A Family Secret
SARAH
"And as you got older, you started looking so much like her. I would look at you and think you were a ghost. And Dad just went crazy over you. It was almost like he thought his wife had been reborn.
He would go with you everywhere. He was an embarrassment, you know. Walking into a meeting with you, and his right-hand man would be carrying a diaper bag, bottles, and a blanket. He didn’t want anybody else to touch you. He would just do everything by himself. And the men looked at him like he was insane.
Then they started talking behind his back. Whispering. Laughing. And he didn’t have a clue. Why? Because he was too concentrated on you. Just like he is now.”
He leaned in then.
“You see… when this happened, it reminded me of when I had to remind Dad what was more important.”
I don't know what it was, but it’s the way that he said it, that tone, that just mentally prepared me for whatever was about to come next.
Something told me it would scar me. Something in me knew I didn’t want to hear it. And he must have seen that in my face because he smiled brightly, the kind of smile he had when he was about to hurt you, and he knew it. The kind of smile that said he was going to enjoy every second of it.
He leaned closer, resting his elbows on his knees like we were just having a casual conversation. Like he wasn’t about to split me open.
Then he said it.
“What I’m about to tell you is a little family secret.
Sullivan’s family secret.”
He grinned. “So I hope you know how to keep your mouth shut, little sister.”
I shook my head.
“I’m sure it’s a family secret for a reason. I don’t want to hear about it. Just... could you leave?”
But that didn’t stop him. Nothing ever did. He leaned back in the chair like he owned the room.
“I’m sorry to tell you, but you see, Dad is in Cincinnati's territory. That means he doesn’t have his soldiers here. He can’t bring them, because then it would seem like he wants to start something, that he doesn't trust them. But he has to go to a meeting. A long one, if you ask me.”
He smiled like he’d just won something.
“So, now he has to have someone here to keep an eye on you. Someone who is a Sullivan. And let’s just say I was available.”
That grin. Wide. Cold.
“I am the Sullivan who is here to protect you from the Cincinnati’s,” he said, flashing that sickly bright smile again.
“When is Dad coming back?” I asked. Even I could hear the fatigue in my voice.
“When he comes back,” he replied simply.
I bit my lip.
“I guess you’re going to have to tolerate me until he gets back,” he added with a shrug. I sighed. Because I knew I was going to have to do this.
This was the longest time my brother and I had ever spent in a room together. Somehow, thinking about it, I had never been in the same room with either of my brothers unless our father was there. Not just me and them. Not like this.
Maybe for a moment—but never alone. And now? My dad had left him in charge?
Whatever, I thought to myself.
But Ronan was already talking. “I think I broke you,” he said.
“I think I broke you,” he repeated, and that actually caught my attention.
Suddenly, I was looking at him. It was almost like he had heard the conversation I had with Dad. But how?
“What do you mean?” I asked, narrowing my eyes.
“You see this?” he asked, pointing to his eye.
“I can’t see anything,” I replied flatly.
“It’s still fresh,” he said. “Dad punched me in the eye.”
And then he laughed. I had no idea what he was talking about or what he found so funny.
None.
But of course, Ronan was going to answer that.
“Dad told me I broke you,” he said. “Before he punched me. And then he told me if anything were to happen to you, he would shoot me. Because he has two sons.”
I flinched. I couldn’t imagine my dad saying something like that. I couldn’t see it… And yet… I could.
But then again, I wondered what Ronan have to do with what happened to me?
He wasn’t there. So how could he have broken me?
“So before I tell you,” he began, leaning forward again, “I want you to remember, this is a family secret. And it also became your and my secret. You can’t tell Dad about this. He doesn’t want you to know. And if you tell him… well, I think he’s gonna do what he said. You know, because he has a spare son. And maybe you’ll finally get rid of me.”
He grinned at that. And I felt… frozen.
It was like staring at a dark object, a door that should never be opened. It was dangerous but also mesmerising. You don’t want to move closer… but a part of you needs to know what’s behind it. What is it made of? That pull, that strange, magnetic horror, you get drawn in.
That’s exactly what I felt when I stared at Ronan.
“When you were two years old,” he continued, “you were really cute. Chubby. And you looked just like Mom did when she was younger. Dad used to point that out every time. Every fucking time... He’d bring out a picture of mom as a little girl and you, he’d just light up.”
He looked at me, his voice sharpening.
“It really ate at me. And like I said, he was acting weak. People had already started talking. The soldiers were talking behind his back. They talked to their wives. Their wives told their kids. And their kids? Brought that shit to school.”
He gave a bitter laugh. “You get what I’m saying?”
I said nothing. I didn’t move. Just kept watching that dark door open wider.
“Anyway,” he said, “it was your third birthday. And like I already said, Dad was just… how do I say this? He was obsessed with you. He always wanted to see you, even when you were asleep. He would just be working at night next to your crib.”
His voice turned cold.
“So getting access to you was a little hard.”
I swallowed.
“Then, when you turned three, he was getting pestered that you needed more freedom. You were walking by then, starting to speak, singing your ABCs. You were becoming… something. So from Dad’s consigliere and a few of his ‘trusted friends,’ and family, he got the advice, he needed help. Someone to help him with the baby. And that’s how you got your first nanny.”
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