronan can hurt you. But he can’t. He can’t hurt you, Angel.”
And just like that, my mind went back to the truth I’d been ignoring, I hadn’t seen Ronan or Ryan at the house. Not once.
“Where are they?” I asked. “I haven’t seen them. Please don’t tell me you did something to them....”
My father chuckled.
There was a distant look in his eyes, like he was somewhere else entirely when he said,
“I wish I could, I wish I did… but I just couldn’t.”
“You see,” he continued slowly, “your brother is messed up. He’s always been. But your mother… she loved him. They loved each other. And I am so glad he got those five years with your mother. Because I believe, even when he wants to go full psycho your mom’s voice is always there to pull him back. To remind him of something better.”
He paused, his jaw clenching for a moment.
“But, having said that, it’s why I couldn’t hurt him. I would just look at him and see the way Sylvia had loved him, and I just couldn’t.... But don’t he dare try to do anything to you now, because he won’t like the results.”
I nodded slowly, letting it settle. But the question still hung in the air like unfinished business.
Back to the thing I’d asked before:
“Ronan and Ryan?”
My father didn’t miss a beat.
“As soon as I made arrangements to bring you back,” he said, “I kicked them out.”
“You didn’t have to do that,” I said softly.
“I could have done more,” my father replied, voice steady but thick with something more. “But like I said, I didn’t. Still, Ryan and Ronan are not allowed in this house unless I personally ask for them. Unless I give permission for them to come onto this compound.”
He leaned forward slightly, the intensity in his eyes unwavering. “I’ve put security measures in place. They can’t just come here. I’ve cut off their access to this house. You won’t see them around, not unless I allow them to come in here. And you’ll know when that happens. You’ll know. And I’ll know that you’re safe. Because I can keep you safe.”
“But they’re my brothers,” I said, quietly. “You can’t always be here to protect me. I mean, you might be here today, but you may not be here tomorrow.”
I had to say it. Because it was the truth.
I couldn’t have Ronan and Ryan hating me. Not now. Not when I had no husband. Nowhere else to go. If this antagonised them, if something happened to Dad, I was dead. And I knew it wouldn’t be pretty, either.
“Do not worry,” my father said, as if he had read my mind. “You think I haven’t thought about that? I’ve thought about it every day. Every single day since that incident… all those years ago. I’ve thought about it, and I have prayed that you would grow up quickly. That I’d be able to find a powerful family, a home… a man to protect you. So that when I die, I die in peace, knowing I left you in safe hands.”
He shook his head slowly, eyes drifting as if seeing something I couldn’t. And that’s when I understood.
He was talking about them. The Cincinnatis. About Cullen.
“I thought the Cincinnatis were a good place,” he said. “A safe place for you. That you’d be protected. That you’d be far away from Ronan.”
He sighed, shaking his head again,
"I feel like a failure."
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