Cyrus - The Man I Used To Be
CYRUS
Nearly a year ago, it was the day of my parents' anniversary party. Bella had asked me, no, told me to take Sarah home.
And then, like always, she had me doing these ridiculous things… like feeding her, making her a bath, I don’t even know I was doing it. She was so fragile, so sad, so... vulnerable. I felt really bad for her. Because I knew. I knew what was going on in her marriage.
Bella would talk about her... a lot. How she wished she could do more for her. Especially after Sarah started drinking. It started small, but then it just got worse. And nobody said anything.
Well, you wouldn’t expect me to say anything, right? I was already doing more than I wanted to do. I mean, just picture it. Me, standing in a bathroom, preparing my sister-in-law's bath, when I should’ve been at a party, celebrating my parents’ anniversary.
So, I called Bella. Told her everything was good, I was leaving. But then Bella, being Bella always doing the most, told me to go back. Said I should check on Sarah, just in case she’d fallen in the tub or something.
And that was the moment. The moment I always look back on.
I think I should not have listened to her. I should’ve just left. Because maybe then… maybe we wouldn’t be where we are right now.
But Bella, she kind of had a spell on me. She always had a way of making you do what she wanted, like it was nothing.
So, I stayed. Waited for nearly fifteen minutes, then knocked on the door just to make sure Sarah had survived.
She let me in. That was a good sign, which meant she was still alive.
So, I opened the door and walked inside. The door creaked as I opened it and stepped inside the bedroom. Sarah and Cullen’s bedroom.
Everything in me was already on edge. I wasn’t supposed to be here. I should’ve been back at the party. With Bella. With my family. But I listened to her. Bella. Because she always saw people deeper than the surface, she always believed Sarah needed someone to look after her. But what I walked into…
She wasn’t in the bathroom like I expected. Wasn’t slumped on the floor or half-asleep in the tub. No. She came out of the closet like she’d been waiting for me.
Her robe hung open just enough to make her intentions loud and clear. Her eyes met mine, locked in, like she was reading me, imagining something that wasn’t there.
I froze. Not because I was tempted. Because I was honestly surprised and frozen by the turn of events.
“Are you going back to the party?” I asked, voice flat.
Her lips curved into a smile I didn’t like. Not a grateful smile. Not a tired, embarrassed one. It was something else. Like she thought this was us. Like I was here for her.
“I’m feeling divine. All thanks to you.”
That was the first warning.
I clenched my jaw, choosing silence over reaction. The sooner I got out of here, the better.
“So… you're good now? I’ll head back....”
She stepped in close, too close and whispered, “What are you running to?”
I didn’t get to answer. Her hands were on my arm, and then—before I could even process what she was doing, she kissed me.
It was quick. Aggressive.... And repulsive. I recoiled instantly, yanking myself back like I’d touched fire.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” I spat, scrubbing at my mouth like I could erase the second her lips touched mine.
Not because I was scared Bella would find out. Because I felt violated. I stormed into the bathroom and turned on the faucet, splashing cold water on my face like it would bring me back to reality.
I stared into the mirror, breathing hard. I wasn’t flustered because I wanted her. I was furious because she thought I ever could.
Bella. My wife. My best friend. The woman I choose every day, in every way. The woman I had fought my attraction to nearly all my life...
And Sarah? Sarah was drunk off her own fantasies. This wasn’t a mistake. It was manipulation.
I dried my face, jaw clenched, hands shaking with the force it took to stay calm. Then I stepped back out..... And she.... She dropped the robe.
Climbed into the bed like I was hers.
Every inch of me recoiled. Not just at the sight but at the sheer insanity of it. The way she lay there, like she expected me to want her.
“The sex is going to be so good,” she said softly.
My stomach turned. I didn’t speak. I couldn’t.
For a moment, it almost felt like none of it had happened. Like I’d imagined it. Like I was caught in some twisted, feverish dream.
But it was real. The robe on the floor. The bed. Her words. The way she’d looked at me.
And I had a million questions flying through my head, none of them with answers.
Was she okay in the head?
Why would she do this?
What the hell was she thinking she’d achieve?
Was this something her family put her up to?
But none of it added up. None of it made any sense.
And all I knew, all I knew was that I needed to get the hell out of that room.
I turned for the door, jaw locked tight, barely breathing. And just as I reached for the handle, I heard her scramble out of the bed.
“Cyrus, wait! Cyrus...baby, wait!”
Baby. The word snapped something loose in me. Her hand landed on my shoulder just as I pulled the door open and it was like being gutted.
Like something poisonous and dark had touched my skin. And then the rage hit me. A rage I hadn’t felt in years. I spun around, and my hand went to her throat.
Not squeezing, not yet but I wanted to.
God, I wanted to.
I wanted to press just hard enough that she would never forget who she tried this with.
Hard enough to silence the insanity in her head.
To remind her that I was not her toy. That I was not like the men she must be used to playing with.
But then I heard a voice in my head. Bella’s voice. The only person who ever really saw me. Who believed in me, even when I didn’t deserve it.
I thought about how I had treated her during our first year of marriage. The pain I’d caused her. The things I’d done. The things I still regret.
And I knew I couldn’t go back to that man. Not for anyone. Especially not for this woman. This woman who didn’t belong to me. Who wasn’t under my protection. For my brother....
I couldn’t strangle her. So instead.... I shoved her.
Hard.
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